CityVP Manjit

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The Time Before Dying

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Buzz Submitted by :  Paul Walters

Buzz : I Never Sang for My Father

"Death alone merely ends our time on earth, however it fails to end relationships, which remain like an indelible stamp in the consciousness of those closest to the recently departed".  Paul Walters 

Paul Walters fabulous buzz "I Never Sang for My Father" exemplifies death as a personal relationship, a dance of values that has different meaning and significance for each person who reflects on it afterwards or faces it in the moment.  It is rare to read such a reflection simply because we are not all-together a reflective society.

The relationship with our ancestors are not just spiritual, they are encoded in our DNA, their sins could well be transferred as our genetic condition but as Paul Walters shows in this buzz, two people though father and son, could be two very different people in terms of values and sensory relationship.  That is a part of the diversity that leads to different chemistries and reactions.

What closure means to one person is different to what closure and coming to terms is for another but all of this is measured after the passing and not a part of an awareness before, unless we shift our view towards a focus on dyadic relationships and value each dyad, up-to the maximum number of relationships we can maintain.

In the virtual world that is an unmanageable dyad, thus this relationship has to be far more personal than a relationship that has no arm, legs or body but simply a virtual avatar representing those things and sometimes only a virtual talking head.  If we approximate that 400,000 births occur each day compared to 200,000 deaths, then we have 400,000 congratulations and 200,000 condolences to send each day - an unimaginable dyad.

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CityVP Manjit

CityVP Manjit

4 years ago #1

Breathing together Joel Anderson is what is most important, your wife, your two daughters, your wife's sister, her husband, their mother - a time to breath together and that is the only wall of humanity we can erect that builds the fortress required at times like this. Fear is hardest in not knowing, but once what we fear has occurred, the certainty is something we can hold - it is the unknown that troubles us most. Prayer does remove some of this vacuum, but breath, that is a collective act to share with the living as all of you pay respects to the loved one that has passed. At the moment of greatest despair comes the recognition of greatest love, those immediately around you, the blessing of having their breath and the strength that you are finding to come through this shared difficulty. You are not on your own because you have told me in your response the blessing of your own family. The father who has passed has joined the ranks of ancestors but in you honouring him and paying your respects, you strengthen in your collective breath. It is impossible for human beings to breath alone on this Earth when we breath the same air. We are not astronauts trapped in space - we are human beings on Earth, with the blessings of knowing the very people who we now say goodbye to and yet still unite in our breath together. There will be calmer and sunnier times but we are not governed by our self at these times, these are the moments that bind us human beings and in that is the greatest blessing.

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