Royce Shook

5 years ago · 2 min. reading time · ~10 ·

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Australians with a sense of humour

Australians with a sense of humour

 In the year 2020, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Australia and said:

"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark. Noah!," He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed." "I needed a Building Permit." "I've been arguing with the Boat Inspector about the need for a sprinkler system." "My neighbours claim that I've violated the Neighbourhood Bye-Laws by building the Ark in my back garden and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Local Planning Committee for a decision."

"Then the Local Council and the Electricity Company demanded a shed load of money for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it."

"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl." "I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!"

"When I started gathering the animals the RSPCA took me to court. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space."

"Then the Australian Environmental Agency ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood." "I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building gang." "Immigration is checking the Visa status of most of the people who want to work."

"The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience."
"To make matters worse, the Inland Revenue seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species."

"So, forgive me, Lord, but it will take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."

"Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky."

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord. " The Government beat me to it."
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Comments

Joyce 🐝 Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee

5 years ago#7

Hahaha--Thanks for this levity in these troubled times.

Zacharias 🐝 Voulgaris

5 years ago#6

Next time someone says "why would God allow this?" we should simply point them to this article :-) Happy new year!

David Navarro López

5 years ago#5

Simply brilliant. You have made of me a follower after this buzz. LOL

Ken Boddie

5 years ago#4

#3
No chance of parking atop Uluru these days, John Rylance. All vehicular traffic has been kept well away since Bill Haley & His Comets released “Don’t Knock the Rock” in 1956. 😂🤣😂

John Rylance

5 years ago#3

I notice the native indigenous population made no objections to the project. They no doubt would have done once the waters began to go down and Noah tried to land on Uluru (Ayers rock).

Louise Smith

5 years ago#2

If Noah didn't make it here, how did we get lots of flora & fauna found no where else in the world ?

Ken Boddie

5 years ago#1

First of all, Royce, sound like old mate Noah relocated to the wrong state. You can get anything built in North Queensland or Northern Territory. So I suggest that Noah goes interstate, builds a leaky boat from banana leaves, then tells all the politicians and bureaucrats that they have been granted specials perks for a luxury overseas trip (on the leaky boat). They'll be on that sink-worthy craft as quick as a lizard drinking or a rat up a drainpipe. As for the rest of us who qualify under "2 of every living thing along with a few good humans", all we need is a couple of dollar bills each to see us through the pending floods. Everyone knows that, when times are hard, the dollar floats. 🤗

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