Royce Shook

8 months ago · 2 min. reading time · visibility ~10 ·

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Bloody Puns

We are in the heart of winter and it can make one sad and dissolute, so here are some bloody puns to raise your spirits.

Do you know what really makes my blood boil? The vacuum of space.

I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck. Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!

Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection? Dad: Their effort goes in vein.

What do you call a barbecued, blood-sucking insect? Mesquite-o.

A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank. The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"

Don't you just hate it when it's 212 degrees outside? It really just makes my blood boil.

Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin? You just have to listen varicosely.

What do doctors use to draw blood? A needle? No, a red crayon!

My doctor forgot to document my blood type. It was a typo.

I took a blood test today It was easy. I got A+, and I didn't even have to study!

Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type. At least he told us to be positive.

What does goblin's blood consist of? A hemogoblin

What do you say when two red blood cells get married? Coagulations!

What did the patient say after he gave blood? I feel drained.

So, my blood test came back positive. Turns out I’m full of the stuff.

What did one deoxygenated blood cell say to the other? We're all in vain.

What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power? A Megalovieniac.

Donating blood can be A-positive experience But sometimes it can B-negative.

I'm so Midwestern, it's in my blood I'm type Ohp!-ositive

What do you call a glass of pig’s blood? Swine.

Why are blood physicians so rich? Because blood cells.

Why did the blood-sucking insect learn Latin? It wanted to be a Roman-tic

What do you call a fraternity member who likes to drink the blood of goats? A chupacabro.

My friend has an insect parasite that can't stop fidgeting as it sucks blood. He has a nervous tick.

What do you call a crazy blood-sucking parasite? A lunatick!

What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others? Vlad the Impala. I went to the Red Cross to donate blood. They threw me out and said, "We don't want your type here!"

I was terrified by the results of my blood test But, my doctor just said B positive.

What blood type does a pessimist have? B Negative

My son was injected with poisoned blood from a person from Finland He said, "I am finnished."

My son asked me why our sailboat is named Blood I yelled back: "Because it’s a bloody vessel!"

Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood - I come from a long line of fathers. Bloody Puns

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Royce Shook

8 months ago #4

Thank you for all the additions, I see humour is still circulating.

John Rylance

8 months ago #3

Is someone who cuts themselves a blood clot? Vald the Impaler adds a few drops of blood to cream to get clotted blood his favourite spread.

Ken Boddie

8 months ago #2

These bloody puns, Royce, make me see red. 😂

Oh, Lordy, Royce Shook. You are so, so bad.

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