How to Tell if Your Customer is an Idiot
As business people, we always try to meet or exceed our customers' expectations. Whether we call them clients, customers, patrons, or guests is irrelevant here. They are the ones we depend on to keep our doors open.
They are the ones we opened our doors for in the first place.
Let's also understand that no one can be everything to everyone all the time. We shouldn't even try to be. We profile our ideal customer and build our businesses to fit.
Sure, we account for some play in the picture.
Sure, we define our customers within a range.
Sure, we can often adjust to fit different customer profiles.
We aim to please.
So what happens when a customer is an ass?
What happens when someone comes to you who is not even a little related to the profile? Worse, they are the exact opposite to the profile you built for.
A café owner in Ireland experienced just that.
His reaction was over the top. I admit that. It led to a social media shitstorm. It also led to a crazy amount of free publicity (this post included). Let me pause to thank Stuart Kidney for posting a link to this story.
I suggest you take the time to read it. It's funny and scary at the same time. Let me just give the gist here.
The White Moose Café is in Dublin. Owner Paul Stenson recently started a tweet war with vegans. It all started when a vegan entered the café.
She complained that the White Moose did not provide an adequate selection of vegan fare.
Let me give you some background here. This is the definition of "Veganism" according to Wikipedia.
Veganism is both the practice of abstaining from the use of animal products, particularly in diet, and an associated philosophy that rejects the commodity status of animals. A follower of veganism is known as a vegan.
The first item on The White Moose's breakfast menu is an all-butter croissant. Butter is an animal product.
That should have been the vegan's first clue.
Other clues abound.
Pictures of menu items show heaping piles of ham hocks, bacon, and sausages. There's also a picture of a humungous burger that tempts me to call Aer Lingus right now.
It doesn't take a culinary degree to know that meat is not proper vegan fare.
What was that idiot vegan thinking? If I'm in the mood for Chinese food, I'm not walking into a French restaurant. If I do, I can't complain about the lack of Chinese menu items.
Our society seems to be heading towards a hare-brained idea.
We think we should go anywhere and do anything, anytime. Everyone must support and cater to our beliefs. Everyone must meet our every whim.
We have seen the Face of God... and he is the CONSUMER!
No, we are not so obligated, and no, Mr./Mrs. Consumer, you are not God.
Some people will cater to your beliefs. Others won't. You must choose where to frequent. It is not up to you to tell me how to eat or how to run my business.
Use your freaking head.
If you are vegan, don't go to a steak house. If you are allergic to shellfish don't go to a seafood place. If you want to buy a suit, don't go to the grocery store.
Smarten up!
There's no shortage of businesses catering to just about every penchant out there. Choose the one that matches.
I have a close friend who is vegan. She won't even wear leather shoes. She eats nuts, fruits, and vegetables. That's it.
Presumably, she only eats the ones that fell off the plant by themselves. You know, the ones that died of natural causes.
I like her a lot, but I never invite her over for dinner. I can't meet her dietary requirements. Worse still, etiquette requires that I eat the same thing I serve her.
At my age, there are few things I can still do like a rabbit. Eating is one of them, but I choose not to.
I do not try to convince her to join us omnivores. She doesn't try to convince me that meat is murder. We get along fine. That's the way it should be.
We are under no obligation to cater to every whim of every customer all the time. This applies to every business.
That is not to say that we should not accommodate special requests in keeping with our "raison d'être". That's where the hospitality industry shines. It elevates customers to guest status. As Jeffrey Summers and Mark Hitri once said, "Never call a guest a customer." That speaks volumes for their industry.
But, even they have their limits.
I write and I set up customer engagement systems. Come to me for blog posts, white papers, case studies, or copywriting. I'll bend over backward for you.
Come to me for a Customer Engagement Platform / Social Media Strategy. I'll set one up that will blow your mind.
Come to me for an oil change and you're shit out of luck.
Can I do your oil change? Sure.
