Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

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MisAdventures in Mid-Life Dating: The Talk, The Result, The WTFFF?

MisAdventures in Mid-Life Dating: The Talk, The Result, The WTFFF?Last Saturday was the day of "The Talk." You know, that's the talk that results from those words that freeze every man's blood solid, "We need to talk."

We men all know that "We need to talk," really means, "You had better listen to me talk!"

Coco initiated The Talk.

For those of you following this series, you know Coco is formidable in many senses of the word.

Coco's Edit: You bet your sorry ass, Mr. Arse with a capital A!


BTW: Cyndi wilkins, thank you oh so much for capitalizing the A in Arse (he said factitiously). You did, however, make  Coco's day. Maybe you made her week.
Me, not very thrilled and Coco, definitely thrilled

I wondered just what it was we needed to talk about / listen to since Coco and I were not an item and would likely never be. Did Coco even have the right to call a "We need to talk" talk? 

I think not.

No matter. I sucked back my trepidation and decided to just take whatever lumps she needed to dish out. Then, I'd get on with my life, and she with hers. She's a good kid although she hates it when I call her that. Whether she hates the term "kid" or not is irrelevant. I'm 59 she's 34. Ergo. . . she's a kid.

Coco's Edit: Unprintable. Those luscious lips frame a serious potty mouth.

It didn't start well. 

I was late, Coco was swimming in the lake -- again. I doubt the swimming is a coincidence. True that shape of hers probably requires significant maintenance, but. . . I was over 15 minutes late, so what was she still doing in there? 

Who knows? Who cares? 

Maybe she didn't think I'd show up. 

Maybe it was more a "look at what you're missing" thing. Coco in a bikini is indeed impressive.

Either way, it was pissing me off, no matter how skimpy that bikini was.

Coco's friends had answered the doorbell and brought me to the patio table out back. Was this to be a group The Talk, intervention style? (No way I would tolerate that. There are limits to what I will endure appeasing youthful hurt pride.) 

Her two friends were looking me up and down like some freak. 

My left eyebrow arched. That's my tell that I'm getting annoyed, bordering on angry. I never caught Coco's friends' names, they weren't there last time. I'll just call them Red and Bob-cut. 

Coco's Edit: Melissa and Joanne. Sorry if they were rude. They were just defending me.
My Edit: From what? I've been nothing but straight with you. The last thing I want to do is hurt you in any way.

The Reader's Digest Condensed version of "The Talk"

The Talk, from beginning to end took a little over an hour. I can't and won't even try to give a full rendition. I think it went far differently than Coco planned. That works for me, considering the plan. Ok, back to it. 

Red and Bob-cut spoke between themselves like I wasn't even there. That did nothing to improve my mood. They spoke in French even though they answered the door in English. I don't know if they knew I'm fluent, or if indeed they cared. I doubt they did.

Red: I don't know what she sees in him.

Bob-cut: Me neither. He's pretty old.

Me (silently, I'm neither stupid nor suicidal.): Exactly! I don't know either, and yes, I'm way too old for her. I agree 100%. Can we get on with this? I have someplace else to be.

Red: She says he makes her laugh. He doesn't look all that funny. (I can be, but not just before a "The Talk." To be sure, Coco has a warped sense of humor and laughs easily. You don't need to be Robin Williams to make her laugh.)

Bob-cut: She says he's charming... whatever that means. (I have no idea what it means either. I think Charmin is a brand of toilet paper.)

I was listening to Mutt & Jeff a.k.a. Red and Bob-cut for about 15 minutes before Coco climbed onto the dock. I hate mind games and waiting in equal measure. I was not a happy camper. But, Lac de l'Achigan is pretty cold. Cold water, as described by the sage, George Costanza of Seinfeld fame, causes shrinkage in men. 

It has the opposite effect on women. 

I ceased to hear what Red and Bob-cut were saying. 

Coco sauntered over and said, "Want a sandwich, drink, or something?"

I rarely drink, but a big shot of liquid courage sounded a propos. On second thought, I would be driving shortly through winding forest roads. Hopefully, it would be very shortly. Ideally, it would be right then and there. (My Edit: Maybe it should have been.)

Coco's Edit: What?! Cyndi, talk to him! He's being an Arse again!
My Edit: Cyndi wilkins, Coco is under the impression that you hold some sway over me and can convince me of stuff. I don't know why she thinks so. She also thinks you are on her side in this debacle, debate, or WhateverTF it is. Sorry that you keep getting dragged into this.

My mouth said, "No, thank you." I was thinking more along the lines of, "No, can we just get this shit over with?" The eyebrow was still arched. I noticed that Red and Bob-cut retreated a small distance. This Talk wouldn't be intervention-style after all.

Coco: You seem tense and annoyed. Is everything OK?

Me: Have you ever told a guy, "We need to talk," and he wasn't tense and/or annoyed?

Coco: I guess not. I can't say I ever thought of it. At least you showed up.

Me: (Silently, "And that may be part of the problem. . . a big one.") Out loud: Whatever. . . Could you do me a favor? Go change before you start talking. That is, go change if you want me to actually hear anything you say. (waving a hand towards her) All this is far too distracting.

Coco left shaking her head and, lo and behold, Red and Bob-cut were actually smiling. I'm not sure if they were amused or if it was the type of smile Great Whites reserve for a pod of seals.

I think Great Whites.

The eyebrow arched higher.

Where was I? Oh yes, Coco went off to change from her bikini into something less inflammatory.

6f320d40.pngAllow me a short digression. It has been said that 87% of women who wear yoga pants do not practice yoga. It has also been said that 100% of straight men don't give a shit whether or not those women practice yoga, as long as they wear the pants.

I'm a straight man. Yoga pants are the bane of my existence. Yoga pants on shapely bottoms more so. I have walked into stop signs. I have upended trash bins. Once, I even walked right out into traffic. I really need to buy myself a set of blinders like horses wear.

Coco's Edit: No, that would just make you walk backward and be even more dangerous.

You wanna guess what Coco put on? You'd be right on the first try. 

