Royce Shook

2 years ago · 1 min. reading time · ~10 ·

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When one door closes

When one door closes

1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.

2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.

3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.

4. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.

5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

6. When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.

7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.

8. I had my patience tested. I'm negative.

9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.

10. If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"

11. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.

12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.

13. I run like the winded.

14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.

15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"

16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?

17. I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.

18. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."

19. Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.

20. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.

21. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb

Comments

Ken Boddie

2 years ago #4

Here’s a tip for you, Royce. If you wish bees to see your reply to their comments, such as the two below, we will onky be notified if you do one of three things as follows: 

  • Use @ before the commenter’s name, eg @John Rylance ;
  • use the ‘reply‘ promp at the end of the comment; or
  • type in the number or numbers of the comments in your reply, eg #1 and #2.

Otherwise the commenter(s) will not see your reply unless they happen to re-open your post, which is mostly unlikely, since most bees move on once a post has been read. 🤗

Royce Shook

2 years ago #3

John and Ken, thank you your additions brighten my day!

John Rylance

2 years ago #2

Ken Boddie

2 years ago #1

Here’s a couple of variations on the above for you, Royce:

1. When one door closes, another slams shut in your face. 

 2. I don’t drink much these days. At my age I spill most of it. 

4. I’m off … like a bucket of prawns in the sun. 

19. Don’t criticise anyone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. That way you’re a mile away from them and you’ve got their shoes. 

18. Never ask a starfish for directions. 

13. I might take up running again. These days it’s the only way I’m likely to hear heavy breathing again. 

😂🤣😂

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