Renée 🐝 Cormier

4 years ago · 4 min. reading time · +100 ·

Renée 🐝 blog
Sex Ruins Everything!

Sex Ruins Everything!


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Sex ruins everything. It’s a weird thought that popped into my head recently. I find it weird because I like sex, and I typically speak very openly about sex. No, guys, this is not an invitation to send me dirty messages. Somewhere along the line sex became that thing most women pretend to have no interest in and that others genuinely have no interest in. The latter group mystifies me. Actually, both groups mystify me. Sex is a biological need like food and sleep, yet it has been denied its place in the lives of so many, particularly women and by extension, men looking to copulate with women. Someone, most likely a man, decided meeting this biological need would be immoral outside of the confines of marriage and procreation. And who invented marriage? I think that was a male invention. So much irony here. Men create an institution for their own benefit and spend much of their lives trying not to get roped into the commitment. Ha! You guys are f***ed, but not the way you want to be.

Actually, according the book Sapiens, by Yuval Noah Harari, the ideas of marriage and monogamy are largely a bi-product of the introduction of agriculture into human societies. Once sapiens stopped hunting and gathering and started claiming land and farming, many of the values we lived by changed dramatically. Consequently, laws were made to keep women from inheriting and dividing property and laws were also made to force women to pick one man and stick with him, even if he’s a jerk.

Fun fact: Polygamy is still acceptable and legal in many cultures but in countries where it is illegal, adultery is not a crime.

It is because of the practice of agriculture that we humans developed the need to possess property and leave our wealth to our children. The rise of agricultural societies made it increasingly important for men to know who their children actually were because they were no longer being raised communally. That is how the institution of marriage and the value of monogamy for women came to be so important. Eventually, religion became the primary vehicle for enforcing monogamy, because let’s face it, nobody wants to piss off a deity.

Another fun fact: The practice of polyandry (women with multiple husbands) is practiced in countries where land is scarce. It is seen as a way of strengthening a family’s status in the community since it allows them to keep larger pieces of property in a single family. In this case, a woman marries two or three brothers, literally getting more bang for her buck.

So how is it that sex ruins everything? Maybe it is property that ruins everything. Wars are fought over land, divorces get ugly over possessions and wills get contested over who gets what. Some women would say men ruin everything and some men would say women ruin everything. Maybe humans in general are simply whacked. Is that possible? Maybe it’s all about control and none of it has anything to do with sex or property but rather the nature of humans to want to control their environment.

Hmm. Think about that for a minute. Everything we need to survive can become a leverage point for someone to gain control over us. People withhold sex from their spouses to exert control over them. People offer money, employment, and possessions to vulnerable people to exert control over them in some way. People threaten to take away land, remove freedom, threaten violence and restrict access to all sorts of things in order to exert control over others. Parents do it to their children, spouses do it to each other, bosses do it to employees, countries do it to each other, even neighbours and strangers will utter threats in order to gain control. Acting on threats is what happens when words don’t work.

The human need to control goes far beyond our interpersonal relations, however. We humans like to bio-engineer things so we can control our crops and livestock. We take birth control pills to control the population, we take vaccines to control illness, we enforce speed limits to control traffic accidents, we enforce all sorts of laws so that our society does not get out of control, and still we cannot control it all, can we?

So, does sex ruin everything? I guess not, but it sure can complicate things. Do humans ruin everything? Pretty much, except when they are trying to save the planet they are systematically destroying or when they are trying to legislate rights for under represented populations, or when they are feeding the poor and educating the illiterate or untangling turtles from fishing nets or trying to bring good into the world so we can all stay here a little longer and live in peace. Run-on sentence alert!

