Anne 🐝 Thornley-Brown, MBA

6 years ago · 1 min. reading time · ~10 ·

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What strategies do you use to deal with bullies and other tyrants online and at work?

What strategies do you use to deal with bullies and other tyrants online and at work?

69826348.jpgUnfortunately, a passive approach is not effective. 

One of the reasons bullying and tyrannical behaviour thrive on-line and at work is that harmony at all costs is expected. 

Often there are cultural factors at play. Some cultures (both corporate and national) encourage passivity. 

I was raised in Canada where non-confrontational approaches are expected. This has become my default position as well.   Bullies take it as a sign of weakness if they feel they won't be called out for their negative behaviour.  They make a point of targeting others who they perceive as vulnerable

The only way to put a stop to bullying on-line and at work is for team leaders and team members to set very clear boundaries about the type of behaviour they will and will not tolerate.

Team leaders and community managers who fail to set boundaries will find themselves losing some of their best team members.

  • What strategies do you use to set boundaries when dealing with bullies and other tyrants, online or at work?
  • As a team leader, online community manager, or team building facilitator how do you "reign in" this type of behaviour?
  • How do you respond to those who have a problem with you setting boundaries?


I weigh in on my blog posts:



This is the message that individuals who engage in this destructive behaviour need to receive.


                                                              Evil Doers by U-Roy (Jamaican Reggae)



Weigh in here on beBee and also on LinkedIn: 

https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:6327932361069649920







Comments
#16
Claire L Cardwell It's tough. There is one who was inappropriate on LinkedIn and I blocked her. Then she tried to bring it over here. I just ignored her. I would rather ignore and block but, if pushed and I need to finally set a firm boundary, I will. It happens in private life too. I have an example to share but I will see if the photos I took came out.

Phil Friedman

6 years ago #14

#16
Well, Claire, truth be known, I've had to work hard at it. Mostly because, when someone is rude, my first reaction is to fire back an acerbic answer. Eventually, however, I learned that often only engenders sympathy for the "poor" troll since, God forbid, a boorish comment should receive less than a polite reply. I also learned that those who are the first to seek to wound are also the first to cry and whine about receiving back what they've given. So these days, I try to ignore caustic comments (which are not to be confused with legitimate questions and disagreeing remarks). And if I can't, I try to wait a day or two before answering, rather than firing off a response immediately. Cheers!
I guess some of this behaviour is equivalent to a toddler throwing a tantrum.

Jerry Fletcher

6 years ago #12

Anne, My daughter who looks like a valley girl is actually a high ranking staffer in the Pentagon. Because of her position one of her staff advised a 3 star general that his pet project was not funded and should be terminated. His response via e-mail was was predicated on his rank and he directed her to immediately make an appointment and come to his office to get the facts in person. Her response via e-mail was: General, Thank you for your service. I look forward to meeting you. I am not a military officer but my rank is equivalent to yours and because of my position I suggest that if you want to discuss this matter you contact my assistant for an appointment to meet in my offices. Unless you can convince me that this program is essential and you can suggest ways to fund it, you will be directed to carry out my staff's recommendation. She signed it with her full rank/position. Sometimes dealing with a bully is a matter of turning the tables...always with charm and grace.
#11
I agree. Martina. It can include pushing one's point of view when others have calmly set boundaries and said let's just agree to disagree. It happens in meetings and it happens in group discussions on-line. I had to eventually set a boundary for a woman in an online LinkedIn Group and let her know "You are not the Lord God Almighty. Everything you say is not gospel. People are free to accept or reject all or part of what you suggest." I am not sure where this need to ram one's point of view down people's throats comes from.

Phil Friedman

6 years ago #10

#9
Well, Harvey, that is kind of you to say. It's gratifying that, of late, several people, including Ian Weinberg's thread for long enough (my apologies, Anne), I will leave this exchange with just a single thought: Once when I was an undergraduate, I was applying to an independent foundation for a graduate fellowship. My sponsor for the award was my English professor and she was being a real bear about perfecting my application essay. After her call for a twelfth rewrite, I was absolutely beside myself and went to my advisor who was one of my philosophy profs to complain. He said, "Hey, get over yourself. Did you know that so-and-so has the highest success rate in these applications of anyone at the college? Have you considered that if she didn't think highly of you and your work, she would waste he time to get you to perfect the essay? So why not just stop whining and get the job done... and be thankful that she's willing to invest so much of her time in you." That single conversation changed my attitude toward intellectual engagement forever. Cheers!

Harvey Lloyd

6 years ago #9

#8
Even as you point out in some of your marketing you come with an edge. An edge of factual, tangible and meaningful input. This does seem to draw from many a view of bullying. I disagree in most cases. I did not do social media and late adopter does not even describe my tardiness. But it is for this reason that i did not enjoy the platforms. I did not want nor was i ready to defend my writings inside a public very subjective paradigm. Amazingly you were my nemesis when i first engaged. Your hard edge and well thought out comments caused me pause and i might add a little anger at first. This was odd as you and i share a construction background and field work tends to harden one to facts, production and customer care. Nonetheless engaging with you broadened some of my perspectives and toughened my skin as it applies to social media. If you are going out in public with posts or comments, then one should prepare for extreme "reasonable" feedback.

