Me And My F**king Cold
I actually didn't get a cold this year, (knock on wood). But I know lots of people who did. So this little blast from my past is dedicated to them. Poor babies.
Every fucking October, no matter how balmy the weather, how well I’ve taken care of myself or how effectively I have managed to avoid germ ridden people out there in the world, I get a fucking cold.
A cold is a total pain in the ass, because it’s doesn’t so much lay you out flat, as it does make you feel like you don’t want to do anything, except be pissed off about having a cold.
Everything you do is accompanied by something with the word fuck in it. Like “Aww fuck I forgot my water bottle downstairs’, or do I really turn on the fuckin’ barbecue. Shit like that.
Everything you have to do outside of watching TV and trying to sleep is uphill work. All normal activity in your life comes to a stop. This includes stuff like getting dressed, combing your hair and shaving. None of this stuff is essential when you have a cold because you don’t give a shit how you look. You’re just more or less happy to be drawing air. Fuck, I hate it.
Useless Cold Gear
The other thing about a cold is the fact that you have to walk around with a box of Kleenex like some pissant millennial lugging a cell phone. You blow your fuckin’ nose for like ever, and yet there is still stuff in there that needs to come out.
Then after a while the bottom of your nose and the surrounding area gets all chapped and you have to put Vaseline on it, and then you have to lug the Vaseline around too.
The Cold Remedy Con
The drug stores are filled with stuff you can take to ease your coughing, dry up your all the crap that your sinuses keep producing and relieve your head congestion, But that’s all a fuckin’ scam. None of that shit works.
But you buy the stuff anyway, because you have a cold and what the hell else are you supposed to do?
I usually get my cold from my wife, who is asthmatic and doesn’t get colds but lung infections. Her condition makes me feel like a total pussy complaining about mine. But I complain anyway.
She bought some of this Buckleys Cough Syrup. Buckley’s has this positioning line for their advertising…It Tastes Awful But It Works. Well, they are half right. It tastes like shit. And because it tastes like shit you don’t want to take it, so you never really get to actually find out if it works or not. I just dumped it this morning.
On The Upside
Lately I have started to think that maybe I’m doing a bit much. I’m also at the stage where I have to start thinking about some new things that are happening in my head, which is where all my business ideas start.
So in a weird way, my stuffy head is also helping me clear my head to make way for some new shit to start blooming there.
I’ll never be thrilled about having a cold. I mean, they suck and there’s no two ways about it. But no matter how many R&D people are slaving away in big pharma, and no matter how many bullshit new products they come up with to con you out of your money when you’re at your weakest and most vulnerable, know this.
1. You get a cold whether you like it or not
2. It fucks you up and slows you down and turns you into a wimp
3. It usually lasts about a week if you are in any sort of shape
4. You can take all kinds of shit for it, but nothing will really work.
5. You get to be bitchy and swear a lot. You also get to moan a bit every time you actually have to move or do something, even like reaching for the TV remote or buttering your toast.
6. There is no cure. If you get a cold, you’ve got it till it decides to leave. The cold always wins.
Jim Murray is a writer, marketer, editorialist. reader, sports fan and TV watcher. He has been actively posting on social media since 1998. Jim is also a former ad agency writer and art director. He lives with his wife Heather in Canada on the Niagara Peninsula and does strategic and creative work for a small group of companies working to make a positive difference in the world.
My Current Blog Streams Include:
The Couch Potato Chronicles (Entertainment Opinion & Reviews (Book, TV, Movies, Sports, Web)
Brand New Day (Environmentally Conscious Products, Services & Processes)
Muritorial (Social Commentary)
Murmarketing (Communications Advice)
I am also a Featured Contributor on BizCatalyst360˚
You can follow me:
On beBee: https://www.bebee.com/@jim-murray
On LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jim-murray-b8a3a4/
On Facebook: https://tinyurl.com/y97gxro4
On Bizcatalyst 360˚ https://www.bizcatalyst360.com/author/jimmurray/
Other posts in this series can be found · at http ...
This is the third article in this series: The othe ...
You have no groups that fit your search