Sitting Here In Limbo By The Lake

I have recently noticed that I have gotten a little uncomfortable in my own skin, so to speak. I’ve been thinking a lot about what could be causing it and have the feeling that could be an odd form of Post Traumatic Stress.

I have identified a couple of potential causes for whatever this is.

1. The Migration

Our move, from Toronto to St Catharines, which took place over a protracted period in the winter was really stressful, as it would be to anyone who has a fundamental repulsion to any sort of disorder or personal space chaos.

Because of the distance between closings from the house we bought to the house we sold, I spent pretty much a month alone in my Toronto house full of boxes. Packing boxes was my main occupation during that time. I got so fucking sick of seeing my stuff all bundled up and working in the dining room surrounded by boxes and tape and magic markers to label stuff that it almost fried my brain.

We had to bundle up all this stuff early because the buyer had the option to move the closing up and so we had to be good to go a whole month before we actually went.

Last week when we are all settled in and the first floor re-modelling was all but done was when the uneasiness started to manifest itself.

The house is beautiful. The work our contractor and his suppliers did was amazing. And the cost for it is much less than we actually expected. So there’s no reason for me to feel uneasy.

But there you go. Sometimes shit just happens for no reason.

2. In Town V The Burbs

For all of my adult life I have been an urban animal. I have lived all over Toronto, but I was always ‘in the city’, so to speak.

The downtown area of the city, only a few minutes away by car, is a good half hour away by bike, which is how I have always measured things. I am basically living in the St Catharines equivalent of Mississauga vis a vis Toronto.

Very few people prowling around. Very little traffic. No noise to speak of except for when the neighbour’s dogs are out for a poop. The silence is almost deafening sometimes.

So there you have it. Sitting in the coolest house I have ever owned. Living in a city where everything feels pretty sane. And having a fair bit of trouble adjusting to it.

It’s not a big deal thing. In fact, I’m pretty sure it will fade rather quickly as the weather warms up and I can get out, range farther on my bike and get to know the city better.

It will also improve once I have developed a few more relationships with people I can go have coffee with occasionally, and when the city greens up a bit more and I can really appreciate why we chose to move here in the first place.

A Slave To My Routine? Maybe.

I read an article recently about routines and habits and in it the writer pointed out that moving from one city to another and, in many cases, even moving from one side of a city to the other can create a seismic shift in your psyche.

This is mainly because of the routines we develop. When we relocate, our routine disappears and we have to develop a new one.

So where we end up, just like the Jimmy Cliff lyric above, is sitting in limbo.

But I derive a lot of hope with the next line of the song, which states,

‘But I know it won’t be long”.

I will adjust. I will develop new routines and I will be just fine. In fact writing this post has helped a lot because, now that I have explained it to myself, it’s clear to me that this is only a temporary situation.

The Lessons

One should never underestimate the influence that stress can have on your psyche. And one should understand that stresses can come from anywhere. I’m pretty sure I did a bit of that underestimating and now I get to spend a little time here in limbo trying to figure things out.

But, like Jimmy says…"I know my faith will lead me on".  Have a listen. It's a great song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjU8L6go1VA