More Golf humour

 1.   It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf. -- Robert Lynd 

2.   If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is. -- Horace G. Hutchinson 

3.  They say golf is like life, but don't believe them.   Golf is more complicated than that. -- Gardner Dickinson  

4.   If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they'd starve to death. -- Sam Snead  

5.   If you drink, don't drive.  Don't even putt. -- Dean Martin  

6.   If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up. -- Tommy Bolt  

7.   Man blames fate for all other accidents but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one. -- Bishop Sheen 

8.  I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced.-- Arnold Palmer  

9.   My handicap?  Woods and irons. -- Chris Codiroli 

10.  The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flagstick on top. -- Pete Dye  

11.   I'm hitting the woods just great, but having a terrible time getting out of them!-- Buddy Hackett  

12.   The only time my prayers are never answered is by playing golf. -- Billy Graham 

13.   If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. -- Jack Lemmon  

14.   It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. -- Mark Twain  

15.   Don't play too much golf.  Two rounds a day are plenty. -- Harry Vardon   

16.  May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters. -- Ben Hogan  

17.   If I hit it right, it's a slice.  If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle. -- Anon  

18.  Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. -- Lee Trevino  

Finally:

19.  The No: 1 Golf rule you MUST follow: Always take the car keys out of your golf bag before you throw it into the creek.