Not only did she put on yoga pants, the not-so-little minx paired them with a short T-shirt. I'm not a fashionista, but I think they call it a belly shirt. 

That just wouldn't do.

Coco's edit: heheheheh. Got to you, huh?

Me: That's not any better, Coco!  You're still awfully distracting.

Coco: I don't get you at all!!! What does it matter what I wear? You've made it perfectly clear that you don't like me.

Me: Huh???!! Why the hell would you say that? I like you quite a bit, just not in that way. Would I even be here, about to get chewed out, if I didn't give a shit about you? And, it matters a great deal. I can't afford the distraction right now. You know what, never mind, you wanted to Talk? Here I am. So Talk.

She was smiling -- at least a little. This was my first inkling that I may actually survive this "The Talk."  

Coco: Cyndi (Cyndi wilkins) was right! You are an Arse with a capital A. Worse, you are a PRESUMPTUOUS ARSE! Capitalize everything! (My Edit: Done.)

Red and Bob-cut were frowning again -- uh oh.

Me: Okay, what did I do?

Coco: Arse! You don't know?

Me: (rapidly approaching my boiling point) If I did, would I ask?

Coco: ARGHHH!

My Edit: I really don't know how to spell the cross between a snarl, sigh, and growl that came out of her mouth. "Arghhh!" is close enough for you to get the general idea.

Red and Bob-cut were looking downright homicidal. 

Coco: I don't know why I bother. (My edit: Well, to be fair, neither do I.). You say I'm too young, but I can't help my age. I don't care about your age. You also say I act older anyways. So what the fuck is the problem?!? It was one thing when you were hung up on this C-chick, but what is your problem now? My fucking biological clock that is ticking audibly? You really are a Presumptuous Arse.

Me: Well...(I wasn't happy at having a friend referred to as "this C-chick." C deserves better than that.)

Coco: I'M NOT FINISHED!

My eyebrow was so arched at this point that I thought it would break. Is it even possible to break an eyebrow? If this had gone much further I would have found out.

"My apologies. Please continue," I said quietly. I get very quiet just before an eruption. The quieter I get, the bigger the eruption. I have an A-bomb temper connected to a verrrrry long fuse. It explodes with little warning though. Coco was cutting that fuse awfully short. 

I really wanted to shout, "YES, YOU ARE FINISHED. Just shut the hell up 'cause I'm off like a new bride's pajamas!" 

And we all know that nothing goes off faster than that.

Gone were thoughts of bikinis, yoga pants, and belly shirts. Even those flashing eyes and heaving jiggly bits didn't abate my anger. I was fit to be tied. 

I don't think I let it show.

Coco's edit: No, you didn't. Wow, that was you super pissed off?
My edit: No, that was me seeing red, well past super pissed off. Another few seconds and you wouldn't have recognized me. 
Coco's edit: You're not mean when you're angry.
My edit: Oh, I can be. I can be downright viscious, trust me. I have a terrible temper. That's why I keep it severly in check. I was just about to leave rather than blow up.

Coco: (Continuing) Yes, I want to have a child someday, but I never said I want to have one with you, you Presumptuous Arse!

Me: (Rage subsiding as I took that factoid in. She was right, damn it. Guys, don't you just hate it when that happens?) Okay, that's a good point, I'll give you that. I was wrong.

Coco: Huh?

Me: Huh, what? I jumped to a faulty conclusion. Okay, I accept that. I've processed it and corrected it in my mind. Let's move it along, shall we? 

Coco: Huh? That's it?

Me: I don't understand.

Coco: I had this whole schpeel lined up. I even practiced it!

I could see Red and Bob-cut nodding and rolling their eyes. I guess the schpeel was where I got flayed alive (figuratively, I hope). I assume she practiced it on them.

I didn't mention that getting pregnant from somebody else is the biggest relationship deal-breaker there is. It didn't seem wise at the time. 

Coco's edit: No shit, Sherlock the Arse! I wouldn't do that to you or anybody! Good thing you didn't mention it! That schpeel would have come in handy.

Me: Sorry, go ahead if you like.

Coco: OMG! You're infuriating (My Edit: Come to think of it. . . she said that a lot.) (Coco's edit: Well, you are!!) (My Edit: And yet. . . ).

Coco continuing: Well, there's really not much of a point to doing that now, is, there?

Me: If it makes you happy to chew me out, go ahead. Just remember it isn't like we committed to anything or even hinted at committing to anything. We played golf. We don't talk much, or often. We've never gone out on a date. What's the real issue here?

The look I got was a combination of incredulous-ness and frustration. 

Coco: You don't want me! (Speaking to Red) Mel, how often have I come up here this summer?

Red: Three times.

Coco: And last year? 

Red: Never. 

Me: And?

Coco: I come all the way up here to spend a measly hour or two with you, you Arsehole. You can at least appreciate it. Better, you can reciprocate! (My Edit: I assumed Coco wanted "arsehole" capitalized so I did.)

Me: That's not quite true, is it? You came up here this time to chew me out. The first time was just a coincidence that we were on the same lake. You came up to "see me" only once and that was during a massive heat wave when a lakefront visit is a great idea. Don't bullshit me, Coco. 

I think Coco was shocked that I called her on her bullshit. (Coco's Edit: Maybe not shocked, but definitely taken back. Most guys just pretend they believe me I guess.) (My Edit: Yeah. And how's that been working for you so far?) 

Coco wanted to be in the No-Bullshit Zone. That means no bullshit -- from either side. That means each side tells the truth, the whole truth, unvarnished, unadorned, warts and all. That means no half-truths. That means no hiding stuff. That means nothing implied. That means completely open blunt communication. That means exposing your complete inner self to the other.

No bullshit means complete honesty. It isn't easy to do.

Me: Here's my take on this, Coco. I think you are more annoyed that I refused you than you are attracted. It's the fact that I refused you that makes you want something more. If I pursued you, you would likely run. Does that make any sense?

Coco: What kind of psycho-babble horseshit is that? NO! It doesn't make sense. You are driving me nuts. (My Edit: I assume she meant not in a good way) (Coco's edit: Really, you think? Captain Obvious/Oblivious/ARSE!)

