Some bad puns for January

January is a time for looking back and looking ahead.

Saw a kid standing on one leg at an ATM.

Confused, I asked him what he was doing?

He told me he was just checking his balance.

Q. Which country's capital has the fastest-growing population?

A. Ireland. Every day it's Dublin.

I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world

I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. so I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle.

RIP boiling water. You will be mist.

I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. – I lost my case.

Why did the tomato blush? – Because it saw the salad dressing.

Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? – It was a grave mistake.

What do you call a cow with no legs?  Answer: ground beef.

I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. – What a waste of thyme.

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles’ elbow.

My friend could not afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, “Get well soon.”

I was very lonely so I bought some shares. – It’s nice to have a bit of company.