Renée 🐝 Cormier

3 years ago · 3 min. reading time · visibility 0 ·

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What about the girls who can't say no?

What about the girls who can't say no?

Twenty years ago, my mother told me that men were going to have their comeuppance for all the rotten things they have been doing to women since God made little green apples. It turns out that my mother was not only a man hater but also a heck of a clairvoyant. Every day I hear a new story about some man committing sexual improprieties against someone else. It seems men are in trouble everywhere for thinking with their little head.

Not to minimize the significance of these events in people’s lives, but when have men not been driven by testosterone? You’d think all of this was new behaviour. No kidding, but males have been misbehaving around me since I was a child. Not because they couldn’t restrain themselves, but because they knew they didn’t have to. People only do what they think they can get away with. That’s a fact. Males and females from all over the world lie, cheat, steal, rape and even kill because in that exact moment they believe they can do it without being caught.

Of course, we all know the difference between right and wrong. We are taught at a very early age. At this point I am reminded of this song from the musical Oklahoma. It takes a cute look at a rather uncute subject. Feel free to sing along. I pasted the lyrics, too.



I  Cain't Say No

Annie:
It ain't so much a question of not knowin' what to do 
I knowed what's right an' wrong since I been ten.
I heared a lot of stories an' I reckon they are true
About how girls are put upon by men.
I know I mustn't fall into the pit
But when I'm with a feller, I fergit!

I'm just a girl who cain't say 'No'
I'm in a terrible fix!
I always say 'Come on, let's go' 
just when I oughta say 'Nix.'
When a person tries to kiss a girl
I know she oughta give his face a smack!
But as soon as someone kisses me
I somehow sorta wanna kiss him back!
I'm just a fool when lights are low
I cain't be prissy an' quaint
I ain't the type that can faint
How can I be what I ain't?
I cain't say 'No!'

Whatcha gonna do when a feller gets flirty
An' starts to talk purty
Whatcha gonna do?
Sposin' that he says 
That your lips are like cherries,
Or roses, or berries?
Whatcha gonna do?
Sposin' that he says
That yer sweeter 'n cream 
and he's gotta have cream or die?
Whatcha gonna do when he talks that way?
Spit in his eye?

I'm jist a girl who cain't say 'No',
Cain't seem to say it at all
I hate to disserpoint a beau
When he is payin' a call!
Fer a while I ack refined and cool,
A settin on the velveteen setee
Nen I think of thet ol' Golden Rule,
And do fer him what he would do fer me!
I cain't resist a Romeo
In a sombrero and chaps
Soon as I sit on their laps
Somethin' inside of me snaps
I cain't say 'No'!

[Additional Verse]
I'm jist a girl who cain't say 'No'
Kissin's my favorite food!
With or without the mistletoe 
I'm in a holiday mood!
Other girls are coy an' hard to catch
But other girls ain't havin' any fun!
Ev'ry time I lose a wrastlin' match
I have a funny feelin' that I won!
Though I can feel the undertow
I never make a complaint
Till it's too late for restraint
Then when I want to, I cain't
I cain't say 'No!'

So, I guess the point is that sometimes a fella takes liberties and if he’s attractive or charming in some way he gets away with it and if he’s not, he’s going to be taken down. I’m concerned that women may also have their comeuppance. Sometimes we women crotch watch, pat male bottoms, seduce unsuspecting males, touch their packages and hire them because they are cute.

As I write this, I realize I am probably going to make a number of women angry. I understand. I have been date raped, drugged, groped, beaten, flashed, manipulated, put down, spat upon, offered jobs that didn’t exist and so much more. I know what it’s like, believe me. All I can say is try to be better in every way and teach your children to respect themselves and others. Above all, remember ladies, if you live in a glasshouse, you should probably invest in nerf balls.


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Cyndi wilkins

Cyndi wilkins

3 years ago #44

#29
LOL Ken Boddie!! Pay no attention to that 'one eyed snake' behind that zipper...Buy yourself a cock ur two instead;-)

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

3 years ago #43

#52
LOVE Quora Nicole Chardenet...even though I try & spent little time there. Best question EVER: 'How do I tell my parents that I'm adopted?' Fantabulous!

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

3 years ago #42

#57
well...I'm shamed! I asked earlier about the reply button? I can see mine didn't do it either :) Sir; you are forever welcome and I am forever grateful for you Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee...you bring us all hope!

