Look Mom, I’m Darth Vader!

Last week I met with two wonderful, intelligent gentlemen I met through beBee, Don Kerr and Kevin Pashuk. Don is an extravert like me and Kevin is a rather gentle and quiet soul. We got to talking about our personality types. Like Don, I could never remember the results of any Myers Briggs test I ever took. All I ever remembered was that I am a definite extravert. Fast forward a few days later to Graham Edwards’ post about speaking up. In his post, Graham suggested everyone go online to do a quick and free Myers Briggs test. Needless to say, I suddenly felt compelled to see what I was all about (like I didn’t already know).

Here are the results of my test:

My sister is certified to administer Myers Briggs tests and insists that most people don’t really know how to interpret them. They actually go much deeper than just providing you with the above information. Nevertheless, this does give a rather accurate account of my general disposition. I sent the screen shot to my husband who tends to be a bit critical of my practical side (it interferes with his frivolity). He emailed me back to tell me I had the same personality type as Darth Vader! He Googled ESTJ and that’s what came up. It’s bad enough that Martha Stewart and Hillary Clinton are on that list (two ball busters), but Darth Vader, too? How cold and evil am I?

As I look deeper into the list, I see  men who are certainly known for being intelligent and successful. What's wrong with Henry Ford, Bill O'Reilly or Tom Clancy? Dr. Phil has a sense of humour, and even though his show doesn’t interest me, I did catch enough of it in the early days to know that I like his no bull shit demeanor. Go figure. I tend to tell it like it is and I hate when people try to screw with me. I also can’t tolerate people who make lame excuses for their shortcomings. If I were a shrink, I’d probably have a really hard time with the “unconditional positive regard” thing that they are all supposed to give you. I’d be just like him, telling people they are NOT okay!

How come women who won’t put up with crap from people are ball busters and the same type of men are just men?

We have some strange notion that women are supposed to be doormats who never question the motives of others. We also tend to believe that women can’t be soft and strong at the same time. I am strong and determined, but I’d like to think that I am not overbearing. I am also very warm, loving and affectionate. Anyone who knows me would be able to tell you that. I also have a ton of compassion, but here’s where my practical side kicks in. A certain relative, who I will not name, has been enabled to the point of being disabled in her life. She finished high school several years ago and was never encouraged to do anything with her life. In her entire life she was never pushed to finish anything she started. The result is that she is an unemployed, uneducated frustrated perfectionist who has decided to opt out of trying anything for fear of failure; and everyone but me accepts this from her. I was told I have no compassion. Horse shit, I say! In my mind, the more compassionate thing would be to encourage her to try to be successful. The selfish and easy thing is to enable her by affirming that she is weak and incapable of doing more.

When you enable people you keep them needing you, and that, to me, is the cruelest thing you could ever do to another soul.

I want my children to be independent and self-sufficient. Sometimes it means having to hand out a little tough love, but you know what? They are all going forward with their lives. Even my son who lives with a disability sets goals and regularly achieves them. I have never said anything to my children to make them believe they had intellectual, emotional or physical limits. I always encouraged them to try, even when I was afraid they’d fail. We all need someone who believes in us, who is a cheerleader for our goals and dreams; someone who will tell us that we are going to be okay. We also need someone to give us a kick in the ass now and then. I guess that’s part of what ESTJs do.

Note: 'Extravert' is the spelling used as the standard in psychology. 'Extrovert' is the bastardized English version which is now acceptable in modern language.

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