Me: Maybe we should just call this, whatever this is. I'd rather just keep you as my golf buddy.

Coco: (After a few moments lost in thought) No, I have a better idea. You're not hung up on C anymore, right?

Me: (Apprehensively) No, but I don't think I'll ever be 100% over C. I've had a minor crush on her longer than you've been alive. Let's just say it's back to minor crush status.

Coco: Learn to lie. Okay, I can work with that. D is in {location removed to preserve annonymity}, right? Do you still talk to her?

Me: Yes, once or twice a day usually. I like her. That's not gonna stop unless she stops it. I really enjoy our chats. If she were local we wouldn't even be having this discussion.

Coco: WTF?! She's like 10,000 klicks (kilometers) away, I'm right fucking here!

Me: Closer to 13,000 actually. We already went over this, Coco. There is no you and me.

Coco: Let me finish, PLEASE. 10,000 or 13,000 I'm not worried about overseas competition. I'll start worrying if she ever shows up here, okay? I propose to prove you wrong -- again. 

Me: Oh? How will you do that and what am I wrong about?

Coco: Never mind that. When do you finish up here? (The Summer Camp)

Me: Next Thursday afternoon, why?

Coco: Because I'm making you dinner next Saturday -- you've cooked enough -- then you're taking me out. It doesn't need to be anything fancy, a movie is good. 

Me: Coco...

Coco: NO! You say I'm only interested because you're not. Fine, let's test your oh-so-fucking-brilliant theory. As of right now, we are dating!

Me: Say what?

Coco: You heard me, Mr. Arse! And don't even think about arguing. What are you worried about? I'm gonna run soon anyway, right?

Me: Yeah, but -- Fuck!

Coco: So, what do you have to lose? That biological clock bullshit? Fine, we're non-exclusive, is that better?

Me: uhhhhh...well . . . 

Coco: Gee, I thought writers were eloquent. You sure as fuck aren't.

Me: Well, you certainly came out of left field with this. . . OH FUCK IT!

Look, a guy knows when he's beaten. I was bamboozled, hogtied, served, and a number of other clichés. Nothing for it but to go along. I guess Coco and I are now dating? I'm really not sure how serious this is. I guess I'll find out on Saturday.

One way or another, I give it a couple of weeks, a month tops.

Coco's Edit: AGGGGGHHHHHH!!! You really are infuriating! Shut the fuck up! I'm starting to wonder if we'll even make it to Saturday. Be at my place at about 5, Mr. Arse. Dress nice for our date.

What the Fuckity-Fuck-Fuck (WTFFF) just happened?


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The Complete Series So Far

On Love, Relationships, Loss, And Mind Hell

How To Build Your Own No Bullshit Zone

MisAdventures in Mid-Life Dating: The Male View

MisAdventures in Mid-Life Dating, the Male View: The Ambush

MisAdventures in Mid-Life Dating: Coco Revisited and Cyndi Answered

MisAdventures in Mid-Life Dating: Enough is Enough

and this one: MisAdventures in Mid-Life Dating: The Talk, The Result, The WTFFF?




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Comments

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #99

#104
LMAO.... yeah that caused me a ton of grief... but many laughs as well

Cyndi wilkins

3 years ago #98

And to think this all started with a capital "A" ...WTFFF;-)

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #97

#94
The end result is in comments # 71, 72, and 73. I'll paste them into the next post along with the subsequent happenings

Louise Smith

3 years ago #96

#100
Not any girl - try to FLIP the statement on a gender line Switching teams - too much information To become Trans is a Bad Idea - you will experience gender discrimination - also very high suicide rate Florence is not good on irony - but most Aussie's get it ! Regardless of gender ! It's typical humour Down Under ! "Understanding of a problem is not really necessary so long as we know what the problem is." Now that's a humdinger !

Cyndi wilkins

3 years ago #95

#93
Lol! I jumped off THAT cliff a long time ago Louise Smith...I would probably be your 'Thelma!' As for you Mr. Paul \...I enjoy being wrapped up in your perfect storm;-)

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #94

#93
#97 Yes, indeed, Louise, not ALL girls, but definitely most. I'd consider switching teams but for two reasons: 1 - I like women too much to switch. Even my inner female is butch and like women too. 2 - That would be a whole different type of pain in the ass. A case in point -- I woman of my acquaintance is named, Florence. I remarked that then tropical storm Florence has just been upgraded to hurricane status. I laughed at the name choice. In my mind, Florence, a very nice, polite soft-spoken woman is by no means a massively destructive force of nature. Ergo, the naming of a probable killer storm "Florence" is funny to my warped mind. She's mad at me for bringing it up. All my girl-friends agree. All my guy-friends don't get it (myself included). Understanding of a problem is not really necessary so long as we know what the problem is. I apologized. I'll try to write the next post this weekend. I've been incredibly busy, and no not in that way.

Louise Smith

3 years ago #93

#98
I lived 15 minutes from the best beaches on the relatively sparsely populated Gold Coast till my mid 20's so dashboards, gear sticks even back seats weren't really an issue ! Do you remember Sandman Panel Vans Chris \ud83d\udc1dR Guest ? https://www.whichcar.com.au/features/the-kelley-family-crazy-panel-van-collection

Louise Smith

3 years ago #92

"Damn but that girl is infuriating. " ======== NOT JUST THAT GIRL Paul "Pablo" Croubalian ! MEATLOAF WISDOM AGAIN https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wO8toxinoc

Louise Smith

3 years ago #91

Schwab ending Columnist Tommy Tomlinson coined this in honor of Charlotte Observer editor Gary Schwab who taught him to look for the unexpected ending. In a story about a young fishing star who died in a plane crash, Tomlinson ended with a description of his family scattering his ashes. "That's the ending I expected," Schwab told the reporter. "Can you give me an ending I didn't expect?" Tomlinson found a scene where the fisherman's parents were playing a video of their son the day he caught his first fish. Tomlinson thought it was a much better ending because it ...went back to the beginning and added richness to what was going on in the family's as well as the kid's. Is there a Schwab ending you could put on this story Paul \ ?

