The Power of Reflection
“It’s all about communication.” Those were the words spoken to me by an acquaintance of mine at the gym today. We were talking about romantic relationships, and the realization that neither of us is really ready to tackle the dating scene after spending so many years with one person. Whether you are divorced or widowed, you need to take the time to heal and to rediscover yourself. You need to figure out what you like and don’t like, what you want and don’t want, and how to recognize people with unhealthy attitudes. While relationships are definitely about communication, they are also about reflection.
Understanding the filter you see others through means having to reflect on your own thoughts, values and actions. Understanding the depth of another person’s emotional baggage requires considerable life experience and a habit of reflection and analysis. That comes more easily to some than others, but it is critical to your long-term happiness. Not taking the time to reflect means you will increase the likelihood of getting yourself into a jackpot of a mess with someone.
I once had a friend who always seemed to get into relationships with pathological liars. I think they fed her ego on some level. Maybe she liked their vulnerability, or maybe she wanted to be in a relationship so badly that nothing else mattered. Because she bounced from one relationship to another without reflecting, she never learned anything. She couldn’t recognize warning signs. She also never took the time to understand what she really wanted and needed in a man, so she would simply have a relationship with anyone who was physically attractive and interested in her. Their baggage didn’t matter, so she got told all the standard bullshit typical of the mentally unstable. Even worse, she consistently refused to confront their preposterous lies. She would simply rewrite them in her mind so they made sense to her. She was regularly cheated on, verbally abused and used in all kinds of ways, over and over again.
Here’s a news flash. Low self-esteem inhibits your willingness to fully reflect on your life and the relationships you have with others. Interestingly, some people can seem so put together on the outside but still feel like a fraud on the inside. We all know people like that. They may have lots of friends, a good job and even a good education, but still feel unworthy, as though they only got lucky when they achieved what they did. For these people, reflection makes them feel vulnerable. They feel it will only serve to prove the ineptitude they are trying to hide. That is false logic, however, and the simple yet time consuming solution is to tell yourself a better story. You are the narrator of your truth. Nobody can convince you of your value more than you. Be appreciative of your finer attributes and give yourself credit for being a good person who deserves good things. Once you do that, you will begin to harness the power of reflection.
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I am a certified coach practitioner and the founder of Belly Busters, a group coaching program that teaches people how to embrace a lifelong commitment to health and wellness. I am also a former public relations professional, adult educator and published author. My life experiences have been rich and have led me to the work I am doing to bring success and fulfillment to people all over the world.
I believe that nothing works well in life if we are not in harmony with our inner being. Self-destructive behaviours, self-sabotaging behaviours, anger, and control issues indicate that there is a disconnect between the outer self and the divine inner self. Once you heal that relationship, you will discover your career, your business, external relationships, your health, and overall wellness will improve dramatically. Please visit my website www.reneecormier.com for information about what I do and to reach me for support with your goals.
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