Royce Shook

6 years ago · 2 min. reading time · ~10 ·

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The humour of Zen

The humour of Zen

These are oldies but still very good

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

One Zen student said, "My teacher is the best. He can go days without eating."

The second said, "My teacher has so much self-control, he can go days without sleep."

The third said, "My teacher is so wise that he eats when he's hungry and sleeps when he's tired."

For his 70th birthday, one of his students gave the Zen master a big box with a ribbon around it. When the master opened the box, he found that there was nothing inside. "Aha," he exclaimed, "just what I wanted!

If at first, you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of student loan payments.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A Zen master was visiting London. He went up to a hot dog vendor and said, "Make me one with everything."

The vendor fixed up a hot dog with fried onions, gherkins, and mustard and handed it to the Zen master, who paid with a £20 note. The vendor put the note in his register and snapped it shut.

"Excuse me, but where's my change?" asked the Zen master.

"O my brother," said the vendor, "change comes from within."

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Comments

Fay Vietmeier

2 years ago #3

😇 @Royce Shook 

Great share Royce .. I love the Zen master .. 

For his 70th birthday, one of his students gave the Zen master a big box with a ribbon around it. When the master opened the box, he found that there was nothing inside. "Aha," he exclaimed, "just what I wanted!

 

Zen master was visiting London. He went up to a hot dog vendor and said, "Make me one with everything."

The vendor fixed up a hot dog with fried onions, gherkins, and mustard and handed it to the Zen master, who paid with a £20 note. The vendor put the note in his register and snapped it shut.

"Excuse me, but where's my change?" asked the Zen master.

"O my brother," said the vendor, "change comes from within."


 


 

Royce Shook

6 years ago #2

#1
Funny, thank you, John

John Rylance

6 years ago #1

An open mouth means a change of feet.

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