Dating Advice: Shut Up About Travelling.

"If you don't have an up-to-date passport, don't bother contacting me."

Lonely (haven't dated in 5 yrs)

Single people sure love to travel. Generations of knapsack-wielding, Birkenstock-wearing individuals have made their way across the continents, soaking up the culture, pushing themselves to learn “Where’s McDonald’s?” in at least four different languages. Many have “found” themselves in the temples of Bali or the marketplaces of Nepal. Others have learned you can get by making the “Golden Arches” sign with your hands.

We’ve had the “Age of Flight” when the Wright Brothers took to the sky at Kitty Hawk. Now it’s the “Age of Travel.” At least 70 percent of online dating profiles say they “love to travel.” Some, like Lonely, won’t date anyone who isn’t ready to travel. She’s not kidding. Lonely hasn’t had a date since 2012. Last year, she went to the North Pole (there’s actually a pole). In a post card to a close friend, she admitted she couldn’t “get laid by an Eskimo.”

Yet many, like Lonely, aren’t so much travellers as “chameleon travellers.” They do what they think you’re supposed to do when you’re single. They look online, seeing other people lapping up the sun in Turks and Caicos, or standing on the summit of Machu Picchu, and figure every single is either in a sarong or hiking boots.

Scientists refer to them as “chameleon travellers” because these people unwittingly mimic everyone else. It’s human nature, something that’s been proven to exist in every culture, what some experts call “pheromone-induced” comparative lifestyle.

Pheromones are known in the animal kingdom as the “social glue” that keeps them protected by moving in herds. Since we’re animals at heart, we do much the same thing. Just as you see a flock of pigeons flying in unison, we attune our social habits to others — especially when it comes to dating.

Only our herding comes from doing what we think others are doing. Back in the early 70s, we all went to discos because we thought everyone went to discos (actually, everyone did). Nobody questioned whether they liked disco. You dressed up, you went, you danced. In a sense, it was the era of “no thought whatsoever,” which is why so many of us got engaged in the 70s.

Jump forward to today and social media. Facebook draws millions each day, all wanting to show how amazing their lives are. To the “chameleon” in all of us, we want the same thing — especially singles. “I’m looking for someone with a career flexible enough to leave at any time,” Lonely wrote in her profile, before she realized even Eskimos aren’t that flexible with their schedules.

So what’s kept Lonely alone and disheartened? According to experts, the “chameleon effect” is a reflex action. We can’t fight the subconscious impulse to imitate others, so we specialize instead. “Specialized mimicry” is where you take one thing from someone else’s profile and make it your own. Since travel is so popular these days, it’s no surprise “I love to travel” tops the list of overused, worn-out phrases on dating sites.

This is followed by “I’m not looking for the right one, I’m looking for the one that’s right for me.” You may think it’s cute, but it makes other gag.

The point is, if you’re making others gag, is it any surprise you’re not finding the “one”? All you’re doing — especially if you make travel your specialty— is joining 70 percent of online daters saying the same thing. Lonely isn’t lonely for want of trying, she’s lonely because nobody sees anything different (except the fact that she can’t get an Eskimo).

Psychologists now believe mimicking could be what keeps us alone. Since we can’t fight the subconscious impulse to imitate others, we never distinguish ourselves. In fact, a study at University College London showed that 33.3 percent of respondents came to a “draw” in rock-paper-scissors (which gives you some idea what universities are researching these days).

Difference is obviously the only way to stand out from the crowd. That means fighting the impulse to imitate others. We may not be wired that way, but we can change the wiring.

As hard as it may sound — and I’m sure it’s murder for Lonely — it’s time to stop travelling (at least on your dating profile). Nobody’s looking for someone who loves to travel (everyone loves to travel, for f**k’s sake). And stop using phrases that make people gnash their teeth and gag. Try something original like this one: “Dating in your 40s is like trying to catch raindrops with a fork.”

I don’t know if that’s even original or not, but I hadn’t heard it. Nor had I heard “You’d better look like your pictures, or you’re buying me drinks till you do.”

Dating today is mass induction. Profiles are clicked through, passed over, and ignored at a blinding rate. You can’t join the herd anymore. You have to be memorable — and you have to care about being memorable.

People who say “Nobody reads profiles anymore” have nothing to base that on, other than nobody’s reading their profile. What’s worse, they see no point in changing. Dating sites are full of people who’ve been around for years. Their pictures never change, their profiles never change. They reach the “stale date,” but continue checking each day, believing the same action will have a different outcome (even Eskimos know that’s the definition of insanity).

I remember asking someone how we got so many dates back in the 70s. “Easy,” they said. “Nobody could hear us.” That’s the thing about social media today. Everyone can hear you. You’re judged on your words as much as your pictures. The trick is to avoid mimicry—especially travel—and say something original.

At least you won’t be wondering why Eskimos don’t want you.

Robert Cormack is a freelance copywriter, novelist and blogger. His first novel “You Can Lead a Horse to Water (But You Can’t Make It Scuba Dive)” is available online and at most major bookstores. Check out Yucca Publishing or Skyhorse Press for more details.