Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago · 2 min. reading time · 0 ·

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Advice to the newlyweds

Advice to the newlyweds

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In just over a week, my wife and I are marrying off our youngest to a lovely young lady who we are delighted to add into our family.

We have been given a time slot during the reception to speak, and we want to do something other than the traditional syrupy speech.

So... we thought we'd take advantage of a captive audience and offer them some advice.

We are coming up on 39 years of marriage, so we've experience a few things, and are still working on some of these things ourselves.

I also thought I'd put crowdsourcing to work on beBee and get some suggestions from you folk.

The advice has to be short, pithy bits of wisdom that can be astute, funny, or just plain useful.

Here's what I've come with so far (in no particular order).  Feel free to add yours in the comment section below.

__________________________________________________________________________

Partnership: It's not 50:50, but 100:100

You are not right ALL the time.

Don't forget to date.

Put down the seat.

It's 'US', not "ME and YOU".

I have needs, you have needs. Find a way to fulfill them.

Sometimes you have to pay for parking. Other times, you drive around, and around, and around until you find that free spot. (Alternate between these two).

If she cooks, eat it.  If he cooks... be polite.

Share. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

11:59 pm is not a great time for a really, deep discussion.  Neither is never.

Every couple argues. It's how you make up that makes the difference.

There is such a thing as too many guitars in the house.

You are part of something bigger.  Your families are rooting for you.

When you ask her what's wrong and she says "nothing", don't roll over and go to sleep.

There is such a thing as too many pairs of shoes in the house.

There's always a solution to the problems you will face. Find a way.

Your kids (when you have them) will take their cues on love and respect from how you treat each other.

There should be no secrets between you (except for the chocolate bars you have in your desk drawer at work).

Make each other laugh.

Sometimes, a hug is the best response.

You don't have to fix each other, but support each other in being your best selves.

Banish the words "always" and "never" from your vocabulary.

Love is evidenced by actions.

Dream big!

It is better to have experiences than things.

If you take something out, put it away.

Honour your promises to each other, or die trying.

In spite of equality, there are 'pink' jobs, and 'blue' jobs (usually involving small invasive creatures in the house).

Dads do not 'babysit' their own children.

Be each other's biggest cheerleader (in public and in private).

Smooch.

...  others?

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Image: Photodune.net

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#time #thing #house #advice #US
Comments

don kerr

7 years ago #44

#63
damn it Kevin. I have been wracking my brain to dredge this up from some long-lost cranial data dump and you plop it down right in my lap. my SWMBO (she who must be obeyed) hasn't quite grasped this very good bit of advice. Quite the opposite she expects that a task shall be completed virtually the moment it enters her realm of consciousness. I have learned it is to my benefit to relax and accept this as a reality of my life. Hope all goes well.

Mamen 🐝 Delgado

7 years ago #43

#63
LOL!!! Sounds familiar to me, sorry!! Hahaha... ;)

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #42

Here's one that came from Facebook. "If a man says he will fix something... HE WILL! There's no need to remind him every six months."

Mohammed Abdul Jawad

7 years ago #41

Aha....Kevin Pashuk Great precepts for blissful marriage life.

🐝 Fatima G. Williams

7 years ago #40

Fantastic Advice Thank you Kevin Pashuk

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #39

#54
Very, in every aspect of life :)) I used to be very quick to temper (hot tempered). It's still there and it takes a lot of work, most important- understanding this about myself. Kevin Pashuk Introspection is very important or we quit growing.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #38

#53
Thanks Franci Eugenia Hoffman. Good advice. My wife and I start everyday with a coffee together before we rush out into the world - me to slay dragons, her to rescue the unfortunate.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #37

#52
Love the idea of the paid interrupter Sarah Elkins. I'll pass that on to my future daughter in law.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #36

#51
Thanks Lisa Gallagher Choosing your battles is important.

