Time for some humour?

We are off for a few days on the Island and out of contact with the Internet world, so while I am unable to connect, I will leave you with a little bit of humour.

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

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The phone rang as I was setting down to my anticipated evening meal, and as I answered it I was greeted with " is this Wilhiam Wagenhoss" not sounding anything like my name, so I said who is calling? The telemarketer said he was with The Rubberband Powered Freezer company or something like that and then I asked him if he knew Wilhiam personally and why was he calling this number? I then said off to the side, "get really good pictures of the body and all the blood" then turned back to the phone and advised the caller that he had entered a murder scene and must stay on the line because we had already traced this call and he would be receiving a summons to appear in the local courthouse to testify in this murder case.

I then questioned the caller at great length as to his name, address, phone number at home, at work, who he worked for, how he knew the dead guy and could he prove where he had been about one hour before he made this call.

The telemarketer was getting very concerned and his answers were given in a shaky voice. I then told him we had located his position at his workplace and the police were entering the building to take him into custody, at that point I heard the phone fall and the scurrying of his running away.

My wife asked me as I returned to our table why I had tears streaming down my face and so help me, I couldn't tell her for about fifteen minutes.

My meal was cold, but after what I had pulled, very enjoyable.

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Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

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A client brought a litter of golden retriever puppies to my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming. As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest.

I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each dog's head when I had finished.

After the fourth puppy, I noticed my hitherto talkative client had grown silent.

As I sprinkled the last pup's head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, "I didn't know they had to be baptized."

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It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

And finally

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and like to Complain About Our Pets

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture (that's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. 

Dogs are better than kids...they eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends (unless the cat that also lives here has a cat-nip addiction, but that won't kill him/her). They don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for university - and if they get pregnant, you can sell the children.