Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago · 2 min. reading time · ~10 ·

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Thin-Skinned “Experts”

Thin-Skinned “Experts”

HRN]
HANDLE WITH CARE

FRAGILE

I have an opinion (or two) (or three) about things.

I am not in short supply of these opinions.

Before the Internet and Social Media, there was a relatively small audience for my opinions; the coffee chat at work, the buddies at the bar, or the dog (who always seemed to be in agreement).

Once I had a blogging platform however, it was like I had won the lottery.

I could share my opinions with the rest of the world.

They could learn from my experience and wisdom.

The world would be a better place because I shared my thoughts.

… or so I thought.

As it turned out, I didn’t have the corner on the market of ultimate wisdom.

While some people agreed with me, others had the audacity to… (can you believe this?) … disagree.

Now I’m not talking about the “YOU SUCK!!!” comments. Those are easy to disregard. As the song goes “Haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.”

I’m talking about the commenters that made a compelling case for the opposite point of view. Some were even providing evidence that I may actually be wrong.

What happened next told me a whole lot about myself.

· What kind of person am I when I’m challenged in my thinking?

· Do I like what I see? And hear? And read?

· How did I respond (once I calmed down)?

· Did I quickly decide they were all idiots and write them off?

· Did I decide to quit that particular social media site because everybody should get along (as long as it’s my opinion that’s prevalent)?

· Did I attack them (and their opinions) online?

· Or did I realize that as bright as I think I might be, I may be… umm… (this is hard to say)… wrong.

· Or maybe I’m not wrong, but haven’t considered all the options?

· Or perhaps my thinking works only for a particular context?

Being thin-skinned does not work in politics, and it certainly doesn’t work if you want to get the full experience of an online community.

So… instead of attacking, I engage.

If my viewpoint is so right, and so important, then I should be able to defend it on its own merit, not by demeaning the opposing view.

We challenge ideas, not people.

We may come to the point where we agree to disagree, but we have learned something.

In beBee, we have the opportunity to engage around ideas, to engage in grown up conversations around opposing viewpoints, to take a thought stream and expand on it.

We also have the power to keep out the haters, trolls and scammers.

It’s our community. Let’s keep it that way.

So let’s put on our big-boy and big-girl pants and start posting, commenting, and engaging.

________________________________________________________________________________

Image: MS Office Imagebank

Note: A version of this post has been previously published by the author on LinkedIn.

About the Author:

a16b5a3c.jpgI'm the Chief Information Officer for Appleby College, in Oakville, Ontario Canada, where my team is transforming the delivery of education through innovative application of technology.

I'm convinced that IT leadership needs to dramatically change how IT is delivered rather than being relegated to a costly overhead department.

In addition to transforming IT in my role as CIO, I look for every opportunity to talk about this... writing, speaking and now blogging on BeBee (https://www.bebee.com/@kevin-pashuk) , LinkedIn, ITWorld Canada, or at TurningTechInvisible.com.

I also shoot things... with my camera. Check out my photostream at www.flickr.com/photos/kwpashuk



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Comments

Kevin Pashuk

6 years ago #91

#126
Thanks Robert Cormack. The trouble with becoming skillful in one area of our life, is that our damn brain somehow convinces us that we are that good in all other areas of life. As my German grandmother used to say, "We get too big for our britches". This post was written in response to one of those times where I thought I had a handle on a situation, but was (respectfully) shown otherwise. Combine that with a few recent tirades by others on social media that seem to outlaw reason and logic, and voila, you have all you need to write a post like this.

Robert Cormack

6 years ago #90

Good post, Kevin Pashuk. I wonder what inspired it. Thanks for the advice.

don kerr

6 years ago #89

Well that too. #124

Kevin Pashuk

6 years ago #88

#123
I do hope you are referring to the post Don...

don kerr

6 years ago #87

A Kevin Pashuk golden oldie!

