The Importance of Not Giving a Shit
When I was young, I lived my life according to everyone else’s expectations. Even when I thought I was blazing a trail and doing my own thing, I was still conforming to another group of people’s expectations. I was a giver and a people pleaser; a selfless slip of a girl trying to become a woman. I remember my children’s father telling me before we got married, “If we’re going to get married, your personality has got to go!” Boy was I stupid! I actually ditched all the parts of myself that he didn’t like and became what he wanted me to be. Needless to say, I ended up divorced for a whole lot of reasons, but perhaps the biggest source of my discontent was that I was not being true to myself. Eventually, we all need to be who we are.
Over time, as I matured and had more interactions with people, I discovered the error of my ways. Always giving and never receiving can make you very unhappy. Never being who you want to be will make you very unhappy. Ah, the real beauty of age is that over time, you gain maturity, and if you are reflective at all, you begin to realize who you really are and what you really want to be.
The greatest gift of age is that the older I get, the less willing I am to put up with bullshit.
Not putting up with bullshit, or not giving a shit is very liberating. It frees you from the tether of other people’s drama. You know, the manipulative tactics people use to get you to do what they want? I have learned to shut off my internal receiver and walk away from it. Because of that, I have eliminated several soul draining relationships from my life. I don’t do things unless I really want to and I really don’t care if I disappoint anyone in the process. The only way you can accomplish this, however, is to come to a point in your life where you don’t actually need anyone else’s approval. You have to love yourself more than anyone else and not give a shit about what other people think of you.
My relationship with myself is the most important one of all.
There is an old saying that goes, “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” Once you realize how much truth is in that statement, you will be able to secure a better relationship with yourself. Whether you are a mama or not, your emotional health will affect everyone around you, so you really need to look after it. You don’t need to feel guilty for wanting something good for yourself and you don’t need to sacrifice who you are to make others happy. Some people have trouble with that concept, just the same. Their need to be liked and needed is far greater than their need for emotional freedom, but that is mostly because on some level, they don’t feel they deserve it. The truth is, we all deserve it and until you learn to fully love who you are, you will be a victim of guilt, emotional blackmail and other mind games controlling people play.
I have a friend who really struggles with deep seated feelings of worthlessness which results in him being manipulated to no end by other family members. My advice to him was to tell himself a different story. I put together a PowerPoint presentation for him to go over every day to help him reset his thinking and redefine who he really is. Abusive people will always do their best to make you hate who you are. They love to define you with negative comments about your personality and your human value, but nobody can do that without your permission. Change the talk in your head and don’t give them the opportunity to define who you are. With regular practice, you will begin to feel a shift in your thinking and be able to not give a **** about what others think.
Does not giving a shit about what people think make you a bad person?Not at all. In fact, being able to give a shit about things that are important to you will cause you to joyously do more good. That is much healthier than doing favours for people while holding onto anger, resentment and bitterness. In fact, there are many studies that show that negative emotions such as anger can have a serious effect on your health. Furthermore, there are also studies that show the positive impact that happiness has on physical health and longevity.
I’m not an uncharitable person. I do plenty of nice things for people, but I have learned to do things on my own terms and not out of guilt or some sense of obligation. I do what I want, if I have time, and only if I will feel good doing it. The latter is really my barometer for determining the value of doing something. It is incredibly important to feel good as much as possible. If I am having an experience that feels bad, I end it as quickly as I can. Sometimes it means having to cut someone off on the phone, or leave a party early, but my happiness is the only thing that will bring good into my life. You cannot get to a good place by standing in a miserable place. Guaranteed! Shifting your thinking and your mood to a happy place is the only way to accomplish that. So here’s to not giving a shit and to understanding that your personal value has nothing to do with how selfless you are.
This above all; to thine own self be true.
I am a certified coach practitioner and the founder of Belly Busters™, a group coaching program that teaches people how to embrace a lifelong commitment to health and wellness. I am also a former public relations professional, adult educator and published author. My life experiences have been rich and have led me to the work I am doing to bring success and fulfillment to people all over the world.
I believe that nothing works well in life if we are not in harmony with our inner being. Self-destructive behaviours, self-sabotaging behaviours, anger, and control issues indicate that there is a disconnect between the outer self and the divine inner self. Once you heal that relationship, you will discover your career, your business, external relationships, your health, and overall wellness will improve dramatically. Please visit my website www.reneecormier.com for information about what I do and to reach me for support with your goals.
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