Louise Smith

3 years ago #90

So there's a choice of ending genres - XXX NO NO NO Explicit ending – This is the ending that wraps everything up and answers all the questions. ???? MAYBE ? Implicit ending – If you like an ending that is strongly based on interpretation, then you like implicit endings. YET TO BE REVEALED Twist ending – As the name implies, this ending is unexpected or twisted. PLEASE NOT THIS ONE ! Tie-back ending – This ending ties the end of the story back to clues planted in the beginning. NOT MUCH CHANCE OF THIS ONE ! Unresolved ending – In unresolved endings, the main conflicts are left unanswered with reader left to ponder the outcome. Cliffhanger endings would also fall under this category. MOST PROBABLE REALLY MEANS "NEVERENDING" Long view ending – These endings tell what happens to the characters a significant time frame into the future.

Louise Smith

3 years ago #89

ULTIMATUM ? "When I brought her back home, she confirmed the new ground rules with me, So long as neither is in a relationship, we will not be the first call, but we will always accept the other’s invitation." HE agreed that was right. SHE decided that means they’re now Friends-with-Benefits!” WAIT how did that happen ? While I was on hols this was supposed to conclude ? I come back & ??? WTFFF 1 ??? WTFFF 2 ??? WTFFF 3 ??? We are no further along We are now waiting with bated breath for WTFFF 4 ??? or FsWBs 1 ! (Typical journo t)

Louise Smith

3 years ago #88

#88
Remember Cyndi wilkins is a self confessed GHOST Writer so needs to earn Pivotal Payments to continue with life style accustomed to. Hence we have installments with drama, drama, drama with CLIFF Hangers that appeals to everyone to hook in the lonely hearts, the happy in a relationship so it's not my problem, the I was born to Match Make so I am superior to you, the self diagnosing I know what I am capable of , the projection diagnosers, the poor me wallowing, the self effacing I'm just an old guy, the ego stoking I'm with a drop dead gorgeous young woman so I'm more alive than you, the denial that this couldn't be happening so why is it , the self deprecating humour of get in first so no one else can ......

Louise Smith

3 years ago #87

#85
DENIAL according to PsychoDynamic theory Harvey Lloyd ! Froid Fried Frog Sang !

Louise Smith

3 years ago #86

#84
Psycho Psycho Psycho - PsychoDYNAMIC DUO (sorry about the stuttter !)

Louise Smith

3 years ago #85

#75
You are Incorrigible Chris \ud83d\udc1dR Guest

Louise Smith

3 years ago #84

#73
CLIFF HANGER Appropriate scary music ............

Cyndi wilkins

3 years ago #83

#82
Thanks for the meatloaf mention Louise Smith;-) LOL... I do remember making that suggestion to Coco earlier in this same post I think??? Yep...there it is... "Now go out and have some fun you two!!...And just a suggestion Coco...Paul likes meatloaf;-) I have a great recipe if you're interested." Whatever....sounds like y'all had a nice time...Glad this finally showed up on my feed thanks to your tag Louise...I was curious how this all turned out. The 'Friends with Benefits' thing??? Not quite what I was thinking...but whatever works!!

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #82

#86
No offense taken. Well, maybe Coco may have... but we need to make allowances for children. Frig! She had better stop punching me in the shoulder! I took it as the joke it was obviously meant to be

Harvey Lloyd

3 years ago #81

#85
I am enjoying the episodes of as the world turns here. Maybe Netflix will pick up the screen play you are writing. I reread my comment this morning and it was a little forward. I was going a little Freudian within the screen play. Didn’t mean to offend anyone with the fictitious diagnosis.

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #80

#84
LOL... I definitely do not have Mommy issues. I don't know about Coco.

Harvey Lloyd

3 years ago #79

#83
A long time ago there was an add in the back of a superman comic book where you could order a book about marriage counseling. I ordered and read all three pages. So consider me an expert on such affairs. The first analyses i draw from these chronicles is that Paul you have suppressed mommy issues where Coco has suppressed daddy issues. Each of you feel if you can sort these out it will fix your parental perspectives. That covers page one of the exhaustive three page education. Page two would suggest that either love or sociopath behaviors exist with you Paul. Anyone that would walk into a cave where the dragon is blowing flames out of it has to be in love or a sadomasochistic. Page two of this Phd level read would say that love is at the bottom. No not that bottom. Page three suggests the solution. It is possible that each of you need to work through the parental issues but on the other-side of this workout could be a lasting relationship. Then you can get the same three page book i got, and start your own marriage therapy group. You see these three pages insure that never never land exists.

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #78

#81
Ya think??!! Melissa and Johanne (Red and Bob-cut) have since apologized. They thought I was just a dick who was hurting their friend. The rudeness was intentional if uncalled Why did I go along with The Talk? Two reasons: 1 - In my experience, the sooner A Talk takes place, the easier it is to take. Festering resentment turns it into anger. 2- I hoped to exit fairly unscathed, but keeping my Golf Buddy. It is seriously effed up no, it's FUBAR (Fucked up beyond any recognition). I'll just let it run its course to its eventual early demise

Louise Smith

3 years ago #77

#74
Cyndi wilkins

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #76

Who started the theme song thing? I like it. Here's mine: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHmH1xQ2Pf4

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #75

#64
Coco has no reason to be jealous of W1, W2, or H. Two are basically history and H was never even a consideration. D is quite another story, but she is some 13000 kilometers away, so not much of a threat. Since I feel closer to D than to Coco (distance notwithstanding), I guess it may make sense to be jealous. I doubt it. Likewise, C is a non-issue. I suppose it's theoretically possible that the crush would ignite again, but that is unlikely to the extreme. Again, no reason to be jealous. NIFOC or SMASH? I'm not really into either. I'll leave "conquests" to the young guys who haven't yet figured things out. No, I think Coco is used to being pursued. Too, I think it bugs her that the tables are turned here. I also suspect she enjoys pursuing more than she cares to admit. They say the brain is the most important sexual organ. Coco's is engaged, mine is skeptical. . . at least for now. I can almost hear Louise Smith saying, "Now is everything. Now is the foundation for tomorrow." Or some other such thing. Whatever

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #74

#76
Yeah, but have you ever been out with someone and guys send her drinks while she's sitting and talking with you? I guess they thought I was too old for her too

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #73

#75
Messenger actually

Ohh sweet Jesus.., That's a Hell of a story...