Phil Friedman

6 years ago #8

You make a good point, Harvey, about the danger of applying label. I was recently accused by a “prominent” beBee writer and one of his acolytes of being a bully because I persisted in a discussion when I found his “answer” to my comment inadequate. It appeared he believed that the proper etiquette was to ask a (not to tough) question, then be satisfied with any answer whatsoever and retire from any genuine conversation. He even went so far as to accuse me of making him look “foolish@ (his words) by persisting in showing he was not dealing with the issue raised. No doubt, to some, that appears to be bullying — but it is not, as long as the exchange remains civil. Instead, It is engaging in meaningful conversation in the pursuit of resolution. And to label it bullying is itself a form of bullying in an attempt to shut down the conversation. Cheers! #7

Harvey Lloyd

6 years ago #7

#6
I agree we need to define what a bully is, before we begin to label someone. I have read many comments initially as intrusive or aggressive. But with just a little thought the point made could be woven into the stream. Unfortunately the more sophisticated we become the less wisdom that is applied to our "feelings". Nothing wrong with feelings, but i have to understand we all have them and our narrative dictates their application. Does my narrative vs others create a bully concept in one? I would hope we are more opened minded and want to understand the differences and not judge them. Not to discount that bullies do exist.

Phil Friedman

6 years ago #6

#3
Lada \ud83c\udfe1 Prkic, I used to occasionally fire back a verbal barn to a “troll” or other bully online. But very often when I did, that person who was rude and sometimes even vicious, would whine and cry about being abused. And, believe it or not, I was criticized by others for being mean. I have concluded it is a version of Stockholm Syndrome, in which the larger audience on social media desires only to avoid conflict and resents anyone who contributes to their fearful discomfort — even when that contribution is only a reply to being attacked in the first place. So I have for a long time now, chosen simply to ignore such trolls and bullies. Of corse, they will then whine about being ignored and “excluded” from the discussion and will be again supported by those who are more afraid of the bullies than of the reasonable people who resist them. Sad, if you ask me. Cheers!

Harvey Lloyd

6 years ago #5

Bullies are a rare breed of individual that exist and do need to be dealt with, harshly. But their dealings should be individual and swift. Policies and boundaries scare me as they also trap passion. I do not refer to the most egregious acts and policies. Lada \ud83c\udfe1 Prkic discusses the discourse and misunderstandings between cultures, religions and ethnic backgrounds. What i first see as bullying i treat as a misunderstanding. Through engagement i would dare say that the 80/20 rule applies here. 80% of the time it's just a misunderstanding. I would like to point out that it is difficult these days when we watch media and see various "bullying" of religions, political opponents or various groups. It would appear that bullying is acceptable within certain "class" arguments, as long as we are on the same side. Interestingly we all seem to join together when cyber bullying happens and a person dies, then we go back to sophisticated bullying within our media campaigns. I find it difficult to sort the various levels of bullying that are acceptable within media. Political correctness, humans sorted by something other than their existence, special interest, political parties and spiritual/cultural are all camps that bullying has become the communication style. Because i used the best available information and my own evaluation and voted a certain way i am either alt left or alt right.

Ali Anani

6 years ago #4

Anne \ud83d\udc1d Thornley-Brown, MBA- I believe it is now part of the game to deal with bullies on social media. People can change names and make irresponsible comments. I experienced this. One guy wrote a comment under a name and a year later he made same comment under a different name. This is how the ball bounces on social media. These people recognize no boundaries because they disguise themselves.

Lada 🏡 Prkic

6 years ago #3

Fortunately, so far I've never had to deal with bullies and other tyrants, online or at work. Hope it stays that way. :-) I had some unpleasant experiences with the comment threads on some of my posts on LinkedIn because one or two people understood my words in a different way from what I intended to say. In such cases, my tactic is to thank those people for their opinions and not be involved in the further discussion. Some people are not capable to rationally discuss any issues. It's hard to say how to deal with bullies and despots at work. I'm sure I wouldn't choose a passive approach. An important topic to discuss, Anne. Thanks Phil for pointing out the post by John White.

Lada 🏡 Prkic

6 years ago #2

Fortunately, so far I've never had to deal with bullies and other tyrants, online or at work. Hope it stays that way. :-) I had some unpleasant experiences with the comment threads on some of my posts on LinkedIn because one or two people understood my words in a different way from what I intended to say. In such cases, my tactic is to thank those people for their opinions and not to be involved in the further discussion because they are not capable to rationally discuss any issues. It's hard to say how to deal with bullies and despots at work. I'm sure I wouldn't choose a passive approach. An important topic to discuss, Anne. Thanks Phil for pointing out the post by John White.

Phil Friedman

6 years ago #1

You make several excellent points, Anne \ud83d\udc1d Thornley-Brown, MBA https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-keep-cyberbullies-out-your-life-john-white-mba-/ Thanks to you both. And cheers!

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