Renée 🐝 Cormier

4 years ago · 4 min. reading time · visibility ~100 ·

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The Importance of Not Giving a Shit

The Importance of Not Giving a Shit~

A Better You Stafts Here

Success coaching for busings and life! ™

www.reneecormier.com

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Brand Ambassador for p

beBee.com

When I was young, I lived my life according to everyone else’s expectations. Even when I thought I was blazing a trail and doing my own thing, I was still conforming to another group of people’s expectations. I was a giver and a people pleaser; a selfless slip of a girl trying to become a woman. I remember my children’s father telling me before we got married, “If we’re going to get married, your personality has got to go!” Boy was I stupid! I actually ditched all the parts of myself that he didn’t like and became what he wanted me to be. Needless to say, I ended up divorced for a whole lot of reasons, but perhaps the biggest source of my discontent was that I was not being true to myself. Eventually, we all need to be who we are.

Over time, as I matured and had more interactions with people, I discovered the error of my ways. Always giving and never receiving can make you very unhappy. Never being who you want to be will make you very unhappy. Ah, the real beauty of age is that over time, you gain maturity, and if you are reflective at all, you begin to realize who you really are and what you really want to be.

The greatest gift of age is that the older I get, the less willing I am to put up with bullshit. 

Not putting up with bullshit, or not giving a shit is very liberating. It frees you from the tether of other people’s drama. You know, the manipulative tactics people use to get you to do what they want? I have learned to shut off my internal receiver and walk away from it. Because of that, I have eliminated several soul draining relationships from my life. I don’t do things unless I really want to and I really don’t care if I disappoint anyone in the process. The only way you can accomplish this, however, is to come to a point in your life where you don’t actually need anyone else’s approval. You have to love yourself more than anyone else and not give a shit about what other people think of you.

My relationship with myself is the most important one of all. 

There is an old saying that goes, “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” Once you realize how much truth is in that statement, you will be able to secure a better relationship with yourself. Whether you are a mama or not, your emotional health will affect everyone around you, so you really need to look after it. You don’t need to feel guilty for wanting something good for yourself and you don’t need to sacrifice who you are to make others happy. Some people have trouble with that concept, just the same. Their need to be liked and needed is far greater than their need for emotional freedom, but that is mostly because on some level, they don’t feel they deserve it. The truth is, we all deserve it and until you learn to fully love who you are, you will be a victim of guilt, emotional blackmail and other mind games controlling people play.

I have a friend who really struggles with deep seated feelings of worthlessness which results in him being manipulated to no end by other family members. My advice to him was to tell himself a different story. I put together a PowerPoint presentation for him to go over every day to help him reset his thinking and redefine who he really is. Abusive people will always do their best to make you hate who you are. They love to define you with negative comments about your personality and your human value, but nobody can do that without your permission. Change the talk in your head and don’t give them the opportunity to define who you are. With regular practice, you will begin to feel a shift in your thinking and be able to not give a **** about what others think.

Does not giving a shit about what people think make you a bad person? 
Not at all. In fact, being able to give a shit about things that are important to you will cause you to joyously do more good. That is much healthier than doing favours for people while holding onto anger, resentment and bitterness. In fact, there are many studies that show that negative emotions such as anger can have a serious effect on your health. Furthermore, there are also studies that show the positive impact that happiness has on physical health and longevity.

I’m not an uncharitable person. I do plenty of nice things for people, but I have learned to do things on my own terms and not out of guilt or some sense of obligation. I do what I want, if I have time, and only if I will feel good doing it. The latter is really my barometer for determining the value of doing something. It is incredibly important to feel good as much as possible. If I am having an experience that feels bad, I end it as quickly as I can. Sometimes it means having to cut someone off on the phone, or leave a party early, but my happiness is the only thing that will bring good into my life. You cannot get to a good place by standing in a miserable place. Guaranteed! Shifting your thinking and your mood to a happy place is the only way to accomplish that. So here’s to not giving a shit and to understanding that your personal value has nothing to do with how selfless you are.

This above all; to thine own self be true. 
William Shakespeare

 

Book a free 30 Minute Coaching Session! 

About me:

I am a certified coach practitioner and the founder of Belly Busters™, a group coaching program that teaches people how to embrace a lifelong commitment to health and wellness. I am also a former public relations professional, adult educator and published author. My life experiences have been rich and have led me to the work I am doing to bring success and fulfillment to people all over the world. 

I believe that nothing works well in life if we are not in harmony with our inner being. Self-destructive behaviours, self-sabotaging behaviours, anger, and control issues indicate that there is a disconnect between the outer self and the divine inner self. Once you heal that relationship, you will discover your career, your business, external relationships, your health, and overall wellness will improve dramatically. Please visit my website www.reneecormier.com for information about what I do and to reach me for support with your goals.


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Comments
Renée 🐝 Cormier

Renée 🐝 Cormier

2 months ago #32

Debasish Majumder

Debasish Majumder

2 months ago #31

absolutely fascinating buzz @Renée  🐝 Cormier ! enjoyed read and shared. thank you for the buzz.

Renée 🐝 Cormier

Renée 🐝 Cormier

2 months ago #30

Franci 🐝Eugenia Hoffman, beBee Brand Ambassador

We can't please all the people all the time! Be true to yourself and keep on keepin' on.

