Dating Advice: Like It Or Not, You're a Value Meal.

“If a guy wants you for your breasts, thighs and legs, send him to KFC.” Nicolas Cage

The whole fast food industry depends on frying or deep-frying some part of an animal’s anatomy. Is it any wonder we look for the same thing in our dates? It’s just a carryover of what we eat. Like Newman on Seinfeld, looking at Kramer when he gets a bad sun burn. All Newman sees is a roast chicken. Food and relationships have become synonymous. What we like to date, we also like to eat. Sometimes that’s a good thing. We all like to eat.

I got chided the other day for telling men not to wear Speedos (at, least not if more is hanging over the top than what’s inside). “C’mon,” one woman wrote, “We freaking celebrate overweight women (oops, sorry, “curvy women”) in bikini shots all over the freaking web, and you’re gonna tell me we can’t do the same with men?”

She had friends who would be “drooling” over that guy in the Southern Comfort commercial (the one with his gut hanging over his Speedo). “Sorry if you can’t handle it,” she continued,” but that’s your judgment call, not theirs. Get over it, sweetheart.”

And who wants a model, anyway? It’s like gnawing on an overdone Cornish hen.

Drooling seems to be the operative word here. We all drool. That’s not to say we necessarily know — or care — what’s good for us. Sometimes we trust our saliva glands more than our brains. We eat and date according to what makes us feel good at the time.

For instance, men may drool over models, but models are like those gourmet meals with a medallion of duck, three caramelized carrots and a sprig of coriander. Who doesn’t go home afterwards and make a peanut butter sandwich? And who wants a model, anyway? It’s like gnawing on an overdone Cornish hen.

Remember as a child your mother asking “How hungry are you?” The same goes with dating today. It’s one thing to say you just want a salad, but what you really want is an extra large pepperoni pizza or a Value Bucket.

Since men look at Playmates a lot more than models, it seems logical they’re looking for fuller figures — just like they’re looking for fuller stomachs.

Don’t think you’re alone in this, either. Even Playmates get hungry, and they don’t stop at lettuce and asparagus tips. The average Playmate’s bust, waist and hip measurements are 35–23–34. That makes them 36% more curvy than a typical fashion model. In foodie terms — or just eating terms — you’re getting a lot more on your plate with a Playmate than you would with a fashion model.

Since men look at Playmates a lot more than models, it seems logical they’re looking for fuller figures — just like they’re looking for fuller stomachs.

We don’t want to get up from the table (or bed) expecting to be hungry two hours later.

So why do we have super skinny models in the first place? One writer with Psychology Today thought it had to do with boyish figures. Seems having fewer curves (if any at all) makes it easier to dress models. It might also be that many male fashion designers prefer boys.

As much as we’d like having an Angelina Jolie on our arm, it doesn’t satisfy our appetite in real life. The Kardashians play more to our sense of consumption, meaning it’s the difference between gnawing and stuffing. We don’t want to get up from the table (or bed) expecting to be hungry two hours later.

This was confirmed in a study called The Evolution of Desire, by David M Buss. Across the board, men preferred women who were 10–15 pounds heavier than what the women believed men wanted.

Women feel the same way about men. As one woman wrote on Quora, “If I met a really muscular hot model guy, yes, I’d sleep with him based on his looks…and maybe film it LOL! but I’m more attracted to bigger men (I feel skinnier and sexier next to them).”

Another woman said that it’s hard to generalize because personality is far more important. “But if I’m sticking to the subject,” she said, “I want a guy who’s tall enough to figure out the best exit after a ball game.”

We’re all hungry. If we weren’t hungry, we wouldn’t looking for a new partner.

Size matters, in other words. Women don’t mind a little hanging over the beltline. It’s like that prime rib of beef dangling over your plate. We know it’s a lot of meat. Then again, sometimes stomachs overrule brains. It’s like when Sir Edmond Hillary was asked why he climbed Mount Everest. “Because it was there,” he said. Stomachs tend to have the same mentality.

You could say dating is governed by our stomachs. “How hungry are you?” comes back to haunt us. We’re all hungry. If we weren’t hungry, we wouldn’t be dating. Dating is like a Wendy’s menu. The avocado salad looks good, but so does the Bacon Queso Cheeseburger. What do we do in situations like this? We order both.

“Who wants to hang onto ribs? Next thing you know, you want ribs.”

“I don’t mind skinny guys,” one woman wrote on Reddit, “but I’m not skinny. What if I get fat and he stays skinny? People are going to wonder, Is he a chubby chaser, or am I sitting on him at night?” Better to have that Southern Comfort guy. Nobody’s going to think you’re sitting on him.

“Most of the men I know like big girls,” another woman wrote. “I’m a size 16 and I don’t have any trouble getting dates. Men want something to hang onto. Who wants to hang onto ribs? Next thing you know, you want ribs.”

Again, it all comes back to eating. You may think men are staring at your breasts, thighs and legs. What they’re really staring at is a Value Meal. And you women are just as bad. You want a Value Bucket with all the trimmings.

Maybe that woman above is right. Who wants to hang onto ribs? Not most men — and certainly not most women. Too bad KFC doesn’t have ribs. But Swiss Chalet does. Again, just like dating, what you don’t find on one social media site (or menu), you can always find on another.

At least Nicolas Cage was right sending you to a restaurant.

Robert Cormack is a freelance copywriter, novelist and blogger. His first novel “You Can Lead a Horse to Water (But You Can’t Make It Scuba Dive)”is available online and at most major bookstores. Check out Yucca Publishing or Skyhorse Press for more details.