Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

6 years ago · 6 min. reading time · ~10 ·

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How to See the Sleazy Underbelly of Life, Love and the Web

How to See the Sleazy Underbelly of Life, Love and the Web

VI

 

Blog Poets

About the Author

I'm a ghost but not the kind that's to pottery
wheels. I'm the wnting kind

Toften wonder if Im a tech-savvy writer or a
writing-savvy technologist Maybe I'm both. As
one CMO put it, "Paul makes tech my bitch!
That might be going a hittle too far

myTweetPack.com
The Ultimate Twitter System

Let's set the stage for an example.

It's a Friday night. A woman, call her, "Diane," is feeling a little frisky.

Diane dolls herself up, puts on matched lingerie and slips into her sexy little black dress. Every woman has at least one of those.

Black stiletto heels complete the Hunted Huntress look.

She heads out the door to her favorite watering hole/hunting ground. 

She's not particularly looking for sex. Still, she's open to the possibility should circumstances so dictate.

As Diane enters the bar, she feels every man's eyes lock onto her. 

She likes that. Sometimes it's difficult to tell hunter from hunted. 

Tonight she is both.

The possibility of sex just went up.

Diane sits at the bar. The bartender brings her usual Cosmo.

"From the guy at the end of the bar," he tells her.

Diane hasn't bought her own drink since -- well -- she never has.

Before guy-at-the-end -of-the-bar can make his move, in struts Jack. He locks onto Diane. He's focused like a laser-guided missile.

He's nearly as subtle as a laser-guided missile, too.

"Wow, that is some dress. It looks great on you!"

"Thank you," says Diane, with a welcoming smile.

Jack continues, "It would look even better crumbled at the foot of my bed. What you say we get outta here and go do the Beast-with-Two-Backs? Unless you're a pro. Then fuggedaboutit! I don't pay for it, ever." 

In case Diane doesn't understand the reference, Jack adds in a few pelvic-thursts into thin air while biting his bottom lip.

Diane's welcoming smile fades to a grim hard line. Where there was warmth, there is now cold Antarctic ice. That's the kind that's hard enough to break steel.

Diane has seen this type of ass-hat before. It's a natural hazard of being an attractive woman. She doesn't even get angry or shocked anymore. 

Diane turns and speaks to the man sitting on the other side of her. Jack no longer exists in her world.

Ignored, Jack looks surprised. How is it possible that Diane has no interest in his "obvious charms?" To him, there can only be one explanation

He leaves, muttering, "How come I always find the lesbians? Damn my rotten luck!"

What do you think?

Was Diane "asking for it?" 

No, I don't think she was. Sure, she got more than she bargained for. That happens. She dealt with it. 

This post is not about Diane. It's about Jack.

Was Jack a creep?

Was Jack an ass? 

Was Jack a cad? 

Was Jack an effing idiot? 

Yes, yes, yes, and yes.

Even players hate Jack, if only for his sheer lack of workmanship.  Diane was open to a sexual encounter. . . just not with a moronic ass-hat. 

Players are more annoyed about a squandered opportunity than the inappropriate behavior.

We established that everyone hates Jack. Even other ass-hats hate him. 

Many people would ridicule him, even, maybe especially, other ass-hats.

What about you?

Do you dislike him? Do you hate him? Does he make your skin crawl?

Do you think he is lower than the dog poop you once scraped off your shoe with a discarded popsicle stick?

Do you laugh at his ineptitude?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes.

This post is not just about Jack. This post is about you too.

This post is about you too.

You may shake your head at Jack's actions. You may see red. You may laugh at his antics.  You may despise Jack. You may ridicule Jack.

Marketers may say he alienated his target demographic.

But, here's the thing . . . 

Jack may do that sort of thing 2 or 3 times a week. You do it several times a day. 

Some of you do it thousands of times a day.

I kid thee not.

Are you an Ass-Hat too?

Diane was interested in, but not committed to, an encounter. 

I visit your website interested in, but not committed to, you or your product/service.

Jack offers Diane a sexual romp before even telling her his name. That's somewhat premature.

You want me to sign up for your newsletter or email list before letting me see your site. That's somewhat premature.

Sure, what you do is more socially acceptable. It's still asinine. It's still counter-productive. It's still ass-hatty.

If you're doing that sort of thing, stop now. Add a delay of at least a minute before that pop-up pops up. Make the sign up appear only when visitors are leaving (that's what I do). 

Do something. Otherwise, you are "Jack."