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

3 years ago #41

#45
#53 Can you not see Brian McKenzie that your comment 45 endorses rape? Tsk. That's gotta swing both ways. I have not 'unfriended' you, nor will I. I know enough by now to see how entrenched you are in your position, and I feel sorry for you. BTW: I've had one death-threat already, so you don't 'scare' me. I'm curious as to why you bother to show up at all on other's buzz' just to re-hammer your ideals? I would expect a child to do that; not a grown man. You have not offered any explanation or even argument for you're extreme position, even though you have been asked with courtesy and empathy. I think you want to be heard; you want to be understood because you are in pain. I have no desire to 'shame' you. You will be welcomed if you PM me. And take up gardening....it's cathartic.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#55
thank you my friend Lisa Vanderburg.

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

3 years ago #39

#50
#51 You got some serious stones..allow me to polish them for you, darlin' Nicole Chardenet! Yes to EVERYTHING you said, and with civility, grace and empathy! I have to admit I no longer even know if I'm radical, feminist, liberalist, any ist really? I'm a tad busy caring for my poor hubby's needs with 18 years of Parkinson's. Still, I DID marry him for his money; he bet me £40 then that I wouldn't :) What I did for that 40................. Apologies to Ren\u00e9e \ud83d\udc1d Cormier has to come out.

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

3 years ago #38

#46
And that is what men should aspire to be; sorry to hold you up like a Pinata, dear friend Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee, but I know you're man enough! No matter what, we all should be afforded the choice, with grace.

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

3 years ago #37

Dammit...I'm not getting notifications...apologies all (especially Ren\u00e9e \ud83d\udc1d Cormier - it's your buzz, sweetness!). #45 now, you're just being petulant Brian McKenzie

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#48
yes and I agree

Renée 🐝 Cormier

Renée 🐝 Cormier

3 years ago #35

#46
Of course no one should take liberties with another person's body. My issue is with hypocrites who expect respect but do not give it in return. There should be no double standard.

Renée 🐝 Cormier

Renée 🐝 Cormier

3 years ago #34

#21
Thank you, Debasish Majumder!

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#34
thank you Lisa Vanderburg. I believe in the freedom of choice. We are all have sexual desires. I experienced those desires in my life. I always made a point. If zI have the choice to ask the girl had the free choice of saying no. Never again ask the same girl. If we don't respect the choice of assking and of being turned down then we respect nothing.

Renée 🐝 Cormier

Renée 🐝 Cormier

3 years ago #32

#40
Interesting point, Nicole. I have often observed that money is "the great forgiver". There is a sad number of people who will turn a blind eye to anything a rich person does, as if doing so will increase their chances of catching a crumb from their table. I've seen it repeatedly and it makes me want to barf. When it comes to people. intelligence and good character always impresses me. Nothing else really matters beyond that, as far as I'm concerned.

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

3 years ago #31

Part 2: Brian McKenzie. I can understand how MGTOW can happen. You'd know better because you teach it. But I respectfully offer that your view is tainted by emotions of pain and anger that you cease to recognise; it has become your 'religion.' Like the Catholics of old (hopefully!) your mantra is attracting men with different agendas - you need only to read the comment-threads to see them; amongst your ranks are women-haters hiding in plain sight: predators. If you don't see that they will be your undoing, then maybe you should look with fresh eyes. Men cutting themselves off from women also means no siring of kids; presumably no mother, sisters etc. Regardless of sexual orientation (two of the best blogs were written by a gay man) going against the natural order of women needing men and vise-versa for say, God, may have some merit. But MGTOW's tenets are built on hate & hurt. It cannot work IMHO; sooner or later some big males with your banner are going to get mad enough to take it out on women and their children.

