How to write good.

• Avoid Alliteration. Always.
• Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
• Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
• Employ the vernacular.
• Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
• Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
• It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
• Contractions arent necessary.
• Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
• One should never generalize.
• Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.
• Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
• Dont be redundant; dont use more words than necessary; its highly superfluous.
• Profanity sucks.
• Be more or less specific.
• Understatement is always best.
• Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
• One word sentences? Eliminate.
• Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
• The passive voice is to be avoided.
• Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
• Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
• Who needs rhetorical questions?

The second set of rules is derived from William Safire's Rules for Writers.

• Parenthetical words however must be enclosed in commas.
  
• It behooves you to avoid archaic expressions.
• Avoid archaeic spellings too.
• Don't repeat yourself, or say again what you have said before.
• Don't use commas, that, are not, necessary.
• Do not use hyperbole; not one in a million can do it effectively.
• Never use a big word when a diminutive alternative would suffice.
• Subject and verb always has to agree.
• Placing a comma between subject and predicate, is not correct.
• Use youre spell chekker to avoid mispeling and to catch typograhpical errers.
• Don't repeat yourself, or say again what you have said before.
• Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
• Don't never use no double negatives.
• Poofread carefully to see if you any words out.
• Hopefully, you will use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
• Eschew obfuscation.
• No sentence fragments.
• Don't indulge in sesquipedalian lexicological constructions.
• A writer must not shift your point of view.
• Don't overuse exclamation marks!!
• Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
• Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
• If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
• Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
• Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
• Always pick on the correct idiom.
• The adverb always follows the verb.
• Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
• If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be by rereading and editing.
• And always be sure to finish what