Will I?
Not a chance.
Originally published on LinkedIn, Nov 3, 2015.
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Comments
Lisa Gallagher
6 years ago #26
I like those! I would wear a pair. :)
Pedro 🐝 Casanova
6 years ago #25
look... http://bit.ly/2pdTviF
Lisa Gallagher
6 years ago #24
I just learned something new!! :)) I had no idea. Thanks!
Javier Cámara-Rica 🐝🇪🇸
6 years ago #23
Paul "Pablo" Croubalian
6 years ago #22
LOL, for you, Christine, I'll make an exception. Just drive on over here to Montreal.
Neil Smith
6 years ago #21
Yes it did. Bizarrely.
Pedro 🐝 Casanova
6 years ago #20
Well...dont do that " fits " in a spanish shoe store because they do sell Mercedes....well..in fact is Merceditas...which is a type of shoes with a closed tip and one single strap across the foot and uses a button to hold them...
Kevin Pashuk
6 years ago #19
Wayne Yoshida
7 years ago #18
Paul "Pablo" Croubalian
7 years ago #17
CUSStomer... I LOVE it! The reality is that excellent customer service is a partnership between the provider and the customer. I was once in a crepe house (the Creoes breton type... huge very thin dough filled with all sorts of good stuff). A woman asked the owner to make her crepes without egg. Note, crepe batter without egg is glue. When the owner explained that it was impossible, the customer flew into a rage. People do not control the laws of physics and chemistry
Paul "Pablo" Croubalian
7 years ago #16
It takes all kinds to make a world. Most vegans I know are not militant. They recognize that it's a choice they made. They may not understand how we can eat meat or wear leather. They let us be. Come to think of it, if they were militant they wouldn't be friends, would they? That said, I don't eat my extra-rare steak in front of vegan friends. It's a two-way street.
Lisa Gallagher
7 years ago #15
I sort of like how that sounds Paul \, 'Mercedes footwear.' Can you imagine the ad's one could create?
David Navarro López
7 years ago #14
Paul "Pablo" Croubalian
7 years ago #13
Jerry, is that a euphism for ... Never mind. LOL
Jerry Fletcher
7 years ago #12
Paul "Pablo" Croubalian
7 years ago #11
Wow. Just imagine all the passersby looking for great Chinese that never went in.
Paul "Pablo" Croubalian
7 years ago #10
Hmmm, Mercedes footwear? You may be on to something, Lisa
Paul "Pablo" Croubalian
7 years ago #9
Tell me about it! I watched a new TV show yesterday called "The Great Indoors." Boy, do they ever push that! It also portrays Millennials as wooses and brilliant idiots with illusions (not delusions) of grandeur.
Paul "Pablo" Croubalian
7 years ago #8
You may be right, Alexa. I also saw a woman get upset when she was called a polyglot. She thought it meant "fat." True, English can get confusing. "You are the shit!" is good. "You are shit!" is not. This was not one of those cases
Paul "Pablo" Croubalian
7 years ago #7
LMAO, Randy. Yup, it is only in English. I guess I could have written it in French too. But, I have never met two French-speakers who could agree on phrasing. Come to think of it, I never met two English-speakers who could either. Satire is difficult to write, particularly on an international stage. Don't sweat the shit lists.
Lisa Gallagher
7 years ago #6
Randy Keho
7 years ago #5
Paul "Pablo" Croubalian
7 years ago #4
Yeah, it never ceases to surprise and annoy me when I look at the sense of entitlement so prevalent these days. Lately, there was a news story about another idiot here in Montreal. It seems he bought an electric car but could only park it in the street. He was upset that he wasn't allowed to run the thick charging cable over the sidewalk. He felt he had an "innate right" to charge his car. Really?
Paul "Pablo" Croubalian
7 years ago #3
Thanks, Harvey
Michael D. Davis
7 years ago #2
Harvey Lloyd
7 years ago #1