Sarah Elkins

7 years ago #35

#49
And don't forget the Jewish tradition, Lori, of taking a few minutes after the ceremony and before the reception for the bride and groom to be alone. I love this one because it gives them an opportunity to really absorb the ceremony itself, talk about what they noticed along the way, and then jump into the reception with clear heads. It makes the whirlwind slow down just a little bit. I "hired" my flower girls to stop me about every 20-30 minutes during the reception. One or the other would gently touch my arm or elbow and look at me. That was my cue to stop whatever I was doing and just look around, observing the activities of our guests. And that's the only reason I have vivid memories of that day, my great aunt & uncle dancing together (they were 85 & 89), my father-in-law dancing with little granddaughters, my mother gazing sweetly at my new husband. Magical. And nearly 20 years ago.

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #34

#16
My mother always reiterated to all of us, "Choose your battles wisely." Sarah Elkins's comment, another thing my mother always told us, NEVER threaten divorce unless you intend to go through with it.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #33

What a great idea. I was just thinking that my grandkids will know a whole lot about me by Googling my name and find my activity on Social Media over the years. It's today's version of the stack of letters your grandparents wrote to each other that you dug out of the steamer trunk in the attic.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #32

#47
Great that you shared the video with your daughter Lori. Sometimes I assume that my kids have all our shared family memories... even though we did many things before they were a sparkle in our eyes... On my parent's 60th anniversary celebration, I 'interviewed' my parents on camera. Where did you meet? Describe where you lived when you were first married. etc. My kids (and even my sisters and I) hadn't heard some of these stories which define us as a family.

Sarah Elkins

7 years ago #31

#31
I love your #2, Irene Hackett, that is so wise, to have the conversation about remaining individuals regardless of the length of your relationship. Having separate hobbies can be really healthy alone time.

Sarah Elkins

7 years ago #30

#24
Alan Geller - there is so much truth and depth to that, even if you were being funny! If you're not taking care of your own basic needs, you will not be able to take care of anyone else! "When hungry, eat. When tired, sleep." Indeed, don't interact when hangry.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #29

#33
Thanks Robert Bell... good advice. I don't think you ever 'give' your daughter away... As the old adage goes.. "A son is a son till he finds a wife. A daughter's a daughter for all of her life."

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #28

#31
Great points Irene Hackett. I especially like your point about never threatening to leave. Early on in my own marriage my mother pulled me aside and said "We like her better. If you two ever break up... we are keeping her."

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #27

#32
Thanks Mamen Delgado for your best wishes! We love her already, and her family loves our son. We are delighted in this match.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #26

#29
Thank you for your sincere blessing Ali Anani. I look forward to your post on the photo.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #25

#28
A delightful quote Sara Jacobovici... I'm a big fan of Einstein's pithy wisdom. He could distill the universe down to a simple equation, and distill so much wisdom down to a simple phrase.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #24

#27
A delightful story Lori Boxer. How's that working for you? Does he still say those 3 words every day? You talk about the challenges of bringing together 2 separate and established life at a later age. It does sound like love and respect are the foundations you built upon (as well as a sense of humour).

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #23

#24
I'm surprised you didn't offer advice about dancing Alan Geller... :) Thanks.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #22

#23
Thanks Dean Owen... This is our last, and there is no basis for the myth that once your kids leave, you will not have to fork out so much money on them. You are so right in this regard.

Mamen 🐝 Delgado

7 years ago #21

I read it the other way around... ;) The best for you son, your new daughter in law and all your family!!!!! Lots of Love!!

Mamen 🐝 Delgado

7 years ago #20

Kevin Pashuk, congrats and thanks so much for having writen this beautiful Manifest of Love and connection to your colleague of journey. I have felt a lump in my throat reading it... My best wishes for your daughter and your family!!

Ali Anani

7 years ago #19

It is always great to comment after Sara Jacobovici and blessed you and your family stay. BTW_ thanks for the photo. I am waiting for the right inspiration

Sara Jacobovici

7 years ago #18

So glad you tagged me Kevin Pashuk, I wouldn't have wanted to miss this one. I am flattered that you are interested in my input. Your list is great! My contribution would be a part 2 to Einstein's quote: "You can't blame gravity for falling in love." Always remember what that fall felt like and fall in love all over again throughout your married life. Wishing you and your family all the best!!

