Royce Shook

2 months ago · 1 min. reading time · visibility ~100 ·

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Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous. (Winston Churchill loved them)

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a workstation.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.


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Fay Vietmeier

2 months ago #7

@Royce Shook 

What FUN .. thanks for the good laughter !!


Where there's a will, I want to be in it. 

.. Divine application for this one ..


#2 & 3

#14 &15 

LOL, I read this out loud to my students and they loved it!!!  Thanks again for sharing 

A fun read, Royce! “I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.” –Groucho Marx 

Zacharias 🐝 Voulgaris

2 months ago #4

John Rylance

2 months ago #3

You are only young once but you can be immature forever.

Paraprosdokians are figures of speech with good punch lines.

Zacharias 🐝 Voulgaris

2 months ago #2

This one was one my father used to tell me, to inspire me to start a career in Engineering: “6 munths ago I culdnt spel the word inganier and now I are one!” 🙂 He was an engineer too.

Ken Boddie

2 months ago #1

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, 
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, 
All the king's horses and all the king's men, 

Had scrambled egg for breakfast. 


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