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

3 years ago #30

#39
Brian McKenzie, dear man. I respectfully acknowledge that you & others of MGTOW are hurting: yes, there are some women that behave deplorably, in anger, fear or just power, taking everything they can (including children) from their ex'. This is what has given rise to this movement - forget the history. Somewhere on the site Jesus Christ himself is mentioned as a member! In my church in FLA, I was always struck by how so many were divorced or remarried, and it was just accepted as OK. But with that memory I recall a particular sermon where the Pastor talked about how VERY often he does couple-counselling & if someone says 'I just don't love them anymore' he'll respond with, 'love is not a 'feeling'...it's a CHOICE.' So outside of abuse, we choose to love; I do anyway. It ain't perfect, often not pretty either, but it works. End Part 1

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

3 years ago #29

#36
This whole thing is definitely more US-orientated Ren\u00e9e \ud83d\udc1d Cormier. European men tend to know the 'line' better in public. That is most likely the answer to my question of #33: Trump. I'm an American living in the UK; about half my life Stateside, but my education was here. I voiced a theory back in the mid '90's that the Europeans are 'old: sage, deliberate and crusty' & the Americans were 'adolescent: fearless, careless & fun'. That's the short version. Overlooking the harshness of my statement, the US was thrown from their place of love, freedom and safety by 9/11. I think America has been chucked into adulthood so fast, they now realize that their [re]actions have consequences & that brings fear, mistrust, ambivalence all without the time to mourn what they lost: innocence. So this is probably what answers my question of #33; Americans are trying to find their feet, their voice - it's good! But the downside is extremism in their own ranks. God willing, it'll pass. This Trump shake-up will help empower people eventually, and that will give them their confidence back.

Renée 🐝 Cormier

Renée 🐝 Cormier

3 years ago #28

#35
I agree, Jerry Fletcher. Perhaps it is the Puritan mentality that has driven our North American souls to see sex as a taboo. Not that everyone should go around groping others, but a predator is a predator and everyone else is perhaps silly in a moment. There's a fine line we walk in this part of the world. I don't think Europeans view these things with the same eye. I had a friend who was from Macedonia who told me that European men had a way of making women feel like women.

Jerry Fletcher

Jerry Fletcher

3 years ago #27

Renee, The song is apt for men as well. I don't think I've ever met a man who can say "no." The problem is that we are all sexual beings and we keep trying to treat the subject as taboo. That doesn't work. It makes people try to be surreptitious which only adds to the confusion. What would the world be like if all of us men, women and those not sure could talk about and act honestly about sensuality.

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

3 years ago #26

Love to invite Javier \ud83d\udc1d beBee

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

3 years ago #25

#28
agreed Nicole Chardenet 'a distinction between truly predatory behaviour and simply inappropriate but not earth-shattering behaviour' is the essential middle ground through the ages! But I am curious why this topic is at the forefront now - before the Hollywood-couch thing Ren\u00e9e \ud83d\udc1d Cormier? Deb\ud83d\udc1d Lange, Brand Ambassador @beBee buzz: https://www.bebee.com/producer/@geoff-hudson-searle/is-the-world-really-out-of-control#c11 My comment there is above a very nice butt. We wimmin' are teasers at times, but, lookin Javier 🐝 beBee

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

3 years ago #24

Thanks for the heads-up Ren\u00e9e \ud83d\udc1d Cormier's #13: 'we need to distinguish between rare impropriates of the celebratory kind and endemic predatory behaviour.' As a girl to 40-year old, I went though the same as you, Renee and you're right; it's about power. I've playfully tapped a couple of male butts in my life, but only with those men I knew would see it as playful - I LOVE men! And I respect them. A life of segregation is reminiscent of [latent or otherwise] gay men in Catholic priest-collars; we know that road. I'd like to ask David Navarro L\u00f3pez in; he wrote the second 'backlash'. Really fine buzz, Renee!

Renée 🐝 Cormier

Renée 🐝 Cormier

3 years ago #23

#28
I mentioned this in one of the comments below, that women who pretend they are not sexual beings annoy me. Maybe it's our French blood, Nicole, or maybe it is because we both know that life is too short to be pretentious and stupid.

Renée 🐝 Cormier

Renée 🐝 Cormier

3 years ago #22

#29
I daresay, Ken, that I've seen my fair share of those in Canada too! Some are quite attractive. :)

Ken Boddie

Ken Boddie

3 years ago #21

This is currently a dynamite subject for we mere males to comment upon, Renée. But please allow me to extend your jocular setting by suggesting something that all parents should warn their daughters about. Here in Oz we have many nasty and dangerous snakes, but perhaps the most potentially dangerous snake, word-wide, when permitted to come too close, is the 'one-eyed trouser snake'!

Renée 🐝 Cormier

Renée 🐝 Cormier

3 years ago #20

#24
Totally agree, Franci\ud83d\udc1dEugenia Hoffman, beBee Brand Ambassador. Thanks for the share!