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #71

WTFFF Pt 1: I was 15 minutes late again. As a rule, I’m never late. Yet, I was late twice in a row. Omen? Subconscious sabotage/warning? Who cares? Coco prepared meatloaf with garlic mashed potatoes and a green salad. Dessert was cannoli with a cheese assortment. She somehow got it in her head that meatloaf was my favorite meal. That’s sweet, but inaccurate. It isn’t like I don’t like meatloaf, though. Anyway, her meatloaf was moist, and very tasty. Wayne Yoshida get your mind out of the gutter! I later found out that she originally made carrot cake for dessert but tossed it when she had trouble with the cream cheese frosting being too runny. When she tried to fix it, it became too sweet. Been there, done that myself. It’s tough to cook and bake for a chef and pastry chef. People think they need to hit perfection. Nope, when you try we appreciate your effort. We understand the pressure you put on yourself. Coco did great. I don’t remember ever saying so, but carrot cake is my favourite and I am a cheese-aholic. Supper was great. We yakked throughout about nothing and everything, but couldn’t agree on a movie. Coco wanted to see The St-Anne’s Boardwalk that I always talk about. I was surprised she had never been, so off we went. We walked up and down the boardwalk gawking at boats, talking (again just small talk). We also played a game… people watching and adding the dialogue that we couldn’t hear. That was hysterical. It was fun. We went into a restaurant for drinks, it’s called something or other Bar and Grill but were told we had to order food to get drinks. Coco said, “I can eat,” and, yes, she can. Lord knows where she puts it. We ordered mussels arrabiatta with extra sauce on the french fries. More importantly, there was a single malt for me and a dark rum and diet coke (?? Is that a thing) for Coco. Very soon after that things got weird, but just a little.

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #70

WTFFF Pt2: I don’t know if this is an advantage to dating Coco. In some ways it is. In other ways it’s annoying and just a little insulting. None of it is her fault though. I ordered a single round of drinks, yet Coco and I had 3 each. No, it wasn’t three-for-one night. We were nibbling on our fires, watching passing boats, talking etc, when the waitress comes over with another dark rum and diet coke, “Excuse me, this is from the gentleman at the counter.” She then sort of nodded towards me, and I saw a slight nod from Coco. A few minutes, later, a single malt showed up. The process repeated itself. It started bugging me, my left eyebrow started arching. Coco noticed and called the waitress over, “The next time just say I drink vodka doubles straight up and bring me water. Charge the idiots for vodka.” To me, she said, “Sorry, it’s not like I asked for it.” Seriously, guys, what’s the idea of sending drinks to random hotties? Has it ever worked? So, bottom line, I saved about $60. That’s not a bad thing, I guess. At this point, Coco asked about the boats moored on the other side of the canal. I explained there was a man-made island over there with picnic tables. “Let’s have a picnic!” Her enthusiasm for the little things is infectious. We packed our leftover fries in a doggie bag, and ordered another batch with sriracha mayo. We picked up the emergency blanket from the trunk of my car. Neither of us are big drinkers, so we were pleasantly pickled. Coco kicked off the heels and we set out to the island for our picnic. We sat on the blanket, yakked, cracked jokes and nibbled on fries for a while. Then we lay on the blanket looking up at the stars. That’s when the fireworks started.

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #69

WTFFF Pt 3: No Wayne Yoshida, I don’t mean those kinds of fireworks. I mean real ones. The kind that swoosh up in the air and blow up into a gazillion bright points of light. There must have been some sort of competition across the river. There were four, fifteen-minute shows with five-minute “intermissions” between them. We had a great view from our picnic’s vantage point, but I was distracted since Coco was using my shoulder as her pillow. Her hair smelled great and there were other views. Overall, the date actually was one of the better ones ever. We get along great. We enjoy each other’s company. But, that age difference is a major issue, at least to me. Over the date, we agreed that we would be each other’s DLR. – Date of Last Resort. We won’t be the first call, but, provided neither is in a relationship, we will always accept the other’s invitation. I’ll work on the free drinks thing. Hey, if they want to toss their money away, who am I to say otherwise? When I brought her back home, she confirmed the new ground rules with me, So long as neither is in a relationship, we will not be the first call, but we will always accept the other’s invitation. I agreed that was right. “Good. That means we’re now Friends-with-Benefits!” Then she planted a big wet one on me before closing the door in my face. Damn but that girl is infuriating.

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #68

#67
Wow, Louise... "Don't spit the dummy Spill the beans on the Cat's Pajamas So we can decide if you "pass muster" as all cats love fish but fear to wet their paws ......" Cliche overdose!!! So do we want the short answer or a full post?

Louise Smith

3 years ago #67

#68
Yes Paul \ we all want the final answer to WTFFF?

Louise Smith

3 years ago #66

#68
Yep like I said Glad I'm not a young thing who texts - a whole 'nother language with constant variations & of course NO RULES ! The source of many more PhDs to come.

Cyndi wilkins

3 years ago #65

#65
Geez Louise!!! The only one I got there was 'Goat'...And I knew it didn't mean 'Old Goat' LOL! I can hardly wait for the results to come in;-) .... (fingers drumming on the keyboard)

Louise Smith

3 years ago #64

"MisAdventures in Mid-Life Dating: The Talk, The Result, The WTFFF? " Now if the fat lady has sung (not meaning W1, W2, C, Coco, D or H) We want the final answer to WTFFF? Don't spit the dummy Spill the beans on the Cat's Pajamas So we can decide if you "pass muster" as all cats love fish but fear to wet their paws ......

Louise Smith

3 years ago #63

#58
LUCKY for HIM !

