Dessert in a Hurry: Easy Pastry Cream for Jardinière.

So, there I was minding my own business in the shower. I had just lathered up what I call my hair when my wife threw open the shower door. She exclaimed, "Oh, MY GOD!" At first, I was flattered. Then I thought, hmmm, maybe this is about something else?

Hey, a guy can dream, can't he?

A little background may be in order. Today in my mother-in-law's 85th birthday. It's also the day after the doctor gave me the OK to ditch the sling. That thing was holding my right arm for the last 10 days. 

I dislocated my shoulder. Yes, I was doing something stupid at the time. Surprise!

My wife volunteered me to make dessert for 12. She was so busy mother-henning me she neglected to mention that. 

Worse, she promised I would make her Mother's favourite, Jardinière. 

FYI, a Jardinière is a classic French summer dessert. It's a pâte sucrée shell, filled with crème pâtissiere, and topped with glazed fruit. 

More colloquially, it's a big-assed sugar cookie smothered with pastry cream (custard) and topped with glazed fruit. 

Problem:  Pâte sucrée needs to be refrigerated overnight. I had an hour and a half, less a few minutes to dress. 

Me, cooking naked, is not a pretty sight, not to mention unhygienic. 

I sent Filly (that would be my wife, Filomena) to get fruit and berries while I figured out what to do.

A flan shell could play pâte sucrée's role. Cutting fruits is no biggie. Crème pâtissiere is a pain in the ass. Traditionally, milk is heated to 85C. It is then sweetened and thickened. You need to heat it super slowly so as to not scald it. The point from too cold to too late is an eye-blink.

Who has that kind of time?

Back in culinary school, I "invented" an alternate method. I use quotations because I since learned that hundreds had the same idea before me.

It saved my ass then, and now. Heck, I even had the time to write this post. 

It's fun having two hands again.

Paul's Easy Quickie Pastry Cream

This recipe makes about a kilo (2.2 pounds). This is enough for one well-filled flan shell.

Ingredients

• Line a serving tray with plastic wrap
• Set the water to boil
• Dump everything else in a stainless mixing bowl. Give it a good whisking while the water boils.
• Once the water boils, drop the heat to medium-low. The boiling water goes into the mixture. Pour a little at a time, and whisk well between pours. This is called, "tempering." The idea is to get the mixture up to temperature slowly. Dump the water in all at once and you get a disgusting omelet.
• Return everything to the pot. Return the pot to the lowered heat. Stirring constantly, heat to thicken. It will be quick.
• The pastry cream should be cuite a huit. That's "Cooked to eight," in French. Pull the spatula out and try to draw a figure eight with the drips. If you can complete the figure before the first part sinks into the mix, it's done.
• Pour it onto the plastic-wrapped serving tray.
• Cover with another layer of wrap.
• Lick the spatula
• Cool in the fridge.

When it's cool, dump it back in the mixing bowl and give it a good stir. Don't be shy, beat the hell out of it. Get it nice and smooth.

Pastry cream does not freeze well. It will last a 2 to 4 days if refrigerated.The fruits won't. Pastry shops usually re-fruit every day.

Warning

Don't try to make this in an aluminum pot, unless you are making this for a St-Patrick's Day celebration.  That's a joke. Make this in aluminum and it will turn green and taste nearly as bad as it looks.

Use stainless only.

This is where I put my rather pricey culinary education to, at least, some use.

It's a lot of fun for me. Hopefully, you enjoy it as well.

Cheers

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