Franci 🐝Eugenia Hoffman, beBee Brand Ambassador

Respect oneself and respect others, no matter their gender. Be responsible for our actions and think forward to consequences that can arise from misdeeds. It seems that to be responsible for actions is distorted into what some think they can get away with. Great buzz, Ren\u00e9e \ud83d\udc1d Cormier.

Debasish Majumder

Debasish Majumder

3 years ago #18

nice insight Ren\u00e9e \ud83d\udc1d Cormier! enjoyed read and shared. thank you for the buzz.

Irene 🐝 Rodriesco

Irene 🐝 Rodriesco

3 years ago #17

#8
YES, ABSOLUTLY. 👏👏👏

Renée 🐝 Cormier

Renée 🐝 Cormier

3 years ago #16

#5
Charlene Norman, I really don't think the girls who can't say no are sex crazed nymphomaniacs. Women need to stop judging each other and quit denying that they are sexual beings. People who don't exercise good sexual judgement are either predators or temporary fools. On all other points, I agree with you, sister.

Renée 🐝 Cormier

Renée 🐝 Cormier

3 years ago #15

#4
Phil, predators exist because as a society we have allowed them to, and God knows, maybe they exist because they represent the contrast of behaviour that guides the rest of the world. You can't know what you don't want if you never experience it, right? Times are a changin' and I suspect that transition period will cause the pendulum to swing a little too far in the other direction. Humans are driven by sex. It is a natural impulse for both men and women. I'd like to see people distinguish between inappropriate behaviour and predatory behaviour before they slash someone's reputation and destroy a career, however lucrative.

Renée 🐝 Cormier

Renée 🐝 Cormier

3 years ago #14

#12
Geeze, Brian...

Renée 🐝 Cormier

Renée 🐝 Cormier

3 years ago #13

#10
I had been rolling it around in my mind for a while, because I know the problem is a real one, but it is not as one sided as one may think and I didn't want to diminish the importance of the issue. I also didn't want people to think that all sexual behaviour needs to be admonished. The non-predators need to know their audience and the hard core predators need to be dealt with. In both cases, valuing human dignity and treating others with respect, regardless of how irresistible or vulnerable they appear to be, is critical.

Renée 🐝 Cormier

Renée 🐝 Cormier

3 years ago #12

#13
Yes, I agree completely that there is a massive difference between predatory behaviour and being a little free with the hands. I'm not convinced those in Hollywood have fully figured that out, but what a powerful feeling it must be to be able to squash someone's career and reputation just by hurling an accusation in an environment that has now perhaps become overly sensitive. On another note, most women make me laugh. They spend a lot of energy denying their sexual nature and pretending to be prim and proper, but give them a couple of glasses of wine in a non-judgmental environment and the sex kittens come out to play every time! Thank God you've got some meat on you, Robert Cormack

Robert Cormack

Robert Cormack

3 years ago #11

Yes, Ren\u00e9e \ud83d\udc1d Cormier, we're probably all guilty of "bottom patting." I helped a friend with some serving at a "Bitch Party," and those girls would have "picked us clean as a chicken bone" if we hadn't been fast with the food trays. Perhaps we need to distinguish between rare impropriates of the celebratory kind and endemic predatory behaviour. This idea of casting a wide net and "taking down" everyone you can demonstrates a hatred that isn't man-based. From I can gather (from the comments made on my post "Eating From The Dog's Mouth), it appears to be self hatred.

Paul Walters

Paul Walters

3 years ago #10

Ren\u00e9e \ud83d\udc1d Cormier . "ladies, if you live in a glasshouse, you should probably invest in nerf balls." That was one of the standout sentences in this well thought out piece! The topic is right now a 'stand out topic" and we are seeing the demise of great actors, a la Kevin Spacey to name just one. Yup, many men are predators and use positions of influence or power to intimidate their 'prey' and its time for it to stop, however perhaps that's wishful thinking. Thank you for a thought-provoking and honest piece. Bravo!!

Renée 🐝 Cormier

Renée 🐝 Cormier

3 years ago #9

#5
Yes, we women get accused of flirting and somehow "asking for it". That is very unfair. There is no justification for being a pig. I guess the point of my blog is to tell men to acknowledge what they do and to tell those women who are no better to do the same because when it comes to sexual misconduct/ abuse, there is no room for double standards.