What does all this mean? Can we be better people in spite of ourselves? Will humans ever learn that their personal value has nothing to do with their possessions, who or what they control, where they live, or who loves them? Will we, as humans ever evolve to a point where control is unimportant to us? Will couples ever really just let the other person be who they are, instead of trying to mould them into something they are not? Will we ever learn to just appreciate all that we have and allow things to unfold naturally? That’s really where happiness and inner peace reside. It is in the allowing of things, not in the controlling of things. It’s in appreciating what is and the understanding that we are an extension of all that is. Until we all embrace this idea and understand how we are connected to all of life, humans will systematically ruin everything.

About me:

I am a former public relations professional, adult educator and published author. My life experiences have been rich and have led me to the work I am doing to bring success and fulfillment to people all over the world. 

I believe that nothing works well in life if we are not in harmony with our inner being. Self-destructive behaviours, self-sabotaging behaviours, anger, and control issues indicate that there is a disconnect between the outer self and the divine inner self. Once you heal that relationship, you will discover your career, your business, external relationships, your health, and overall wellness will improve dramatically. Please visit my website for information about what I do and to reach me for support with your goals.



Renée 🐝 Cormier

4 years ago #22

Thank you, Debesh. It seems to me that all problems that face humanity are the result of the way we think.

Debesh Choudhury

4 years ago #21

Although a tabu topic, but sex is overwhelmed in the human civilization, in almost every corner it is often the reason of satisfaction or problem simultaneously. It is interesting that the animal kingdom doesn't probably face any problem with sex. The wisdom and knowledge of the human race is mostly the problem creator for almost every natural commodities of life. Are animals more happy and disciplined with sex? This is a question and may give an answer why sex is a tabu and problem for the humans. Thanks Ren\u00e9e \ud83d\udc1d Cormier for writing the brave article.

Renée 🐝 Cormier

4 years ago #20

That is true on all accounts, Jerry Fletcher!

Jerry Fletcher

4 years ago #19

Renee, sounds to me like you're just looking for a little honesty about a taboo subject. As a lady friend says, the only others that taboo are Money and Marketing. And so it goes.

Renée 🐝 Cormier

4 years ago #18

#14 #11 In today's crazy world sex seems to drive a lot of bad behaviour, but the truth is, it really only looks that way at first glance. As you explore the subject a little more deeply, you will discover that sex is not the problem. People's need to control others is the problem. Sex becomes a vehicle through which to achieve control, either by force or by withholding. We all know that happens. I am no enemy of sex. Make no mistake about it. Sex is wonderful when you have a willing partner to please you and be pleased by you. Don't let the title mislead you into thinking I hate men and sex. Nothing could be farther from the truth.

Renée 🐝 Cormier

4 years ago #17


Graham🐝 Edwards

4 years ago #16

Ok... I’m in Chicago, worn out from reviewing endless spreadsheets and two martinis in (to get me through the countless rows of data)... I just have to bite... Ren\u00e9e \ud83d\udc1d Cormier you have shown that if you put “sex” in the title we all get excited... those old marketing guys are smiling as they told us sex sells. Sex... for procreation, communication, connection, power, dogmas, distraction, or pleasure... it is for us all to explore. I think to say “Sex ruins everything” is like saying, “Dogs meow like cats”... it is sort of non sensical. Sex, and sexuality, is a very large topic... it transverses the physical act to the spiritual understanding. Sure men and woman most certainly look at this from different perspectives, and once you get past the biological necessity for making babies, then it really is about the connection between two people... or more if you are into that sort of thing... let the consenting adults explore and don’t ruin it by talking about dogs “meowing” : )

Renée 🐝 Cormier

4 years ago #15

Thank you Franci\ud83d\udc1dEugenia Hoffman, beBee Brand Ambassador & thanks for sharing.

Franci 🐝Eugenia Hoffman

4 years ago #14

It's not sex that ruins everything, it's lack of control and the abuse of it. Interesting and well-written piece Ren\u00e9e \ud83d\udc1d Cormier.

Renée 🐝 Cormier

4 years ago #13

Thanks for the share, Claire L Cardwell!

