Physical Intelligence - Day 80Yesterday I lost track of time. To record that moment I have not updated the graphic for Day 79. The mistake on the graphic is the same mistake I nearly made today. As I wrote out today's date I had written Monday 20th June, but then it dawned on me that I have my Toastmasters on a Monday, so today could not possibly be that. It turned out the cause of this confusion was that I labelled Monday (yesterday) as Sunday. If it had not been for that evening with students, I would have gone through Monday as if it was Sunday and today I would have continued literally one day behind. The point is that I have done that before - and only noticed after four or five days that my clock was a whole day behind - but at that time I was engaged in 14 years of working for the same house. Yet yesterday I fell into the trap of watching days go by. At this point I must dedicate this moment with a Keith Urban song :
It is moments like this it is appropriate to ask a most pertinent physically intelligent question :
WHAT'S THE FUCK WRONG WITH YOU?
This simple lack of synchronization means that even this physical intelligence journey has become another set of counting cards. It means that when I wrote the self-buzz on Day 79 that the idea of MONDAY was thoroughly immaterial. I was no longer living in the moment but getting through another log, as a part of my mind was doing a mental countdown - as my mind is still doing now easily calculating that there is only 10 more days left of this physical intelligence log - and in that very moment with a loss of time consciousness I was not writing that log - instead it is more appropriately to call this particular moment as the physically lost log.
The only way to get presence back is to find ourselves and recognize the very moment we begin to get lost and so the blessing here is that unlike working my life away as I did back in 2010.
The answer to what's the fuck wrong with you is I got caught sleeping at the wheel, and I know about that because I had the good fortune of driving home a few years ago, when I heard the voice "Dad....Dad.....Dad....My God, where you asleep?" - at a traffic light as I picked her up from work to drive her home, I was that tired I did sleep on the wheel. That could have easily happened on another day when I was driving alone. The blessings in life are noticing these little things or having those around us notice these things for us. The most awakening moment from yesterday is that no one picked up on it. They too must have been going through the motions because usually the errors we make are the first thing some people will not hesitate to tell us.
The other part I know that I am out of this minor funk is that I am on course on getting out that infernal accounting work I do at this time of the year, for the simple reason no one else wanted to do it and as much as I procrastinate and want it off my hands, next year it will be 20 years straight - maybe the lesson today is to accept the blessings that I do have, and get it done, until there is no more done required.
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