A life review

Retirement is a time for a life review. Some of the issues to look at include questions about which roles and identities we present to others when we retire and try to re-invent ourselves. We may have to face the fact that we did or did not reach the goals we set for ourselves related to our careers, family lives, and social relationships. 

When we acknowledge that we are closer to the end of life we may face questions about the very meaning of life. Death becomes more difficult to ignore as those around us die.

This is especially true for those of us who outlive our contemporaries. There is also the possibility that guilt, for those of us who believe that we lived a less than satisfactory life and can lead to self-condemnation and depression, in some people.

Although individual identity issues vary, one theme seems to be common. The questions raised are: 

• Who am I, apart from the roles I have been playing?
• What, in short, is the second half of life if it is not to repeat the script and expectations of the first half of life?

Once retired, some of us begin to appreciate how much of our identity, especially for men was intertwined with their work. The loss of relationships, challenges, and activities associated with work can be painful losses that many people overlook as they contemplate retirement. 

The prospect of relief from a demanding or unsatisfying job in exchange for the prospect of freedom to do other things can be irresistible but is not necessarily lasting. Before you retire you should consider the question, What will I do with my life from now on? As you look back on your life, you may want to  think about these questions:

• I have done the expected things, according to my best understanding of myself and the world, so why does my life not feel right? 
• Some of the things I have done have been good, productive, and consistent with my inner values, and some have not. 

So, if my life is not feeling right, I may need to explore and refresh my understanding of myself. This is a painful task and some of the questions asked may have painful answers. Many of us may eventually experience a discrepancy between what we sought, served, and accomplished, and what we feel in our hearts.

The void left by the absence of not only work but also much of the social activity associated with the workplace can create doubt as to how life in retirement will turn out. It is similar to “buyer’s remorse. You might ask yourself: Did I make the right decisions? 

Not knowing whether deciding to retire is the right choice can cause anxiety resulting in avoidance and delay. Many people do not retire when they plan for many reasons one of which is decision paralysis. 

Anxiety about trusting oneself to make the right decision often leads to procrastination of retirement plans. At this time in life, if you have a good track record of decision making you will probably feel confident about deciding and coping with the future. If your anxiety is high and your self-confidence low, you may be unwilling to trust yourself to make good decisions.