Renée 🐝 Cormier

Renée 🐝 Cormier

3 years ago #8

#7
My past doesn't haunt me anymore. I'll admit that it did for a long time. I chose not to act like a victim, even if I was one. Abuse is always about power. You don't have to give your own power to anyone but yourself. No one can define me but me, and no one's actions against me will define me. I am the only person who is going to define who I am, what my values are and how I decide to live my life.

Lyon Brave L

Lyon Brave

3 years ago #7

Sorry for your past being so hurtful...too many brighter days

Jim Taggart

Jim Taggart

3 years ago #6

Good post,, Renee. Your concluding message about respect is the key, but for some reason many males have not got the message.

Charlene Norman

Charlene Norman

3 years ago #5

Phew … you are covering a lot of ground in one post. So here goes. “what about the girls who can’t say no?” I think they are called sex-crazed or nymphomaniacs. We should leave them alone. They will figure things out eventually. I have been fortunate to meet, date and work with many men who are not ruled by their little head. They have my utmost respect and devotion. I have never been raped but have been fondled, groped, and flashed at work. I have a few girlfriends who have been raped and or beaten. Many men both socially and workwise have tried to put me down but alas all eventually gave up in futility. I agree that when women disrespect men along the ways you highlight, the phrase, what is good for the goose is good for the gander should ring true. (And I have been to court a few times with nuisance suits arguing such things.) I am more annoyed at the women who today judge the women making claims as somehow wrong. All us women learn very early on in our lives about these damn aha moments playing in the current press. I see the whole disclosure thing as nothing more than a good cleansing. I can’t tell and don’t want to tell who is lying and who is telling the truth. I just know that with the ‘stuff’ that has spewed forward over the last couple years in both Canada and the US, much of what the women are saying IS true. And after this colossal cleanse is finally finished, I hope we can all reclaim our humanity and decency. And this topic is a hotbed discussion right now. Which is probably a good thing. Part of that cleansing routine. LOL

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

3 years ago #4

Renee, here's how I draw the line. Physical coercion obviously wrong, both morally and legally. Hitting on someone over whom you even implicitly exert authority by dint of your relative positions at work or school or other organization is also way over the line of acceptability. Even simply accepting the advances of someone in an "inferior" position is highly questionable from an ethical standpoint. Consensual relations can only be so if mutually desired and between "equals". All else is, to my mind, suspect. That said, I am moved to reiterate my rejection as real of certain forms purported coercion. For example, the threat from a predator that he or she will do harm to your career when that career involves solely the pursuit of fame and wealth. Because in the absence of physical coercion, the threat of being denied that $10 million dollar contract seems to me not ever to be a legitimate instance of being forced. "Oh, I had to say yes, or face losing out on a multi-million dollar gig." If what's at stake is being able to support one's family or not, that is coercion. But if it's the difference between having an "ordinary" job making a hundred grand or so a year and being made a star earning tens of millions per year, well, that becomes a choice -- call it the Hollywood Cesspool Choice. Young women (of whom I am the father of two) are constantly assaulted by social threats (give out, or be known as an ice queen), but the fact is that we are all assaulted by society at that level over all manner of issues And we all need to learn to stand our ground and say "hell no." Then as necessary, accept the consequences. For just about everything in life has consequences, most of which are not life-threatening. Of course, if you're really just a "girl" who can't say no, that's your business and the rest of us should butt out. Cheers!

Irene 🐝 Rodriesco

Irene 🐝 Rodriesco

3 years ago #3

the word violence implies many situations, it is also violence to force a woman, in a subtle way, when she has already said no. It is not no, asleep, drunk, drugged or even with the panties down. I'm very sorry for your violation. We have suffered violence of gender since we are girls, I also know what it is to be brushed obscenely when I was on the subway. Also beaten, and forced, though not violently, but psychologically by the father of my children. Thanks for the song and for your story. You are right, if we consider wrong treatment to women, women should not treat men in the wrong way. (I hope the translator behaves well)

Renée 🐝 Cormier

Renée 🐝 Cormier

3 years ago #2

Thanks for the share, Javier \ud83d\udc1d beBee!

Renée 🐝 Cormier

Renée 🐝 Cormier

3 years ago #1

Robert Cormack What do you all think?