Premature Pop-ups aren't the worst thing

Jack propositioning Diane is not a permanent thing. She'll forget all about him before the evening is out. 

He may even improve. They even may get together weeks later if he does.

You asking me to sign up immediately is also fixable. Today I can refuse. Ask me again next time when there is a good delay between when I load your page and when you proposition me. 

I may agree then.

Those screw-ups are fixable. 

There's a new screw-up in town. 

This one is considerably more permanent. 

It's as if Diane had a facial-recognition app on her phone, AssHatTracker. She takes a picture of an ass-hat and it uploads to the cloud. Later, she can take a picture of a guy in front of her. AssHatTracker tells her if he's an ass-hat. 

A SIDE NOTE: Ladies, don't go running off to Google Play or iTunes. AssHatTracker doesn't exist. Or, maybe it does. Who knows? I sure as heck didn't check.

Permanent ass-hattiness isn't here yet. At least not in Real Life. 

Permanent ass-hattiness is here now on the web. 

I'm talking about Web Push Notifications. 

ebeea2b6.pngWeb Push Notifications are those little boxes that pop up every now and then telling you about something you subscribed to. The image at left is one YouTube sent me. (Hi, Chris!)

Web Push Notifications works like this

At least they work like this if poorly implemented.

You go to a website and poof! You get a little box on the upper left side saying, "www.AssHat.com would like to send you notifications. Allow - Deny." 

No, there is no, "I'll decide later after I see if it's worth my while to Allow," option.

Does anyone ever hit Allow without context as to why they should? 

I sure as hell don't. I hit Deny. 

When I do, the site is screwed. 

Here's the thing. You can only ask for notification permission once. 

Yes, you read that right. I'll repeat it.

You can only ask a vistor once to allow web push notifications.

If they deny permission, you aren't just an ass-hat. You're an ass-hat forever! You will never be able to ask that specific combination of device and browser for permission ever again.

That isn't 100% true, but close enough.

You can ask again, but the visitor will need to jump through a few hoops first.

1 - Click the padlock logo on chrome right next to the address bar.

2 - From the drop-down, find Notifications. It will say "Always Block on this site." 

3 - Click " Always Block on this site. " for a new drop-down menu.

4 - Select Use Global default (Ask)

5 - Go back to wherever the opt-in is and this time, click Allow.

It's actually even more complicated. At step 4, the visitor may notice an option to "Always Allow for this site," and click that instead. Whoopsies! The visitor will create the permission, but you won't know about it. You won't store it. You won't be able to act on it. Now, you're worse off than before. 

What do you think the chances are a user or site visitor will go through all that just so they can get your notifications? 

Yeah, I thought so.

There is nothing you can do to unblock yourself. You can't do a damned thing about it.

You had one chance and you blew it. 

Servers don't forgive and forget. They aren't just stupid. They're also very rigid.

There is a simple solution

To butcher Nike's slogan, "Just Don't Do It!" 

Seriously, don't. Seth Godin calls it "Permission Marketing." Others call it the "Golden Rule." 

I just call it common sense.

Give people a good reason to accept before asking. That pretty much applies to anything, not just the web. 

I've been in Sales or Sales Management most of my life. I  brought in Lord knows how many millions of dollars of business, but I can honestly say I never, ever sold anything.

I  just showed people why they should buy. I didn't sell. They bought. There's a difference.

When it comes to getting people to opt-in to your email lists or web notifications, don't push them. 

Don't try to trick them. 

Don't try to play them.

Just say why it would be a good thing for them to do. Tell them how they will benefit.

Web push notifications are very powerful. They're nearly as fast as SMS (texting) but far less intrusive. They're far more immediate than email but only slightly more intrusive. Ignore them and they melt away.

We implemented web push notifications on myTweetPack.com. For now, we only send system notifications to members when they need to do something on their account. It's sort of like an automated reminder system.

Members will never again miss out because they didn't supply a needed input. 

You would think the benefits of allowing us that permission would be obvious to myTweetPack members. 

I don't think it is.

There's a web page just for that purpose. You can see what I mean here. The important take away is that the formal permission request doesn't happen until after the reason behind it is revealed.

NOTE: The preceding link won't actually do anything useful for non-members. It will generate myTweetPack notification permissons, but without an account, nothing will write to the database. If anything non-members will just confuse the servers. Servers aren't very bright. They tend to pout when confused.

We will roll web push notifications out to the general membership in the coming weeks. We will restrict them to notifications from RSS/ATOM feeds. They will work much like our email marketing modules with the Feed Trigger. 