Renée 🐝 Cormier

Renée 🐝 Cormier

2 months ago #28

Renée 🐝 Cormier

Renée 🐝 Cormier

2 months ago #27

Doru Constantin Teodorescu

Doru Constantin Teodorescu

2 months ago #26

“Not giving a shit” is also the first sign of certainty to have control of your own life - knowing what you're doing. People may call you rude at times, when it is actually just experience they lack

Ken Boddie

Ken Boddie

2 months ago #25

For sure, Renée, the need to please others disappears with age, and the maturity and confidence that comes with running your own race brings stability and happiness. Incidentally, in spite of being born in Scotland, I’ve given many things away to others, but I can’t ever remember ‘giving a shit’. 😂🤣😂

Renée 🐝 Cormier

Renée 🐝 Cormier

3 years ago #24

Thank you, Shelley Brown. Somehow, I missed your comment. Glad I found it.

Renée 🐝 Cormier

Renée 🐝 Cormier

4 years ago #23

#21
Yes, for sure it can be tough at times and sometimes, we need to do things we don't want to anyway because the fallout is just not worth it.

Renée 🐝 Cormier

Renée 🐝 Cormier

4 years ago #22

#23
Absolutely!

Renée 🐝 Cormier

Renée 🐝 Cormier

4 years ago #21

#22
Thank you, Franci and thanks for sharing!

Jerry Fletcher

Jerry Fletcher

4 years ago #20

And don't you love the clarity it gives you when dealing with clients and more importantly wannabees that are asking you to pervert your knowledge?

Franci 🐝Eugenia Hoffman, beBee Brand Ambassador

Wow, isn't this the truth. Thank you for the great buzz!

Renée 🐝 Cormier

Renée 🐝 Cormier

4 years ago #18

#17
Thanks, Harvey!

Renée 🐝 Cormier

Renée 🐝 Cormier

4 years ago #17

#16
Absolutely! That's the whole point. Do what works for you and don't allow yourself to be manipulated.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

4 years ago #16

Steven Covey refers to this as the social mirror, in the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Your or i adjust the mirror constantly as others add wrinkles. Never can we get the mirror to reflect what we want. I too lost giving a **** about the mirror. It was a spiritual day of hammers and glass flying. I no longer need walk away I actually enjoy watching those who would try and adjust the mirror when it doesnt exist.:) Great thoughts as usual.

Martin Wright

Martin Wright

4 years ago #15

There are times when not giving a shit can be really liberating - but we tend to be caring people. However I do resent being told what I should give a shit about - that's my decision.

Miguel 🐝 López Oliva

Miguel 🐝 López Oliva

4 years ago #14

Wow Ren\u00e9e \ud83d\udc1d Cormier love this sweet post. I felt the same you say in your article. Now I am trying to stop thinking about doing what the others want and start finding what is what I really want for me. That is the first step to be who you are and make better relationships.

Lisa Gallagher

Lisa Gallagher

4 years ago #13

Thanks for sharing your personal story Ren\u00e9e \ud83d\udc1d Cormier. This reconfirms what I'm learning about myself. I also grew up trying to please everyone around me. That's exhausting and it benefits no one. My daughter and I had a convo last week which could have turned sour but it went well. She only trusts me to babysit my 10 month old granddaughter. I love my granddaughter but I reminded her that I already raised children and she really needs to find outside sources for sitters because she can't count on me to be available at her beck and call. She was a bit put off at first but after talking she got it. I could have allowed her to guilt me but I didn't back down. Over the last 15 years I also let go of toxic friendships (you know, the emotional vampires). I have a few good friends now but they are quality friends. It's nice to have friends who accept you as you are without conditions. Life sure is a learning curve and it's vital to keep our mind open to change. Change can be great in many circumstances. I'm glad you found yourself earlier in life. Take no sh** and enjoy what's right in front of you! Great buzz.

Bill Stankiewicz, 🐝 Brand Ambassador

😎 coolest

Paul Walters

Paul Walters

4 years ago #11

Ren\u00e9e \ud83d\udc1d Cormier Boom!!! Renee , she be the BOSS !!!

🐝 Fatima G. Williams

🐝 Fatima G. Williams

4 years ago #10

#10
Jimbo cool name for the favourite Jim 😁🤗🤗🤗

Renée 🐝 Cormier

Renée 🐝 Cormier

4 years ago #9

#8
Thanks, Jimbo!

Renée 🐝 Cormier

Renée 🐝 Cormier

4 years ago #8

#7
Haha! You go girl!

Jim Murray

Jim Murray

4 years ago #7

My kind of post, Ren\u00e9e \ud83d\udc1d Cormier You're a girl after my own heart. Nicely done, and true to the nth degree.

🐝 Fatima G. Williams

🐝 Fatima G. Williams

4 years ago #6

Yeah I remember this dialogue in the movie big mama I guess " “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” Supercool buzz. I've stop taking people's bullshit as well. Too tiring my God! Fake friend's, negative people, selfish people they better stay away from me coz I ain't gonna be ok with the crap they put up.

Renée 🐝 Cormier

Renée 🐝 Cormier

4 years ago #5

Thank you for sharing, Milos Djukic. :)

Pascal Derrien

Pascal Derrien

4 years ago #4

Good on you :-)

Renée 🐝 Cormier

Renée 🐝 Cormier

4 years ago #3

For my friends Graham\ud83d\udc1d Edwards who perhaps sometimes care too much. xoxo

Renée 🐝 Cormier

Renée 🐝 Cormier

4 years ago #2

#2
Yes, but it wouldn't make for a very catchy title, would it? LOL

Kevin Pashuk

Kevin Pashuk

4 years ago #1

In mixed company, you could frame not giving a shit as 'having my priorities straight'. Great post Renée.

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