Louise Smith

3 years ago #62

NOT LOST IN TRANSLATION ( I'd rather translate Japanese any day & Glad I'm not a "young thing who texts " ) NB: NO Malicious Intent Intended PART 2/2 BC she's THIRSTY & can't get you NIFOC or SMASH - BC because - THIRSTY : desperate for something - NIFOC : Naked in front of the Computer - SMASH : have casual sex best to SKURT but stayin could be GOAT - SKURT : leave - GOAT: Greatest of all time ! HUNDO P - 100% Happy reaction to drama I'm SCREAMING - I'm laughing so hard right now I'm CRYING - I'm laughing so hard right now I'm DYING - I'm laughing so hard right now

Louise Smith

3 years ago #61

NOT LOST IN TRANSLATION (4am can't sleep wot else would I be doin as no longer a bride) (Internet speed also astronomically faster) NB: NO Malicious Intent Intended PART 1/2 First up you CURVED - CURVED : reject someone romantically At least you didn't FLOP - FLOP : cancel at the last minute BIG RIP you're in it - BIG RIP : "Oh No" 0r "Oh Damn" SMH BB BC - “Shaking my head Baby because...” You gave TEA but were GD SAVAGE - TEA : told, spilled the beans - GD SAVAGE : Goddamn insulting RE: SHIP time to GLOW UP - SHIP : relationship - GLOW UP : upgrade to a better (looking vs age appropriate ) version Coco'c just SALTY & she's VJELLY of W1, W2, C, D & H - SALTY: bitter about something or someone - VJELLY : very jealous - W1: Wife 1 - W2 : Wife 2 - C : The First Pissed Off Woman - D : Diane E - H : The Third Pissed Off Woman

Louise Smith

3 years ago #60

NOT LOST IN TRANSLATION ( I'd rather translate Japanese any day & Glad I'm not a "young thing who texts " ) NB: NO Malicious Intent Intended PART 2/2 BC she's THIRSTY & can't get you NIFOC or SMASH - BC because ; THIRSTY : desperate for something ; NIFOC : Naked in front of the Computer ; SMASH : have casual sex best to SKURT but stayin could be GOAT - SKURT : leave GOAT: Greatest of all time ! HUNDO P - HUNDO P : 100% Happy reaction to drama I'm SCREAMING - I'm laughing so hard right now I'm CRYING - I'm laughing so hard right now I'm DYING - I'm laughing so hard right now (I don't wear nighties !)

Louise Smith

3 years ago #59

NOT LOST IN TRANSLATION ( I'd rather translate Japanese any day & Glad I'm not a "young thing who texts " ) NB: NO Malicious Intent Intended PART 2/2 BC she's THIRSTY & can't get you NIFOC or SMASH - BC because; THIRSTY : desperate for something ; NIFOC : Naked in front of the Computer SMASH : have casual sex best to SKURT but stayin could be GOAT - SKURT : leave GOAT: Greatest of all time ! HUNDO P - HUNDO P : 100% Happy reaction to drama I'm SCREAMING - I'm laughing so hard right now I'm CRYING - I'm laughing so hard right now I'm DYING - I'm laughing so hard right now (I don't wear nighties !)

Louise Smith

3 years ago #58

NOT LOST IN TRANSLATION (4am can't sleep wot else would I be doin as no longer a bride) (Internet speed also astronomically faster) NB: NO Malicious Intent Intended PART 1/2 First up you CURVED - CURVED : reject someone romantically At least you didn't FLOP - FLOP : cancel at the last minute BIG RIP you're in it - BIG RIP : "Oh No" 0r "Oh Damn" SMH BB BC - “Shaking my head Baby because...” You gave TEA but were GD SAVAGE - TEA : told, spilled the beans ; GD SAVAGE : Goddamn insulting RE: SHIP time to GLOW UP - SHIP : relationship ; GLOW UP : upgrade to a better (looking vs age appropriate ) version Coco'c just SALTY & she's VJELLY of W1, W2, C, D & H - SALTY: bitter about something or someone - VJELLY : very jealous; W1: Wife 1; W2 : Wife 2; C : The First Pissed Off Woman ; D : Diane E ; H : The Third Pissed Off Woman

Louise Smith

3 years ago #57

#37
Joining the Songsters https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3QGMCSCFoKA Chris \ud83d\udc1dR Guest

Louise Smith

3 years ago #56

RE "I'm off like a new bride's pajamas!" HERE'S the DRUM - Seems like Aussie Brides wear Nighties not PJs Multiple Websites credit the saying "off like a bride's nightie" Australian from 1960. meaning the supposed eagerness of just-married couples to have sexual intercourse on the night of their wedding. # 1 (Australia, slang, simile) Making a rapid departure; away Just before it was to be his shout, he was off like a bride′s nightie. (shout = pay for a whole round of drinks at the pub or a bar) # 2 (Australia, horse racing) Moving quickly and resolutely. Synonyms 1.off like a prom dress (US as in Aus we don't have Proms) 2. shoot through like a Bondi tram (Bondi = Bondi Beach, Sydney bayside suburb) 3. off like a bucket of prawns 4. off like a robber's dog IMPORTANT VARIATION Up and down like a bride's nightie / up and down like a dunny (toilet) seat - changing your opinion, or overactive.

Cyndi wilkins

3 years ago #55

#55
Ha ha...At least he capitalized the 'Smart' part of the Arse;-) Lol!

Louise Smith

3 years ago #54

#52
Taking a Bow ! (as in after doing something very very very well !) ( Not as in TIE )

Louise Smith

3 years ago #53

#50
Chris \ud83d\udc1dR Guest

Louise Smith

3 years ago #52

#52
What's that kid's saying ? "Takes one to know one !" Chris \ud83d\udc1dR Guest

Louise Smith

3 years ago #51

#52
What's that kid's saying ? "Takes one to know one !"

Jerry Fletcher

3 years ago #50

#45
Chris, that is quite a picture you paint!