Dean Owen

7 years ago #17

This is not a rule, just something that naturally happened - If I cook, she does the dishes, if she cooks, she does the dishes. Kidding aside. Congratulations, I am sure it will be a joyous day. Don't cry Kevin-san, it is not so much losing a losing a son as having to fork out more money for family vacations!

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #16

#21
Thanks Paul \. Congratulations on your daughter's wedding. Thanks for sharing this. With your little program I'm getting all kinds of action on the last post of mine you shared.

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #15

What an exciting time Kevin Pashuk, your words of advice that you are about to offer should be written in a handbook, along with many of the lovely comments you received! The only one I can think of off the top of my head (and I may think of a few more later) is this- After you have children, it's OK to take a vacation without your kids once a year, it's actually healthy. And, remember not to lose your individuality, it's also healthy to have time apart for an entire day or a week, whatever you as a couple, agree on mutually as what's considered healthy time apart. Some people use their time apart to go to the gym, shopping, movie night with a friend, biking, running, a massage, sports etc.. Thanks for tagging me Kevin!

Phil Friedman

7 years ago #14

Here's mine, not that I follow the advice: Understand that men truly are from Mars, while women are from Venus. When your wife says she is concerned about X, don't infer that she wants you to do something about it, for most times she doesn't, just wants you to listen. And when your husband asks if something can be done about it now, and you say no, don't get upset when he puts his feet up to watch a hockey game on TV, for it is not because he doesn't care about, or respect your concerns; it is just that until men can act on concerns, they have the ability to push it to the background.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #13

#16
wonderful additions to the list Sarah Elkins!

Sarah Elkins

7 years ago #12

Thanks for tagging me, Kevin Pashuk, or I might have missed this post. I love this one: Your kids (when you have them) will take their cues on love and respect from how you treat each other. I also like the idea of banishing late-night beginning deep conversations. Those never end well. Be each other's greatest asset and not a liability. Have each others backs in front of friends and children, even when you disagree, and when you do disagree, do it in private. (Though I don't believe in hiding minor arguments from children, that's just not a realistic life for them to see.) Never stop talking to each other about stuff - when you stop talking, you may as well call it quits. Cherish each other, truly, by making small efforts every day - know how each other takes their coffee, feed each other, pick up something at the grocery store you know he/she loves. Every. Single. Day. Remember to pick your battles, know your deal breakers and when to voice them.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #11

#14
No offence meant Robert Bacal . I was trying to crowdsource some responses. Others have specifically asked to be tagged, others just ignore it. I will be sure to not do so again for you.

David B. Grinberg

7 years ago #10

Thanks for sharing this excellent advice, Kevin Pashuk. It strikes me that newlyweds could use all the help they can get, especially with the USA divorce rate hovering well over 50%. Nice buzz and kudos on being a happily married man for three decades!

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #9

#9
Sounds like you have a very patient wife Phillip Hubbell... I keep saying my wife is the epitome of grace and forgiveness to stay married to me for so long.

David B. Grinberg

7 years ago #8

Thanks for sharing this excellent advice, Kevin Pashuk. It strikes me that newlyweds could use all the help they can get, especially with the USA divorce hovering rate well over 50%. Nice buzz!

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #7

#3
You are as wise as Winston Churchill Gert Scholtz. He said :Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen."

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #6

#6
Thanks Aurorasa Sima... I was about to tag you but you beat me to it.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #5

Susan Rooks

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #4

Gerald Hecht

Gert Scholtz

7 years ago #3

Kevin Pashuk My bit: Sometimes it is good to talk to your spouse, sometimes it is better to listen. Learn and attend to the difference.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #2

Javier beBee

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #1

@Javier beBee @Juan Imaz @Neil Hughes @Matt Sweetwood @Virag Gulyas @David Grinberg @John White, MBA @John Vaughan @Don Kerr @Donna-Luisa Eversley @Alan Geller @Tiina Holli @Chas Wyatt @Lisa Gallagher @Paul "Pablo" Croubalian @Kevin Pashuk @Dean Owen @Franci Eugenia Hoffman @Jim Murray @Phil Friedman

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