You know you're Canadian when...

   Another Installment of "Tales from Paradise", Pt.-3

   "Paradise is a state of mind..."

   I've enjoyed competing in Culinary competitions for years so I was excited and preparing for the up and coming Cayman Islands Salon Culinaire in 2006. Along with the usual "Cold Salon" they were also going to hold a live, timed Ice carving category that year. The event this year was held at the Westin Casuarina Beach Resort and the Ice Competition was going to be held in their grass courtyard area next to the beach right outside of banquet hall where the Cold Salon was located, overall a great venue.

I like sculpting; chocolate, lard, wood and ice and although it had been a few years since I had done any ice carvings I was looking forward to this event. The anticipated day arrived and after setting up my food entries inside I went outside to prepare for the Ice event which was scheduled to commence at 2.

   It was a vast, luxurious setting, large open tents to block the sun, set on the sprawling lawn between the palm trees that grew throughout the grounds, it was a clear, hot day. I could hear Bob Marley playing in the background somewhere;

   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHekNnySAfM  (mood music :-) )

   Perfect musical accompaniment for the moment. There were hundreds of people milling around the grounds, both "locals" and tourists, not only for the Salon Culinaire but also the large trade show that the Restaurant Association and the local suppliers hosted annually, and were the major sponsors for the competition, there was a variety of food available and bars strategically placed throughout; it was a big event. 

   I arrived at the tent for the ice competition, surveyed the layout and took a discreet spot under a far corner of the tent, I left the center to those more extroverted than myself. I organized my tools and my work station and then waited. 30 minutes until ShowTime, the ice was scheduled to arrive in 15 minutes so I had a chance to size up the other competitors.

   Wow! There was about 20 carvers on hand finishing their setup or ready to go, much more than I expected, I noted their tools and "mise en place". Other than a couple of locals participating we were all expats, mostly from Asia; Japan, China, Philippines, Malaysia, India, Sri Lanka; ALL places that excelled at carvings/sculpture, I think that I was the only Canadian. Everyone was looking sharp, freshly pressed Chef's jackets, shined shoes, a few neckties, etc. I noticed their tools, there were a few traditionalists with all hand tools, hand saws included, beautiful chisels, picks and saws; these can be very expensive with single pieces running $800 and sets up to $4000, and more; these guys were serious. Most everyone else, along with their chisels, had electric "hobby" chain saws and the hotel staff were already scrambling to try and get enough extension cords out to the area for everyone to use, by the time we started the center of the tent looked like a gang of multicolored octopi wrestling for domination of the area. I could see that the caliber today was going to be much higher than I had anticipated.

   The ice arrived and was delivered to everyone at their station, 5 minutes to go. There was a brief introduction and outline of the event, we had 60 minutes to complete a sculpture then move it inside to the Salon to the viewing/judging area.

30 seconds to go, the ice was sweating more than we were in the afternoon heat, the crowd that had gathered now surrounded the huge tent, there was hushed silence as the judge counted down; 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…Go!

   I patiently watched for a few moments, reading my opponents and the crowd that was observing, it was one of those rare and unique people watching opportunities that doesn’t happen very often, especially from the "inner circle", I had a great view. The other competitors were busy, hand saws moving back and forth cutting away excess ice, the soft purr of the electric chainsaws gently shaping and forming, the enthralled crowd mesmerized at the activity unfolding in front of them...

   It was all very "prim and proper", very civilized, I could almost hear Mozart's Piano Concerto #21 playing in my head;

   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=df-eLzao63I  (mood music :-) )

   The disciplined carvers were diligently working their craft, all of the onlookers, dressed in their "Sunday best", quietly looking on, fearful of any noise to distract the artists from their work, the Judges stoically observing, the mood almost like the finals at Wimbledon... 

   It was quiet...      Too quiet....

   Time for me to start, I set my beer down,

   (intro; opening guitar riff from Black Sabbath's, "Iron Man")

   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8aQRq9hhekA  (mood music :-) )

    Along with what few Ice tools that I had, I reached into the large case I had brought and lifted out a Husqvarna 455 chainsaw, (2-stroke gas, 56 cc displacement, 3.7 hp), I had borrowed from an Arborist friend of mine just for this occasion, it was highly modified with an extended 24" bar, custom expansion chamber exhaust paired with a re-jetted and tuned carburetor to balance the airflow, I turned the switch on, primed it a couple of times and it started on the first pull, at 3,000 rpm it caught half of the people's attention, created a smoke cloud to rival any jerk pit on a Saturday night in the bush of West Bay, I addressed my block of ice, tightened my grip with both hands, revved the "Husqy" to a moderate 6,500 rpm, (Damn!, I forgot my earplugs), I think everyone across the expansive grounds woke up, I saw the look on just a couple of my fellow competitors faces and if they were giving medals for intimidation I would have definitely won the gold. I'm committed now, with Black Sabbath playing full blast in my head into the fray I go as I make contact with my ice. I now have a blizzard of snow co-mingled with the exhaust smoke, reminiscent of my younger days of skiing down Grouse Mountain in North Van, the flying snowflakes are refreshing as they hit my sweating skin. A few of the crowd around me pulled away to avoid the raging blizzard that erupted from that side of the tent but most pushed in closer for a quick chill relief, I thought I saw one guy holding out a cup and filling it up for a sno-cone, bottle of rum waiting in his other hand. I cut deep into the ice, pushing the saw to it's potential of 9,000 rpm, I think I have everyone's attention at this point, so much for my clever plan of being subtle and "low profile" in the far corner...

