The Truth About Love and Indifference

I was checking out my Instagram feed the other day when I came across a picture of a young lady gushing over her boyfriend. She was all aglow while he stood beside her looking aloof and emotionally unavailable. His indifference was a little unsettling to me. It made me think of all the women and men who pour their energy into one-sided relationships, the control issues people have that undermine intimacy, and how our self-perception affects the quality of the people we let into our lives.

I can’t say I’ve never made the mistake of giving my love to someone who didn’t deserve it. I’ve done it more times than I care to admit, but I’ve learned a thing or two in my nearly 55 years, so let me share some thoughts with you.

Nothing screams of insecurity like a face full of injections. Make no mistake about it. The puffed-up lips and cheekbones and the expressionless creepy look of a frozen forehead do nothing to enhance your beauty. I don’t care how old you are. The more you do it, the weirder you begin to look and everyone who knows you, knows it is fake. In fact, people who don't know you, know it's fake. The greatest beauty of all shines from within. I wish more women understood that. Sexy is an attitude. It is not made of silicon, saline or collagen. It cannot be bought or surgically enhanced. I’ve met plenty of ordinary looking people who were very sexy, just because they were intelligent, confident and likeable. Likewise, I have met some rather physically attractive people with shitty personalities and nothing impressive going on mentally. They may as well have had a face full of rotten teeth and snot on their lip. People who love you will love you for what's inside you. You will get more love when you love yourself more.

There will always be someone who has something you don’t. When it comes to trying to lure men, women are competitive as heck. Insecure women are the worst. The reality is, whether you are a man or a woman, there will always be someone who is sexier, smarter, funnier, richer, etc. Stop needing people to worship you. Love and accept who you are and you will never feel the need to compete with others for love. The best part is that your mate will find you irresistible. Insecurity is not sexy. Security is very sexy. Know that your value and your power have nothing to do with who finds you desirable.

Being spoiled isn’t the same as being loved. Ask any woman with a big diamond ring what the ring means after her husband cheats on her. Let me tell you first hand. After that, it means less than fuck-all. No kind of gift can fill up the void left by broken trust or abuse. Not ever. Be kind to yourself and free your mind from the belief that your worth (in anyone’s eyes) is equal to the value of what people give you. The truth is that they are not even remotely related. Your personal value is greater than you even know. In fact, there is no way to measure it, so don’t try. Expect to be treated with respect, but give it to yourself first, so you can show people how it’s done.

Some people don’t deserve your love. Part of getting older and wiser is learning where to pour your energy. Those who are ungrateful by nature will never see your value. They don’t even see their own, so they are in effect, an empty vessel. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you can give it to them. It doesn't work that way. Personal value and self love are all about your relationship with you. You cannot love people so much that they begin to love themselves. They have to find that on their own. Those who are worthy of your love recognize your value immediately and don’t look upon it as a commodity to be manipulated.

You cannot love someone into loving you. Falling in love is most rewarding when two people feel the same way about each other. It is most disappointing when there is no reciprocity. Some people may like to keep you in their pocket for awhile, giving you just enough attention to keep you hanging on. If you are in that position, then you are allowing yourself to be somebody’s option. You may even be considered a form of entertainment. They will never give you the love and respect you deserve because for one thing, they don’t feel that way about you. The second reason is because you are not giving yourself the love and respect you deserve. Love and respect yourself enough to say no to being used and manipulated. Know that you deserve to have better treatment and free yourself from that relationship.

Controlling people are fearful assholes and make poor lovers. Not much more I can say about this. It’s just a fact. Lose the asshole, even if you married it. If you are the controlling one, then ask yourself why you are so fearful and begin to tell yourself a better story. Repeat the story until it sticks and becomes your new truth.

The truth about love is that you cannot attract and hold onto a truly satisfying relationship without first filling yourself up with love and respect. Sometimes that means having to let go of relationships marred by indifference, one-sidedness, quiet animosity or abuse. Sometimes it means having to take a hard look at yourself, your innermost thoughts and feelings, assessing what you really want, and daring to give yourself what you deserve.

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 Renée Cormier is a certified coach and facilitator on a mission to show people how changing their thinking changes their lives. Contact Renée to learn how to quickly move forward and achieve growth in business and all other areas of life. Renée happily shares her business and personal development expertise through a variety of training and coaching programs that create unsurpassed value for her clientele.

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