Kevin Pashuk

5 years ago · 2 min. reading time · ~10 ·

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I Don't Get No Respect!!!

I Don't Get No Respect!!!

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Rodney Dangerfield made a great living by claiming "I don't get no respect!".

His typical one liners included such quotes as:

    •  "When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them."
      "I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio."
      "With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave."

      We laugh at Rodney, but I can’t help but think that we are all a bit uncomfortable because deep down inside, respect is something that is one of humankind’s basic needs, right up there with shelter, food, and a strong wireless signal.

      We crave respect.

      Sometimes we demand respect.

      According to Emerson Eggerichs, in his book “Love and Respect”, those of us with the Y chromosome actually desire being respected more than we desire being loved.

      If it is such an innate desire, then why do we see so little of it in our world?

      Check out the comment section on any news feed, look at our political parties, look at those who support a specific political party, look at inter-office dynamics, and since I’m writing this on Social Media, look at the lack of respect displayed in many online platforms. (Thankfully, the dynamics at beBee seem to have escaped much of this.)

      It’s a wonder our kids believe anything we tell them.

      We say ‘Respect your elders’, and then model behaviour that displays anything but.

      Wouldn’t our personal and professional relationships be better if respect was woven through each encounter? (That’s a rhetorical question – of course they would be.)

      Why do so many people feel that giving someone respect is the same as surrendering to their ideologies? 

      Why does partisanship trump respect? (No pun intended.) (Seriously.)

      Why do we defend our position by tearing down others? 

      Is it that our own position can’t stand on its own merits?

      Perhaps it was because I grew up in an area where there were approximately 100 people in 100 square miles, that we realized that although we differed on some things, we were in it together, and the concept of community made it better for each one of us.

      So what does respect look like to me?

      • Respect welcomes different ideas. It is okay to think differently. If we were all the same, we would all drive grey Jeep Cherokees, or we would all be dog people, or all vote for one political party. The real world is diverse, and that’s what makes it great.
      • Respect positions the needs of the relationship, organization, community, or country above our own personal agendas.
      • Respect works hard to give everyone the chance to be heard.
      • Respect wants the best for others. It challenges ideas and ideologies that are hindering growth, or are destructive, hateful, and self-serving. This is not by shouting at people that they are wrong, but through persuasion and modelling of good behaviour. (Note: I really, really respect the people in my life who saw my potential and have called me out on these types of behaviour).
      • Respect allows other people to be human – which I mean is a life full of foibles and mistakes.

      When I show respect to my wife, my kids, my team at work, my neighbours, and other people in general, I find that the respect I so innately crave is returned.

      Amazing how some things are so simple, yet so difficult.

      So… until next post.

      Respectfully yours,

      Kevin

      PS. There is no way I could write a post on R-E-S-P-E-C-T without including a link to this:

      _______________________________________________________________________

      Image: Used under creative commons license.

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      About the Author:

      I’m the AVP - Information Technology for Sheridan College, in Oakville, Ontario Canada, where my team is transforming the delivery of education through innovative application of technology.

      I'm convinced that IT leadership needs to dramatically change how IT is delivered rather than being relegated to a costly overhead department.

      In addition to transforming IT in my role as CIO, I look for every opportunity to talk about this... writing, speaking and now blogging on BeBee (www.bebee.com/@kevin-pashuk) , LinkedIn, ITWorld Canada, or at TurningTechInvisible.com.

      I also shoot things... with my camera. Check out my photostream at www.flickr.com/photos/kwpashuk 

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Comments

Claire L Cardwell

5 years ago #43

Glad this article came up again Kevin Pashuk - I agree wholeheartedly with you that if we all had the decency to treat each other with respect then the world would be a much better, more peaceful place. This article is more relevant now than ever before with the goings on in the Trump administration....

Kevin Pashuk

5 years ago #42

#46
Most of the important topics have multiple facets. Thanks for adding to the conversation Jim. I'm sure we could kill several beverages discussing the impact of economic imperialism.

Jim Murray

5 years ago #41

You have hit on a key issue that our society is experiencing now. You could even broaden the concept of respect out to things like economic imperialism, which in actuality, spawned the global terrorist movement. Imperialist nations historically have shown a total lack of respect for the countries they were conquering and pillaging. And there's really very little need to get into the current political situation in the US other than to say that it was caused by a complete lack of respect between liberal and conservative ideologies. I know I am dwelling on the negative side of respect. But frankly it's all around us now and I find the need to speak out about it as you obviously do. Respect and tolerance go hand in hand. Great post Kev.

