Some Groooaannnnerrrs for fun

Groooaannnnerrr..........

 One day at the watering hole, an elephant looked around and carefully surveyed the turtles in view. After a few seconds thought, he walked over to one turtle, raised his foot, and kicked the turtle as far as he could. A watching hyena asked the elephant why he did it. "Well, about 30 years ago I was walking through a stream and a turtle bit my foot. Finally, I found the S.O.B and repaid him for what he had done to me." "30 years!!! And you remembered...But how???"

"I have turtle recall."

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older ... then it dawned on me ... they were cramming for their finals.

Oldie, but still funny..........

From the Sydney Morning Herald Australia comes this story of a central west couple who drove their car to K-Mart only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car there in the lot. 

The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones.

Unable to stand the embarrassment she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts and tucked everything back into place.  On regaining her feet she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.

The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his head.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

My aunt's beloved cat Ginger had grown seriously overweight, so she decided to take him to the vet to find out if there was anything wrong with him - and more to the point, whether anything could be done about it. So she put him into the kit- ty-carry box and drove to the surgery. The doc prescribed a course of pills, and my aunt left, happy in the knowledge that Ginger would soon be his slim old self again. But after a few weeks of taking the pills, there was no change: Ginger was as fat as ever. Soon months had gone by, and still there was no difference. In fact, if anything, it was getting worse. The other problem was the invoices from the vet - these pills were costing a fortune. It soon became clear to us all that Ginger had become a doc-billed fatty-puss.  :o)