Sex Ruins Everything!
Sex ruins everything. It’s a weird thought that popped into my head recently. I find it weird because I like sex, and I typically speak very openly about sex. No, guys, this is not an invitation to send me dirty messages. Somewhere along the line sex became that thing most women pretend to have no interest in and that others genuinely have no interest in. The latter group mystifies me. Actually, both groups mystify me. Sex is a biological need like food and sleep, yet it has been denied its place in the lives of so many, particularly women and by extension, men looking to copulate with women. Someone, most likely a man, decided meeting this biological need would be immoral outside of the confines of marriage and procreation. And who invented marriage? I think that was a male invention. So much irony here. Men create an institution for their own benefit and spend much of their lives trying not to get roped into the commitment. Ha! You guys are f***ed, but not the way you want to be.
Actually, according the book Sapiens, by Yuval Noah Harari, the ideas of marriage and monogamy are largely a bi-product of the introduction of agriculture into human societies. Once sapiens stopped hunting and gathering and started claiming land and farming, many of the values we lived by changed dramatically. Consequently, laws were made to keep women from inheriting and dividing property and laws were also made to force women to pick one man and stick with him, even if he’s a jerk.
Fun fact: Polygamy is still acceptable and legal in many cultures but in countries where it is illegal, adultery is not a crime.
It is because of the practice of agriculture that we humans developed the need to possess property and leave our wealth to our children. The rise of agricultural societies made it increasingly important for men to know who their children actually were because they were no longer being raised communally. That is how the institution of marriage and the value of monogamy for women came to be so important. Eventually, religion became the primary vehicle for enforcing monogamy, because let’s face it, nobody wants to piss off a deity.
Another fun fact: The practice of polyandry (women with multiple husbands) is practiced in countries where land is scarce. It is seen as a way of strengthening a family’s status in the community since it allows them to keep larger pieces of property in a single family. In this case, a woman marries two or three brothers, literally getting more bang for her buck.
So how is it that sex ruins everything? Maybe it is property that ruins everything. Wars are fought over land, divorces get ugly over possessions and wills get contested over who gets what. Some women would say men ruin everything and some men would say women ruin everything. Maybe humans in general are simply whacked. Is that possible? Maybe it’s all about control and none of it has anything to do with sex or property but rather the nature of humans to want to control their environment.
Hmm. Think about that for a minute. Everything we need to survive can become a leverage point for someone to gain control over us. People withhold sex from their spouses to exert control over them. People offer money, employment, and possessions to vulnerable people to exert control over them in some way. People threaten to take away land, remove freedom, threaten violence and restrict access to all sorts of things in order to exert control over others. Parents do it to their children, spouses do it to each other, bosses do it to employees, countries do it to each other, even neighbours and strangers will utter threats in order to gain control. Acting on threats is what happens when words don’t work.
The human need to control goes far beyond our interpersonal relations, however. We humans like to bio-engineer things so we can control our crops and livestock. We take birth control pills to control the population, we take vaccines to control illness, we enforce speed limits to control traffic accidents, we enforce all sorts of laws so that our society does not get out of control, and still we cannot control it all, can we?
So, does sex ruin everything? I guess not, but it sure can complicate things. Do humans ruin everything? Pretty much, except when they are trying to save the planet they are systematically destroying or when they are trying to legislate rights for under represented populations, or when they are feeding the poor and educating the illiterate or untangling turtles from fishing nets or trying to bring good into the world so we can all stay here a little longer and live in peace. Run-on sentence alert!
What does all this mean? Can we be better people in spite of ourselves? Will humans ever learn that their personal value has nothing to do with their possessions, who or what they control, where they live, or who loves them? Will we, as humans ever evolve to a point where control is unimportant to us? Will couples ever really just let the other person be who they are, instead of trying to mould them into something they are not? Will we ever learn to just appreciate all that we have and allow things to unfold naturally? That’s really where happiness and inner peace reside. It is in the allowing of things, not in the controlling of things. It’s in appreciating what is and the understanding that we are an extension of all that is. Until we all embrace this idea and understand how we are connected to all of life, humans will systematically ruin everything.
I am a former public relations professional, adult educator and published author. My life experiences have been rich and have led me to the work I am doing to bring success and fulfillment to people all over the world.
I believe that nothing works well in life if we are not in harmony with our inner being. Self-destructive behaviours, self-sabotaging behaviours, anger, and control issues indicate that there is a disconnect between the outer self and the divine inner self. Once you heal that relationship, you will discover your career, your business, external relationships, your health, and overall wellness will improve dramatically. Please visit my website www.reneecormier.com for information about what I do and to reach me for support with your goals.
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