Vulnerability and retirement

Feeling vulnerable could be part of the brain’s survival design, triggering the fight or flight response which once protected us from danger. And there is research that shows that some of us are genetically more inclined to feel vulnerable than others. So, if you are wired to feel vulnerable what does that really mean?

Being vulnerable, means you are human. And it may mean you are being asked to decide. Is this really a time to protect yourself? Are you engaging with the wrong person from which to risk judgement? Then steer clear.

Or is this a time to be brave, and to step towards personal growth? To risk rejection and perhaps by doing so gaining a stronger sense of self, a feeling of being connected to others, and a sense of freedom to create the life that feels right for you, personally. If you believe it is time to be brave then think of it as just starting out on a new journey. When you start on a new journey it's only natural to feel vulnerable, like you have so much to lose. But may I remind you that never again, at any other point in the same journey, will you have so much to gain?

The best part of being human is our ability able to connect with others. We’re hardwired for it. We live in tribes and families, work in groups, love as couples and thrive in friendships. The drive to connect is in all of us whether we acknowledge it or not.

As you embark on the new journey of retirement you should leave yourself vulnerable and open yourself to connect to others. Vulnerability is an openness to experiences, people, and uncertainty. It’s terrifying at times, and brave always. Vulnerability is the driving force of connection. It’s brave. It’s tender. But we’ve turned it into a weakness.

We’ve made ourselves ‘strong’. We’ve toughened up, hardened up and protected ourselves from being hurt. We’ve protected ourselves from vulnerability and disallowed the surrender. Here’s the problem. When we close our vulnerability, we are shielded from hurt, but we are also shielded from love, intimacy, and connection. They come to us through the same door. When we close it to one, we close it to all.

When you retire, there is no longer a need to be strong, you can embrace your vulnerability and say to those you love, ‘Here I am – my frayed edges, my secrets, my fears, my affection. Be careful – they’re precious.' Doing this will build trust, closeness and a sense of belonging. Relationships won’t thrive without it.

Occasionally we get hurt. Relationship pain is an unavoidable part of being human. When this happens, we make the decision to not be vulnerable. We shut it down. By shutting down to the risks of being vulnerable, we also shut down to the possibilities – the possibility of joy, intimacy, closeness, gratitude, and connection. To enjoy your retirement leave yourself open to the possibility of happiness, affection, closeness, recognition, and attachment, you will be glad you did.