Push notification subscription/unsubscription will be by a simple hyperlink.

Create content and the System sends out tweets, updates LinkedIn, sends emails to subscribers,  and soon sends web push notifications to whoever subscribed to that.

Humm, finally a real solution to LinkedIn post notifications, or the lack thereof!

Cheers

To get an email whenever I post a new beBee Article, Click here

To get a web notification whenever I post a new beBee Article, Click Here


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Comments

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

6 years ago #31

If anyone is curious, I added a link to the myTweetPack web push service. I'll roll it out to the general membership over the next few days. Soon, all myTweetPack members will be able to offer subscription push notifications to their beBee, LinkedIn, INC, Blog, Thrive, Forbes, Entrepreneur, YouTube, iTunes, eCommerce listings, etc. Basically, they can offer them on all their content. (I'm even looking into adding an Amazon feed system.)

🐝 Fatima G. Williams

6 years ago #30

Great post Paul \ Loved the story it fits so right. Too many Jackasses out there. Whew like you say it's like someone is forcing yourself onto us. Thanks for the tips

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

6 years ago #29

#38
LOL, Randall Burns I figured if you can get a little steamy so can I hahahahahah

Randall Burns

6 years ago #28

HaHa! Great post Paul \, fantastic analogy which makes the point, even if it was borderline "bait 'n switch". ;-)

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

6 years ago #27

#34
Sure thing, Nicole Chardenet, where's the link? (just kidding, heheheheheh)

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

6 years ago #26

#33
Yes, Pamela \ud83d\udc1d Williams, and then they wonder why they have so many emails in the DB that are some variant of effOff@upYourz.com

Harvey Lloyd

6 years ago #25

#31
Yes as usually i don't know whether to have date night with the spousal unit or by a new laptop. Thanks

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

6 years ago #24

#30
LOL, yeah, I hate it when that happens, Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

6 years ago #23

I feel as though i opened my trash magazine and started reading and then some how a tech mag got slipped in amid story. Well the post was awesome but the labido was doesnt like it when exectuve functioning brain kicks him out of the way. Great post, loved the tawdry entrance and the tech out.

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

6 years ago #22

#28
Yes, his name is John Mellencamp. He started out as "Johnny Cougar." I have no idea what his management was thinking. He changed it to "Johnny Cougar Mellencamp" then "John Cougar Mellencamp" before finally and mercifully putting down the cougar. "Jack and Diane" and "Little PInk Houses" are my faves.

Kevin Pashuk

6 years ago #21

#22
If I'm remembering right, for a while John Mellencamp called himself John Cougar Mellencamp. That adds an interesting twist to the first part of your Jack and Diane fable.

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

6 years ago #20

#19
Thank you, Debesh Choudhury particularly since it was you and Jeffrey Strickland who gave me the thumbs-up when I needed it. I was ready to quit the whole social media thing after my 20th LI post with little engagement. Some 300+ posts later I'm still around thanks to you guys.

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

6 years ago #19

#17
Only two people in the World can get away with calling me, "Paulie," Pascal Derrien, my sister and my sister-in-law. I think my aversion to the name stems from my love of mob movies and TV shows. "Paulie" is always the idiot in those shows/movies. All that said, call me whatever you like, just don't call me late for a beer. heheheheheheheh

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

6 years ago #18

#14
Hey, Pascal Derrien, technology IS sexy

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

6 years ago #17

#16
LMAO, Claire L Cardwell, you and every other attractive woman on the planet would love AssHatTracker! Maybe I should create it for real.

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

6 years ago #16

#12
Today, I'll be modifying the myTweetPack notifications to incorporate "Dismiss" and "Visit Notification Management" buttons. I really think the best way to use these things is to make it very easy to subscribe and even easier to unsubscribe.

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

6 years ago #15

#11
Yes, and I already apologised to Kevin Pashuk. I guess I should apologise to John Mellencamp too

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

6 years ago #14

#15
Claire L Cardwell the link is correct. Maybe it was just a temporary glitch?

Debesh Choudhury

6 years ago #13

Technology becomes "honey" at the hands of Paul \ .. Thanks Paul for making complex marketing lesson simple

Pascal Derrien

6 years ago #12

ah now Paulie you make technology sounds so sexy :-) Can I call you Paulie honey :-) !!!!!

Pascal Derrien

6 years ago #11

When technology sounds sexy by Paul :-)

Lisa Gallagher

6 years ago #10

#7
I can think of a few people I'd like to send to Antarctica, if I do I will be sure to have them get in touch for a free membership ;-) Oh and my post below, I meant their twitter profile, not their site.

