A Bunch of Stupid Things To Do to Get Hired

Yet, I was intrigued. 

I read the post. 

In it, Grace discusses another post, on another platform, that actually suggested women remove engagement rings to increase their odds of getting hired.

AUTHOR"S NOTE: This is my response to a post published here. I did not read the original post Ms. Killelea refers to, nor do I refer to it. Perhaps it was quoted out of context, I don't know. I'm just having a little fun here.

Back to the post...

The logic is that an interviewer may take your rock badly. They may consider you vain or, and here I quote, high-maintenance. 

Grace thought the idea was ludicrous. 

No poop, Grace.

It boggles my mind to see what passes for "career advice" out there. I wrote my last CV in 1998, so I'm no job hunting expert, but still.

Sure, I guess it's theoretically possible that an interviewer may feel intimidated and have a negative opinion of you. 

It's also possible that your face reminds them of a schoolyard bully and they take an immediate dislike to you.

It may be an idea to have extensive plastic surgery prior to any interview.

Hey, I said it was an idea. I didn't say it was a good one.

For the heck of it, let's take the suggestion to remove your engagement ring as stone-cold truth. What is the logical progression?

The "TRUTH" 

You should remove your engagement ring to increase your odds of getting hired. A large ring may trigger resentment or jealousy, particularly in a female interviewer. We all know how petty women are, right? (OMG! I can't believe I wrote that.)  

Corollary 1

Hmmm, I guess the same would be true about nice clothing. The petty female interviewer may be intimidated by the fact that your clothes are nicer than hers. Women should, therefore wear sloppy, preferably stained or damaged, clothing to an interview. 

Come to think of it, that may not be enough. 

Consider nudity.

Corollary 2 

Hair and make-up may also be seen as high-maintenance. I mean, think about it. DeBeers tells us a diamond is forever. Forever is a long time. 

Hair and makeup, over time, can easily pass the cost of an engagement ring. What the hell are you thinking??? 

Do not groom, brush your hair or apply make-up prior to an interview. Just roll out of bed and head out the door. 

Don't stop to shower. 

Body odor is natural. It's important that the interviewer sees and smells the real you.

Corollary 3

Thinking about brushing hair got me thinking about brushing teeth. Wow, dental care is also an expensive proposition. Why risk alienating an interviewer? Do they even have a dental plan?

Play it safe.

It is best to not brush or floss for several days prior to any interview. Use many words with H sounds to let the interviewer know how "with it" you are. 

Force the H sounds out.

Corollary 4

Many women are purse aficionados. A high-end purse or even just a good knock off may trigger jealousy in the interviewer. 

Use grocery bags instead. Ideally, use the reusable bags. 

Many women are bleeding heart tree-huggers, don't you know.

Side Logic 1

Removing your engagement ring helps you get hired by not triggering jealousy. Remove your wedding band as well. 

That way, male interviewers may believe they "have a shot," and hire you. This is especially effective when used in conjunction with Side Logic 2.

Side Logic 2 

Unless you elect to show up nude to the interview, seriously consider dressing as sexily as possible. Do not do this if the interviewer is female and straight. She may get jealous if you're hotter than she is. 

This strategy is vital if interviewed by a male. We're all pigs. We lose our minds at the sight of boob-curve.

If the interview is going badly with a male interviewer throw in comments suggesting you "sleep around." 

That always works well.

Corollary 5

Many women are boob snobs. If you happen to be well-endowed in that department, use an elastic bandage to squish the girls down. Otherwise, you risk offending a less-endowed interviewer. 

On the other hand, if the interviewer is male.....

Finding a job is serious business. 

No, I'm not being serious about any of these "suggestions." 

I really hope people read this all the way through before flaming me. In a way, this is a rant.

Finding the right job is more important than finding A job. That means finding a position that fits you and you fit it. 

It's debatable if one can "fake it 'til you make it." If you fake it to get it, how long can you keep it up?

If you really need to pretend to be someone else to land that job, chances are you won't stick around long enough for it to matter.

Why bother?