Planning a get together for a person with dementia, some tips

I have a friend who has been diagnosed with Vascular Dementia and so as his illness gets worth, I and his friends are finding out all we can to help him. One of the ways is to have a get together to create wonderful traditions and lasting memories. How can you make these get-togethers more inclusive and successful when someone has dementia? Follow these tips offered by Dr. Heather Palmer, National Director of Cognitive Well-Being at Amica, where team members support residents as well as their families.

Pick a good time of day

People with cognitive impairments such as dementia have peak times when they’re most alert. Pay attention to when the person is at their best. If the person has more focus during the day, you might try hosting a birthday lunch instead of dinner. They’re more likely to be engaged, better able to cope and less likely to be tired or show behaviours.

This way, you get to spend time with them when they are happy and laughing rather than agitated and frustrated. Consider the impact of medications on mood or energy level and plan accordingly.

Consider the space

Laughter, conversation and music are signs of a great party, but these and other sounds can be very distracting to someone with dementia. If the gathering space is large and it’s too much for them, plan on having a second, quieter room where they can sit while a few people go in at a time to engage with them. Be prepared to move furniture or people around if the noise bothers him.

Keep the family informed

Designate one family member to take the lead on monitoring your loved one at the party. You might consider establishing signals if the person starts to get agitated: One person takes the lead and if, for example, they raise a hand, it means the kids are too chaotic and it’s time to move them. If the lead person suggests someone go for a walk, they’re trying to redirect a conversation that they may see is upsetting. Let everyone know that the lead family member isn’t bossing people around, they’re trying to make the event pleasant for everyone.

Practice good communication

Plan ahead: bring conversation topics, old stories and mementos that may help them reminisce, such as photographs, books, hobbies, etc. Visuals are great to support your questions and stories, but resist the temptation to ask, “Do you remember this…?”

In conversation, try to simplify your language, wait for a response and don’t hesitate to repeat a question. Through conversation and photos, see if you can reveal where your loved one sees herself in time. If Mom believes she’s 19 and getting ready for a date, agree with her and run with it. “Living in their moment is important, correcting their mistakes can impact their dignity, make them lose confidence in the interaction and lead to social retreat.