Lisa Gallagher

6 years ago #9

Ok, I love the analogy you used with Jack and Diane. Seriously, did you think of the song when you used those names or was it just me? I just clicked on MyTweetPack push notifications, of course I want a notification if it pertains to MyTweetPack. I have to say, I only allowed one ONCE from youtube and the first time I saw it show up in the lower right corner of my window, I thought, what the heck is that??? I clicked on it and realized what I had done. I haven't done that again. I don't like them. I'm lucky, this particular user doesn't have too many show up. I also hate when you connect w/someone on Twitter and immediately get an auto DM with a link to their website and an automated, thanks for the follow... what stings is when I click on their site again to remind myself what they are peddling, I see they are not following me (remember, they followed me first). Easy fix- unfollow back! PS: I just scrolled though comments before I hit send, I see I wasn't the only person that had John M's song come to mind LOL. In good company!

Lisa Gallagher

6 years ago #8

wait, ok... I'm only 1/3rd of the way through reading this but I had to say, "I'm reading a little ditty about Jack and Diane," Two American kids born in the heartland? Ok, back to reading.

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

6 years ago #7

#8
Thanks, Pam. No need to leave if you get a push... just deny permission and continue on

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

6 years ago #6

#6
Shhhhh, don't tell anyone, Wayne Yoshida. Web Push Notifications are not pop-ups so blockers don't work on them. Try it. Allow myTweetPack to send you notifications. AdBlock will ignore them. That's something that worries me going forward. Push notifications can include big pictures, sound, video, selection options, and even vibration. Google et al will need to be very careful to not have them fall to disfavor through misuse Fortunately, every web push notification has a permanent block function built right into it. AHT may be a fun project even though I wouldn't know where to start to write facial recognition sequences. I think it has to do with measuring 43 points of reference between faces. . or maybe I just heard that on a TV show. I think I'll leave it to someone else. I have enough to do with myTweetPack. I need to nail down the member-side of push, then light a fire under the SMS (texting) guys (We may even incorporate global voice calls. If we can do that why not global video-calls? Here's to hoping!). Then integrate Pinterest and Facebook, then i'm-not-sure-but there-will-be-something Oh, and I also want to switch our time. Originally, myTweetPack was a public version of the system I wrote to manage my writing clients' accounts. I was the only user of that system so it only considered my time zone (UTC-5). Now, we have members on every continent except Antarctica. The time-zone shifts are getting clunky. I really should move everything to UTC and use offsets from UTC for each member. OPEN OFFER: The first person who can prove they're in Antarctica gets a free myTweetPack membership.

Wayne Yoshida

6 years ago #5

Thanks for the tip about the accept / deny feature, Paul \ - I didn't realize that one. Speaking of pop-ups -- I am addicted to Ad Block. . . an office mate does not have this installed and I am amazed about his tolerance to pop-ups. On another note, I think you may have initiated a new and useful app. Ass Hat Tracker (AHT).

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

6 years ago #4

#3
#4 My apologies, Guys... but since the TV show "Blackish" also massacres "Jack and Diane" I figured the song was fair game. Besides, I think this lends a whole new side to, "Not knowing Jack."

David B. Grinberg

6 years ago #3

Well, Paul, all I can say is you've done a grave disservice to one of my favorite 1980s nostalgic songs about childhood innocence. That would be the John Cougar Mellencamp favorite, "Jack and Diane" (of course). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h04CH9YZcpI (watch/listen) On the other hand, Paul, (no pun intended) there are some apropos lyrics that may relate to your blogging buzz (LOL): "Diane sitting on Jacky's lap Got his hands between her knees Jack he says: "Hey, Diane, let's run off behind a shady tree Dribble off those Bobby Brooks Let me do what I please..."

Kevin Pashuk

6 years ago #2

While I enjoyed the post Paul, you've ruined John Mellencamp's song "Jack and Diane" forever. Not only is it stuck in my head, my imagination is running rampant, and not in a good way.

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

6 years ago #1

#1
Tell me about it, Ren\u00e9e \ud83d\udc1d Cormier! I don't know if you remember my post, https://www.bebee.com/producer/@paul-croubalian/when-is-a-friend-with-benefits-better-than-a-devoted-spouse ? The answer was only in SEO, but you should see some of the comments and private messages. Actually, they were all on LI. People here tend to read before they comment.

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