Trust, Generosity and Love

In both relationships and life, trust begets trust. Easy to say but how easy is it to do, and what does it really mean?

The only way to make a person trustworthy is by trusting them. And the easiest way to make them untrustworthy is to mistrust them and show your mistrust. In all good relationships, particularly between partners, friends, and family, the most important ingredient is mutual trust. How do you show someone that you trust them?

Trust isn't a belief about reliability or dependability, nor glue that "makes things possible. Rather, trust is an active process of relationship building. Giving trust is what people do who want to enable engagement, innovation, creativity, and great work.

We have all heard or read that trust begets trust but this has been proven experimentally that if you trust people, you make them more trustworthy and, conversely, sanctions designed to deter people from cheating actually makes them cheat.

Here are three trust-building approaches to get you started:

1. Commit to the relationship. Love doesn't thrive because you're in an exclusive relationship, and neither does trust. Effectively handling setbacks, ongoing communication, nurturing each others' strengths, dealing with differences and making a continuous commitment to the relationship allows authentic trust (and love) to flourish.

2. Focus on what's going right. A common trust-building mistake is spending energy to fix what's wrong or focusing collectively when only a few are causing problems. Instead, identify and reinforce what's going right. Put your attention on getting more of the behaviours and actions you desire. When you reinforce what's going well, you get more of it.

3. Start the process. Trust is an action. Trust starts because you give it and evolve incrementally over time by actions taken and given. It's not a blank check or on/off switches. Think of authentic trust-building like turning up a dimmer switch. You gradually turn the light brighter to fit the relationship. If you turn it up too bright, you can turn it down and adjust the level. Giving trust is like that.

Generosity begets generosity, is from the Bible, Mark 4:25 and refers to the idea that we need to share what we have and when we do, we will be rewarded for those deeds. So, this thought expresses the idea that when we do good things, the resources will be there for us to complete the good deed. As we share what we have and what we receive, our generosity will be rewarded.

"Love begets love. If you show it, you will feel it. If you give it, you will receive it.” A quote by Elizabeth Bourgeret

We are all alive and that means we change. We change from day-to-day, and the reason we change is because of the ideas we experience. Life teaches me that I'm able to make changes. Changes that I want to happen, not just those who just happens without me even noticing it.

But it's easier to make those unseen changes, those that come with you going with the flow, not thinking much about how you present yourself, or how you interact, or what you do. It's harder when you have to track your progress, ask yourself some tough questions, really find your own voice.

A simple yet fact, but one that many people do not understand, to make others love you, you've got to love yourself. To make others appreciate you, you've got to appreciate yourself. Every change starts from within, why not start with adding some love for yourself. Love begets love. Be the spark, especially when it's dark.