Life can change in a moment:

I was talking to a retired lawyer at a workshop and he was telling me his life story and he casually mentioned that he had survived a fire and that as a result of that fire, he had burns over 40% of his body. He went on to explain that the hardest part of his recovery was how to regain the use of his hands. Those of you who have followed me for years know that in 2014 my wife had a brain aneurysm and that at that moment I realized how life can change so quickly. The lawyer I talked to had a life-changing moment and was able to talk about it without being bitter.

I had experienced transitions when I retired and over my career,  I had brought about some major changes and I thought I had embraced the concept that change seems to be the only thing that is inevitable. But until you face life-changing issues or death the concept of change is abstract. Some events are planned while others come out of nowhere and smack us in the head. I know that lives can change at a moment’s notice. Yet nothing can prepare you for a fire, a car accident, or a catastrophic medical event. 

How well we respond to the events is I think one of the chief determinants of how well you savour life. In my life and in the retired lawyer's life the events we experienced made us stronger not more fearful. We both were very lucky as we had a wealth of people who would and did support us in our time of need. Not everyone has this luxury of a strong support group and have to face new and sometimes terrifying situations alone. My hope is that these unforeseen situations make you more effective not more afraid. More altruistic not more self-absorbed. More welcoming not more careful.

If a person does not have a strong support group then they need strong coping skills as they face the life-changing event and transition to the other side. It may be cliche to say but even after the most horrific tragedy life goes on and those who have the best coping skills, and are the most emotionally resilient, bounce back from disappointment or traumatic events and find new opportunities.  

Life is a range of transformations. We experience these changes in our careers, businesses, families, relationships, finances, and even our health. Each change requires us to go through a psychological process to come to terms with our new situation. According to William Bridges, the process of change and transition has three stages all require an emotional resiliency. The stages he uses are endings, the neutral zone, and new beginnings. 

If you are fortunate to know what changes you are up against then you can prepare for the change. If it is an unexpected change, such as a fire or a medical emergency then you cannot begin to prepare properly, but you can take steps to cope. Think of an upcoming life event including the unthinkable ones (death of a spouse, medical emergency, car accident, etc)  or one you are dealing with now. Write down every relevant question, concern, and possible consequence. You have to get them out of your head and on to paper. For example: What’s my greatest fear? What’s the potential financial impact? Where will the money come from? What resources or expertise could help me with this situation? Whom do I know who has been through this and what can I learn from that person?

The process of thinking through these questions will give you the confidence to respond when the time comes. Proactive thinking puts you in a different headspace even when the situation turns out far differently than what you anticipated.