   I had 15 minutes left so I took 5 minutes to fine tune a few details, and with the help of a couple of friends nearby we loaded it onto a 4 wheel dolly to transport it into the judging/viewing area.

   We transported it along the grass up to and onto the paver block patio area just outside of the function hall, 40 more feet to the entrance doorway and I figured I was home free. And then everything went into super slow motion...

  I was pulling the dolly with the attached ropes, I saw the doorway in front of me and felt the wheels catch on an uneven paver stone, I turned around just in time to see my top heavy sculpture teeter over and drift onto the hard paver surface. I had a clear view of the impact and I watched, helplessly, as my Conch shell burst into a million fragments as it's full weight fell onto the unyielding stone patio.

   Alas, just like Humpty Dumpty, all of the King's horses and all of the King's men were not putting this puppy back together again.

   Does anyone remember ABC's "Wide World of Sports"? I was feeling the "Thrill of Victory!" and "The Agony of Defeat!" all in the same emotion. This was the perfect example and lesson about "The Yin & Yang" of life, you cannot have one without the other. Admittedly there was the initial disappointment but it quickly passed with the realization that I had achieved what I had set out to do, I had participated, enjoyed it thoroughly and although short lived, fleeting, the accomplishment could not be denied. I shrugged my shoulders and with a smile on my face I brushed all of the ice fragments off of the patio and back onto the grass, I graciously surrendered the dolly I was using to the next competitor who was waiting for it as there were not enough for everyone and we had to share. I did forewarn him and wish him good luck on negotiating the obstacle course on the way in to the Salon. I apologized to the hotel staff for the mess but assured them that it wouldn't last long in the heat of the sun. I took a few deep breaths and watched the other beautiful sculptures entering the room in the final minutes, appreciating each one for it's merits and skill level, cultivating ideas and learning from each and every one of them.

   I returned to my station to clean up, dry and put away my tools, and then go to enjoy the rest of the show, and the day. As I was drying my tools many people were still milling around, slowly making their way into the Salon to view the now open "Cold Salon" complete with sculptures. A stranger caught my eye, I had never seen him before, a tourist, but there was something familiar about him. He walked right up to me and handed me a bottle of Dos Equis dark, ("XX"), one of my favorite beers, and had one for himself. He said,

   "Wow, nice saw!" "What part of Canada are you from?"

   I smiled and responded,

   "Vancouver originally..."

   He smiled and said,

   "I knew it! I'm from B.C. as well". "Hey I'm real sorry about your carving."

   "That's OK", I said, "There's always next year". "Cheers", we clinked our bottles together, had a drink and he observed as I meticulously dried and oiled the "Husqy". While watching and appreciating he said,

   "You know, I've felled a few trees in my time.."

   I answered, rhetorically, with a big smile,

   "Haven't we all?"

   We both took a moment and felt comfort in our mutual interest, heritage, sharing of our Canadian culture, the easy familiarity with each other that we both felt regardless of just having met. Feeling a touch of home so far removed from this tropical paradise that we were in. We looked at the crowd of international people swarming around us; people from a wide range and diverse countries and cultures, appreciating this "melting pot" of tourists, locals and expats, an incredible concentration of diversity in such a small space.

    We looked back at each other and both burst out laughing at the realization of "No!" "Haven't we all?", was really not rhetorical as we were probably the only 2 people in this crowd to appreciate a fine chainsaw, to embrace the feel of it in our hands, to have ever "felled" a tree or to have cut and split firewood. We clinked our bottles one last time, finished our beer and bid each other a "Good day", (Eh). I watched as the familiar stranger disappeared into the crowd, I never saw him again but the culmination of events had put me in a great mood for the rest of the day. I had a Happy, Silly song pop up in my head that carried with me for the rest of the day and kept a constant smile on my face. It can be argued that this is the unofficial provincial anthem of B.C. but in closing I will leave you with Monty Python's, "The Lumberjack Song";

    "...leaping from tree to tree as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia, the giant Redwood, the Larch, the Fir, the mighty Scots Pine, the smell of fresh cut timber, the crash of mighty trees, with my best girl by my side we'd sing, sing, sing..."

   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLqHkAorjMk  (mood music :-) )

   Happy Cooking Everyone!

   P.S. (Most of the photos here are "stock photos" from the internet, Unfortunately I had no photos of my particular carving from this article. The Conch Carving seen here is from www.icecuisine.com and is a fair resemblance of the carving I did on this day. The B&W shot is myself and one of my earlier sculptures I did in Toronto in 1986, and yes that is a "hobby" saw that I'm using in that particular photo).