Reflections on loss

I reflected on the loss of a young life,  this past weekend, as the celebration of the life of Daniel who died over the holiday at my house, was happening in Australia. I remember the young man's mother, Sally, who lost her son on Christmas day. I saw Sally's  pain when she came to see us, to pick up her son's ashes, to take him home. I felt her anguish in my soul. As a parent, losing a child is the ultimate pain.  

My feelings were on being a parent, (father, grandfather, godparent) and the responsibility that comes with that territory. If things are going well or moving forward for our children then we tend to believe that we bear responsibility for this success. But what if things go wrong in their life? There is a wrenching of our soul as events seem to move beyond our control in a downward spiral. 

The fact is that our sense of responsibility can weigh heavily on our heart. The good news is that just as we suffer through the heartaches and failures of our children, we celebrate and embrace the joys of their successes.

We must try to remember that we are not the reason for our children's failures or their success either when they were young or when they are older adults. We may wish to claim some responsibility for success and some responsibility for their failures when they are small or as they grow, but we should not do this. 

I believe in and teach individual responsibility so I have to accept that all of us must take responsibility for the results of our actions, both good and bad, but that does not stop or minimise the pain when we lose our children. My heart goes out to Sally, her family and Daniels' friends as they move forward in life.