Kevin Pashuk

5 years ago #40

#44
One again, I am appreciative of your sharing Franci\ud83d\udc1dEugenia Hoffman

Franci 🐝Eugenia Hoffman

5 years ago #39

#43
Yes, I agree. Sharing.

Kevin Pashuk

5 years ago #38

Time to repost this one....

Kevin Pashuk

5 years ago #37

#39
Thanks Ken. I find it's not retrospect I get, but more looks of pity and/or mild amusement.

Kevin Pashuk

5 years ago #36

#38
Thanks Paul.

Kevin Pashuk

5 years ago #35

#37
Thanks Jared. Life's 'rules' are pretty straightforward, regardless of how your chromosomes go... but that doesn't make them easy.

Ken Boddie

5 years ago #34

One thing I find about getting older, Kev, is I tend to get more retrospect than respect. ☹️

Paul Walters

5 years ago #33

Kevin Pashuk As always a highly entertaining post !!! Bravo!

Ken Boddie

5 years ago #32

Rodney Dangerfield's quotes and Aretha Franklin's R-E-S-P-E-C-T are great ways to illustrate this post, Kev. I used to listen to the former on the Qantas flight comedy channel, and who doesn't love the latter? Taking a tip from Rodney, in retrospect, I also love respect, but all I seem to get around here is rejection. You see, my boomerang won't even come back to me! 😢

John White, MBA

5 years ago #31

Kevin Pashuk: Nice work on this one. You had me at the picture of Rodney Dangerfield! The team at beBee has shared your post out to a very wide network on social media including beBee's official Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter pages. Buzz on, my friend!

Kevin Pashuk

5 years ago #30

#32
#33 Thanks so much for commenting and sharing Sarah. It's amazing how the really important things were taught to us as kids... "Treat others in the way you want to be treated." Keep spreading the message!

Sarah Elkins

5 years ago #29

"Why do so many people feel that giving someone respect is the same as surrendering to their ideologies?" Indeed. I've written a couple of articles along these lines, one was Respect vs. Being Respectful, acknowledging that we can treat someone respectfully (taking the high road), without respecting him/her. Behave respectfully, and your relationships will improve - and you'll be happier. Really.

Sarah Elkins

5 years ago #28

This is such an important concept, Kevin Pashuk, and you presented it beautifully. "Why do so many people feel that giving someone respect is the same as surrendering to their ideologies?" Indeed. I've written a couple of articles along these lines, one was Respect vs. Being Respectful, acknowledging that we can treat someone respectfully (taking the high road), without respecting him/her. Another one was about being respectful and good ambassadors/role models for our children. If we are rude and inconsiderate to others, especially to our children and partners, we cannot expect them to be polite and considerate to anyone, especially us! Good reminders here, Kevin, sharing for sure.

Kevin Pashuk

5 years ago #27

#30
Thanks Phil. I'm certainly in agreement that real respect is more than back pats... Constructive truth is a foundation of love and respect in action.

Phil Friedman

5 years ago #26

#17
#16 - So as not to disappoint you, Kevin, or Jim, or for that matter Don, I agree one 125% with everything you've said here. And I think what you've said is important. I am, however, moved to add --- here it comes, the ubiquitous proviso --- that respect often involves treating others as equals, as much in your expectations of them as in your willingness to tolerate their foibles. To my mind, that means not letting friends express half-assed ideas and opinions, without at least calling for them to discuss and defend them. The obverse of this is, for me at least, that simply patting everyone on the back (or head) and saying great job, independent of the facts, is a form of disrespect. We love our children (at least when they are very young and cute) and we nurture them with an abundance of the kind of positive reinforcement intended to build their senses of self-worth and self-respect... but we do not in doing so "respect" them. It is only later when they grow into capable adults, worthy or our questioning of, and disagreement with them that we exhibit true respect for them as fully capable adult persons. My point: love and caring are not synonymous with respect. Witness that we can, or should be able to respect people we don't like. Great post... with all due respect.

Kevin Pashuk

5 years ago #25

Thanks for the share and comment Franci.

Franci 🐝Eugenia Hoffman

5 years ago #24

sharing to Respectfully Yours

Franci 🐝Eugenia Hoffman

5 years ago #23

This is a good reminder of how it should be. I love this statement "Amazing how some things are so simple, yet so difficult.". and your link to R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Nice post, Kevin.

