The Family Gathering

On Sunday about 60 people, half of whom I know, will be gathering in Niagara Falls to say a final goodbye to my brother in law Bob Twidle who passed away 2 weeks ago.
It’s not a funeral service or even all that much of a memorial. It’s just a send off and a lunch.
My sister Sharon, Bob’s wife, wrote a bit of a tribute, which she sent over to me to edit and smooth out. This will be read by Bob’s daughter Naomi, with whom my wife Heather and I have also become friends. My son Dan will read a couple of poems by Garrison Keillor and Robert Frost and I may or may not read an abridged version of the post I wrote about Bob here on beBee after his passing.
Bob was the elder of the Murray-Twidle tribe and has been for nearly 40 years. That role now falls to me. It’s all very informal and is really a position without power at all. All it means is that you are the oldest dude in the tribe.
I have written a lot about family and its importance as one of the key units in our human culture, and when someone from your family passes on, the significance of family invariably comes to the front of your consciousness.

No family is perfectly harmonious
Me and every other person with a family

It’s not in the nature of family tribes to be that way. The family is composed of individuals who, unlike way back in the day, often live their lives quite a distance from each other. Many of these disparate families only come together when someone dies.
There is a long and storied history in literature and movies about family dysfunction. It’s a pretty popular subject because it’s one that can lend itself to either comedy or drama, so it’s kind of versatile in that regard.
There is no built-in guarantee that family members will like each other, even though they love each other because they are family. In my family right now there are at least half a dozen areas of discord. And that is not unusual at all.
On Sunday, it will be difficult, mainly because of the discord. But it won’t be impossible because despite the differences, most families come together in an uneasy truce when there is an event like this.
And the weird thing is that these events, ones that stick estranged people in front of each other, can sometimes be the linchpin for mending fences. Not always …but sometimes.

A Celebration of Life, Not Death

I personally look forward to these gatherings because I basically get along with most of the people in my family. I guess that’s a good thing, But often times it can toss you into the position of being an involuntary referee for some of these internal tempests.
Be that as it may, the family is still one of the most important things in many of our lives.
My friend Shelley Brown writes sometimes rather caustic little pieces on family as part of her infamous Weird Girl series on beBee and Facebook. But if you read them closely you will see that underneath all the sarcasm and frustration, there is love and that pretty much, in my opinion, sums up the entire family dynamic. I particularly like this one: https://www.bebee.com/producer/@shelley-brown/memories-of-pop
I’m looking forward to this sendoff event for my brother Bob. It’s always nice to see people you don’t get to see that often, and I’m sure that, if he could witness this from the balcony, Bob would be delighted to see everyone one last time.

Pic: The Family Circa 1988 Photo by Bob (top left) on a timer. What a mob.

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