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #49

#50
#51 Smart Asses the three of you... LMAO #49 you too, Louise

Cyndi wilkins

3 years ago #48

Oooooooo!!! I love this game! How about this one Paul \?!?! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRJLmyIKDzw Good luck tonight;-)

Louise Smith

3 years ago #47

#43
VERY BEST ADVICE SO FAR is from Jerry Fletcher Except for DO NOT GO AT ALL UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES (my preferred course of action if I gave advice ) AKA Chris \ud83d\udc1dR Guest stand her up on Sat but ONLY with a watertight reason THEN DO NOT AGREE to ANYTHING ELSE CAN you stop at 1 "DATE" ? DOES a Gentleman have an ADDICTION ? an EGO ? a FANTASY ? or a PRESSING NEED ? Playing with fire ..............

Louise Smith

3 years ago #46

#15
#41 ok stay tuned

Louise Smith

3 years ago #45

#15
#41 ok stay tuned

Cyndi wilkins

3 years ago #44

#42
I don't know if I have the bandwidth to deal with counseling people through their relationships Wayne Yoshida...I'm more of a 'heal thyself' kinda gal;-) But I do have a soft spot for Paul \...Nice guys are difficult to find these days...If I wasn't already married, I think we'd make a cute couple;-) Don't cha think? Lol!

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #43

#43
I tend to agree. As they say, "Que sera, sera"

Jerry Fletcher

3 years ago #42

Paul, Saturday, have the date. Return her home, give her a hug and then run...do not walk...to the nearest exit and extricate yourself from this bizarre relationship. Any age difference over 10 years is a recipe for disaster. I speak from experience. And so it goes.

Wayne Yoshida

3 years ago #41

#12
Cyndi wilkins - I think you should add "Relationship Counselor" to your skill set and headline/title. New side business? cc: Paul \

Cyndi wilkins

3 years ago #40

#35
Me either Louise Smith...and I really did not have the time to translate via the links you posted...Maybe you can fill us in??

Mama Mia

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #38

#26
Yeah well.... the breeze block may the the preferable alternative to another The Talk

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #37

#5
Not bloody likely, Wayne Yoshida. BAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHA

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #36

#24
I like meatloaf? I guess

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #35

#28
LOL, I wonder.... there are a lot of wild mushrooms at the camp. I'm still not sure I wasn't eaten by the dragon

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #34

#24
"off like a newly wed's nightie?" - Deal #15 I wish I could reply, but I have no idwea what you said, Louise Smith

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #33

#29
Hmmmm, Chris, how did you learn that last initial? I thought I sanitized things well

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #32

#17
No, I am a gentleman. Chivalry is not dead. It may be on life support, but not yet dead

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #31

#22
Yes but here proms are attended at 16 or 17

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #30

#25
NO, Randall Burns, that's not romantic at all

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #29

#29
The thought has definitely crossed my mind, Chris. Not very polite, though. I believe this will implode on its own

Harvey Lloyd

3 years ago #28

Can't add much to the dialogue here but can say that this is why the 60’s were full of heavy drugs. You went to the dragon expecting to get eatin and walked away with a trip to Disneyland. Yep that is what happens when your on mushrooms. LMAO:)

Cyndi wilkins

3 years ago #27

#26
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAA!!! Lisa Vanderburg likes playin' "hard' to get;-)

Lisa Vanderburg

3 years ago #26

#24
.....I think 'breeze-blocks' would be a better fit here, Cyndi wilkins...it's an Arsein'oles thing :)

Randall Burns

3 years ago #25

You know we could go with; "off like a bucket of crayfish in the midday sun" But it just doesn't seem quite as romantic...

Cyndi wilkins

3 years ago #24

#13
#15 Ok...I'll compromise here for the context of the joke...How about "off like a newly wed's nightie?" However, as Louise Smith;-) to come right out and say it! LOL You tell Coco I appreciate being given credit for anything when it comes to you and your funny posts...I love the humor in them...We could all use more of that. She may be young, but she's not stupid...and I think she will clearly see the sense in what I have said here. Anything taken by force is the ultimate failure. So don't force the issue of dating. And expecting men to behave in this way or that will only continue to frustrate the crap out of you...their attention span is compromised...especially where beautiful women are concerned...so cut the 'ole guy some slack. (You notice I said 'ole and not OLD;-) Yes, it's capitalized for emphasis! Now go out and have some fun you two!!...And just a suggestion Coco...Paul likes meatloaf;-) I have a great recipe if you're interested...Toodles!

Nick Mlatchkov

3 years ago #23

#15
'new brides don't wear PAJAMAS!' It depends where's s/o is from ... Maybe not in Aussie land.

Louise Smith

3 years ago #22

#3
How's "off like a PROM DRESS" more age appropriate ? or don't they have PROMS in Canada ?

Pascal Derrien

3 years ago #21

Hilarious 😂 in a way and such an entertaining read with your unique and personal style a cracking article 👍

Louise Smith

3 years ago #20

#5
or The REAL DANGER STAGE

Louise Smith

3 years ago #19

#10
We don't really get that impression - in fact - quite the opposite ?

Louise Smith

3 years ago #18

#6
Insightful from Youth !

Louise Smith

3 years ago #17

#4
Wayne Yoshida I am in no doubt that he's not ! Not literally anyway ! Because when that happens - literally happens I mean - there will be A BIG SILENCE ! Paul \ is too well mannered to Kiss & Tell ?

Louise Smith

3 years ago #16

#13
You're kidding yourself if you think this post is a 5 minute read Paul \ It took me 4 goes to get through, I speed read & I know the background from the previous 7(-1) I'd like the next post to be a Podcast !

Louise Smith

3 years ago #15

Cyndi wilkins HA HA HA HA HA HA "I'm off like a new bride's pajamas!" ...Paul honey, new brides don't wear PAJAMAS!" Paul \ Inadvertently showing your age with this comment First up you CURVED At least you didn't FLOP BIG RIP you're in it SMH BB BC You gave TEA but were GD SAVAGE RE: SHIP time to GLOW UP (NB translation is not GROW UP) Coco'c just SALTY & she's VJELLY of W1, W2, C, D & H BC she's THIRSTY & can't get you NIFOC or SMASH best to SKURT but stayin could be GOAT HUNDO P I'm SCREAMING I'm CRYING I'm DYING https://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2011/12/02/slang-words-teens_n_1113329.html https://www.entitymag.com/modern-slang-words/ https://netsanity.net/teen-slang-parents-guide/ Did I mention I liked James Bond ?