David B. Grinberg

5 years ago #22

Excellent message, Kevin. Respect and empathy are both critically important for the human condition and positive interpersonal relationships. Also, FYI, I'm a big fan of the late/great Rodney Dangerfield. In my younger days, I attended one of his comedy shows and visited his comedy club in NYC ("Dangerfields"). Not sure if it's still there. His movies are hilarious too. Actually, I recall that when I attended his comedy show as kid on Long Island (NY), one exuberant fan/heckler yelled out: "Hey Rodney: where's the beef?" (per the popular Wendy's TV commercial back then). Without missing a beat, Rodney automatically responded to the fan/heckler: "Not in your pants!" Good memories. Buzz on!

Renée 🐝 Cormier

5 years ago #21

#22
It's all in the science, Kevin!

Kevin Pashuk

5 years ago #20

Well said Harvey.

Harvey Lloyd

5 years ago #19

Thanks Kevin Pashuk a good reminder that we require feedback that acknowledges our existence and value. I believe one of the blinders to respect these days is the right and wrong internal debate. I can respect someone and not agree with their opinion. What ever journey they have taken has lead them to a place. I can respect their journey while not agreeing with their position.

Kevin Pashuk

5 years ago #18

#21
If you knew my family, you would know how true your statement really is... :)

Renée 🐝 Cormier

5 years ago #17

#20
Ah, yes. The first born and the second born are always opposite. Don't worry, though. Your sister has to endure the misery of being a perfectionist ( a constant battle to silence the discord within) and middle borns are always way better adjusted than the first and last. :)

Kevin Pashuk

5 years ago #16

I'm actually a middle born... but with a seven year gap to the next sibling. The bigger problem is what I call the 'sibling shadow'. My older sister was a high achiever and was always the best student, the best athlete (she held several track records in high school), and highly popular. I was two years behind her. For this rebellious kid, it seemed pointless to measure up, so I suppose I may be influenced by that. Thanks for your comment Renée.

Renée 🐝 Cormier

5 years ago #15

Are you a last born child by any chance? According to Kevin Leman in his book, The Birth Order Book, we last-borns always seem to feel a bit short changed in the respect department. Here's a link to his book. https://www.amazon.ca/Birth-Order-Book-Why-You/dp/0800734068 I enjoyed this post, by the way. :)

Kevin Pashuk

5 years ago #14

#16
Phil Friedman has answers... whether you require them or not, and you pretty much know what they are going to be before he even speaks them. He is consistent which is why we love and respect him.

Jim Murray

5 years ago #13

This all makes sense and I'll bet you a nickel that Friedman has pretty much all the answers you requite. LOL. Wonderful post. Hope everybody here reads it.

Kevin Pashuk

5 years ago #12

#14
Thanks Pascal. If we could filter out all the disrespectful behaviour on television, would there be anything left to watch?

Pascal Derrien

5 years ago #11

A timely reminder ☺

Kevin Pashuk

5 years ago #10

#11
Thanks Don.

Kevin Pashuk

5 years ago #9

#10
Thanks Alexa. We seem to earn more respect when we laugh at ourselves... and who doesn't like to sing "Sockittome, sockittome, sockittome, sockittome"?

don kerr

5 years ago #8

Hear, hear Kevin! Sharing.

Kevin Pashuk

5 years ago #7

#7
I got your gist Joel. After all, respect lets me let you make misteaks.

Joel Anderson

5 years ago #6

#4
Next time I will type without my thumbs on my phone and use those little things called reading glasses. Said dog gone it, said not saud (no disrespect to the House of Saud of course).

Kevin Pashuk

5 years ago #5

#5
Thanks Aaron. This is only my opinion (of which I have a few), but in the context of a relationship, I generally see trust given until something breaks that trust, then it has to be re-earned on a long, long, road. Respect must be earned from the outset.

Kevin Pashuk

5 years ago #4

#2
Thanks Joel.

Kevin Pashuk

5 years ago #3

#1
Thanks for the comment David. Love, Empathy, and Respect all have to be there in order to have strong relationships, or be a strong leader.

Joel Anderson

5 years ago #2

Well saud, respectfully,

David Navarro López

5 years ago #1

What a great post Kevin, thank you for writing and sharing. I agree entirely with it. If I could to add something, from my personal point of view, is I see respect going hand on hand with love and empathy.

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