Zacharias 🐝 Voulgaris

4 years ago #12

Interestingly I've never come across a single man who let sex create issues with his partner. I've met many a boy though (oftentimes under the guise of a man) who have managed to ruin things for everyone...

Renée 🐝 Cormier

4 years ago #11

, #11, #8, #9 Ultimately, everything we think, say or do in this world is a refection of how we feel about ourselves. The most important relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. Nurture that with love and acceptance and you will find everything around you responds in kind. Thank you, Praveen Raj Gullepalli for your kind comments.

Zacharias 🐝 Voulgaris

4 years ago #10

Sex is like pizza; even when it's bad it's still pretty good! Jokes aside, I think it's not sex that is to blame but how we relate to it. When we get attached to sex (or more accurately, to the chemicals released in our bodies when experiencing it), then it becomes restrictive and oftentimes even problematic. When we treat it like everything else we experience, it is just a nice add-on to our lives, which may also help us pass certain things (e.g. genes) to the next generation. Perhaps if we saw if for what it is rather than what it is marketed as through the various industries that have grown around it like weeds, then it wouldn't be so much of an issue.

Claire L Cardwell

4 years ago #9

Brilliant post Ren\u00e9e \ud83d\udc1d Cormier - I think it's control rather than sex that ruins everything... Very good read!

Paul Walters

4 years ago #8

Ren\u00e9e \ud83d\udc1d Cormier Again a thought-provoking piece, you do have a knack. Living in a country where many regions have a matriarchal societies monogamy ( for women) have been tossed out the window. Seems to wwork,lucky gals I guess. Thanks for some splendid writing

Renée 🐝 Cormier

4 years ago #7


Randall Burns

4 years ago #6

Great post Ren\u00e9e \ud83d\udc1d Cormier Sex does not ruin everything...people do, (and their incorrect perspectives/beliefs about sex)

Renée 🐝 Cormier

4 years ago #4

Yes, just in time for women to finally start speaking up en masse about men behaving inappropriately with them. Who do they need it for? Intellectually, men know that having a penis only makes them male, but many still feel their manhood depends on their ability to attract and satisfy multiple women. If men only understood that their greatness is not packed in either their jeans or their genes.

Harvey Lloyd

4 years ago #3

When it comes right down to it you nailed it. LMAO! The desires of the heart come with many strings as we look across the isles at our opposites. 50 years ago you would have been run out of town for the thought. Today though we still don't talk about it in any meaningful way. Its usually in derogatory concepts, control or heathen review. This is sad as it is a culminating event to much more. Unfortunately the preamble to the event has become less qualified in our busy world. Its down to bump and run, removing the meaning of the gift. This is what i meant by commodity. Your thought of its drive creating the oldest profession is certainly true. We even have Low T concerns now. You can be ninety and with Nugenix and Viagra you can drive fast and hard. But only if you have the easy lift chair. Just what 40+ year old men need is a testosterone boost.

Renée 🐝 Cormier

4 years ago #2

If sex really is the oldest profession, then it likely always has been a commodity. Which would you prefer? 4 feet of goat hide and a fistful of meat, or some nooky? I'll bet even the earliest of sapiens had trouble saying no to nooky.

Harvey Lloyd

4 years ago #1

Ok i bit the click bait here. Yes i am your typical male. It will be interesting the male to female ratio that comments likes shares the post. If i might add a couple of thoughts. Certainly on the general view and maybe from gender we see control is an issue. But it what control does for self that is the real culprit. Sex has become a part of the material world now. It is part of the rating system for who someone is with to how many they are with. So its become a commodity. Sad. As to the religious aspects of marriage the two together make a whole. Each bringing various diversity to meet life's challenges. This was established before a written language. Besides who wants more than one wife, that means men have two many to train:) Couldnt resist. (My wife says that i am the one in training.) I do agree though control is the word of the day. In all things being on top, no pun intended, is of a major concern. Looks like win win is out the door and only win lose will suffice.

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