Randall Burns

3 years ago #14

LMFAO!!! That's great Paul \ I sometimes say to everyone when I'm leaving the kitchen; "I'm off like a prom dress"

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #13

#12
Ahh, Cyndi, it's nice to see someone else who lives in the No-BS Zone. OK, I'll give you the lingerie/pajamas point, but the line is less funny as "I'm off like a new bride's lingerie" or maybe not.... Let's get everybody to vote on it. I know you didn't call me an Arse. Coco just credits you with it. Is there really such a thing as being too nice. I sure hope not. Anyway, this entire post is a 5 minute read, and only a couple of those minutes deal with the contents of an hour long Talk. There are nuances missing. Whatever.... we'll see what happens Saturday.

Cyndi wilkins

3 years ago #12

#9
#11 Oh Christ...You really are too nice Paul;-)...Whether one of these women owned the house or not misses the point love...Clearly they could see you were absolutely no threat to Coco...(they were probably secretly saying prayers for you;-)...Coco could have asked them to go out for a walk or something and give you two some privacy. But they stayed and even conversed about you in French, right in front of you, assuming you did not understand them...and I'm sorry my friend, but that is just RUDE, RUDE, RUDE. But benefit of the doubt is a noble gesture...fine Coco 2- Paul 1 Not to nit pick or anything...BUUUT....Pajamas and lingerie are not the same thing...Nobody anywhere, in the history of all brides to be, ever received pajamas at a bachelorette party. Just to clarify a little misconception here...I did not call you an arse...You called yourself an arse...I just agreed with you and capitalized it;-) Now Coco is perfectly lovely...But putting expectations on men...or anyone else for that matter, is a surefire way to end up with a room at the Heartbreak Hotel...Might as well be comfortable and rent the Presidential Suite;-) Listen, there's waaaaay too much emotional sludge for the both of you to sift through in your own lives before committing yourselves to 'dating' each other...If in fact, you really want to give it a try...So just have some fun together without putting labels on it...Maybe if you come at it from another angle like that you can dump the fear and just have a nice time with a friend... Alrighty then,,,Paul has given a point back to Miss Coco...Carry on;-) PS...Remember you two...You dragged me into this...So you're gonna get my honest opinion;-)

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #11

#3
Oh, and a minor correction on the brides vs. pajamas thing. Yes, they do, although lingerie may be a more appropriate appellation. Either way...

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #10

#2
It's less entertaining when you're stuck in the middle of it... LOL

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #9

#3
Just to be fair, One of those friends of Coco's actually owns the house. I don't know if she was trying to intimidate, but I don't intimidate worth a damn anyway. I get annoyed/angry instead So, Coco should get a point back On the other hand, she approves everything I write about her before I publish it.

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #8

#6
"His friends were too old for me and mine were too young for him." And that is the crux of the matter. I don't think I have mommy issues, but then again, if I did I probably wouldn't think so

Lisa Vanderburg

3 years ago #7

hahahahahaha........

Renée 🐝 Cormier

3 years ago #6

Oh, yeah, Paul \. When I was in my 30's and had daddy issues I dated a guy who was 18 years older than me and had mommy issues. He knew his way around the boudoir and I liked that. He was REALLY smart, and I liked that, but I was always clear with him that he was not going to be my forever guy. His friends were too old for me and mine were too young for him. I loved his company, but he was way too old for me and we both knew it. I got over my daddy issues, thanks to him but I don't think he ever got over his mommy issues, in spite of my best efforts. I kept him feeling insecure, unfortunately. My lack of maturity and his neediness made that our reality.

Wayne Yoshida

3 years ago #5

Standing by for the next installment: The Real Date stage. This is like sneaking a peek into your journal, Paul \. Something to consider: I always think about relationships like this: We will either be a couple or not. Only time will tell. . . Cheers to Coco and you, Paul. The score is even at 2-2.

Wayne Yoshida

3 years ago #4

#1
That's probably what we are all wondering! cc: Cyndi wilkins

Cyndi wilkins

3 years ago #3

Paul \....What happened was you are a nice guy who was bamboozled, hogtied, served, and a number of other clichés;-) HA! So fuck it...Dinner and a movie seems harmless...BUT...and that's a BIG BUTT!!! (Not that you have one of those Paul;-) You do NOT have to be dating to do that. Okay, first I'll start with you Coco...The friends being there...HUGE NO NO...It's not like you were meeting a blind date...You were trying to INTIMIDATE.And so were you friends... Paul 1-Coco 0 Second...You did make that comment about her biological time clock...AND put it in print...No takebacks...Paul 1-Coco-1 Third..."I come all the way up here to spend a measly hour or two with you, you Arsehole. You can at least appreciate it." Sorry Coco, but showing up with 'expectations' makes you presumptuous ....Paul 2-Coco 1 And finally..."I think you are more annoyed that I refused you than you are attracted." WTF Paul...I'm giving her that one...That was an inflammatory jab if I ever heard one...Maybe you needed to keep that one to yourself. All tied up...Get your mind out of the gutter;-) And now... "I'm off like a new bride's pajamas!" ...Paul honey, new brides don't wear PAJAMAS! Au revoir ...'Kiddos'...'Cause you are both kinda acting like them. (She says lovingly;-)

Neil Smith

3 years ago #2

Aren't relationships great? I'm really looking forward to the time when I am totally grown up and have all the means to make sense of stuff like this and know what the hell is going on. I have been waiting for some time for that moment. Entertaining buzz thanks.

Renée 🐝 Cormier

3 years ago #1

Hmm. You might be fucked, buddy, but not the way you want to be. P.S. How did Cyndi wilkins end up in this tangle?

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