Kevin Pashuk

6 years ago #86

#121
Not everyone is an asshole Jim... but every social media platform seems to attract some. Perhaps you should employ some of this if they keep coming around. https://www.amazon.com/ASSHOLE-REPELLENT-ULTIMATE-GIFT-PRODUCT/dp/B004Y6JFU2

Jim Murray

6 years ago #85

Ok...so you have convinced me to stop writing off everybody who disagrees with me as an asshole, despite the fact that that may be the case 80% of the time. :) Very nice post, Kevin Pashuk

Kevin Pashuk

6 years ago #84

#119
Thanks Gert. You are certainly one of the experts at taking a thought stream and expanding on it.

Gert Scholtz

6 years ago #83

"In beBee, we have the opportunity to engage around ideas, to engage in grown up conversations around opposing viewpoints, to take a thought stream and expand on it." Well said Kevin Pashuk

Kevin Pashuk

6 years ago #82

#114
Thanks for the thoughtful comment Blaine. I do feel that 'thin skinned' and 'immature' are synonyms, and is not limited to age. Those who's fall back position to disagreement is "YOU SUCK!!!" (or dare I say "FAKE NEWS!!!") show a blatant disregard for truth. Dialogue around ideas is indeed energizing, and is crucial to growth. Of course, all of this is my opinion and I'm willing to be challenged on it.

Louise Smith

6 years ago #81

#116
Not to bee ALLOWED !

Kevin Pashuk

6 years ago #80

#113
Umm... Louise.... I may have to disagree with you. :)

Phil Friedman

6 years ago #79

#114
Blaine > "I would often talk to a fellow students who took a different political stance from me, not to debate or "win", but to truly TALK." Eloquently stated, Blaine. When I was a student, and later when I taught, the exercise and strengthening of one's mind was considered a worthy undertaking in and by itself. And it was truly amazing how many times, as one clarified one's own thoughts, those of others became a bit clearer as well. Cheers!

Louise Smith

6 years ago #78

#109
Yes Javier this is one of the best buzzes of all time !

Louise Smith

6 years ago #77

#67
Ha ha ha ! Says who?

Kevin Pashuk

6 years ago #76

#109
Thanks Javier. The topic is always relevant for both old and new bees.

Louise Smith

6 years ago #75

#108
Yes Phil same with me and my friends. SNAP !
Kevin Pashuk I love this kind of revival on beBee !

Phil Friedman

6 years ago #73

#104
Yes, Louise, I counsel people, too -- in not taking themselves too seriously, though. One of my mottos is friends don't let friends walk around spouting half-assed ideas and opinions, at least, not without challenging them to defend what they say. :-) Cheers!

Phil Friedman

6 years ago #72

#104
Yes, Louise, I counsel people, too -- in not taking themselves too seriously, though. One of my mottos is friends don't let friends walk around spouting half-assed ideas and opinions, at least, without challenging them to defend what they say. :-) Cheers!

Kevin Pashuk

6 years ago #71

#105
Thanks Fatima. (and thanks for sharing!)

🐝 Fatima G. Williams

6 years ago #70

This is an awesome post Kevin Pashuk Yes We challenge ideas, not people.

Louise Smith

6 years ago #69

#100
I counsel a lot of clients in recovery from various addictions. This is something most of them struggle a lot with.

Kevin Pashuk

6 years ago #68

#101
Thanks Louise. Don is in a special bunch of people, along with Phil Friedman. We are good friends and we don't always agree. A case in point is a post I wrote in response to one of Jim's https://www.bebee.com/producer/@kevin-pashuk/i-think-about-god-too-jim-murray

Kevin Pashuk

6 years ago #67

#100
It takes a while to develop this awareness Phil... In my case it was by meeting up with some genuinely interesting people, who knew the art of the dialog, even if there was disagreement. (I include the Beezers in this bunch).

Louise Smith

6 years ago #66

#99
You are very welcome. I still remember the post you wrote about meeting f2f with Don \ud83d\udc1d Kerr It's one of my all time favourites! https://www.bebee.com/producer/@javierbebee/a-really-great-story-don-kerr-and-kevin-pashuk

Phil Friedman

6 years ago #65

I truly love this post, Kevin. But how many people see themselves in the description of those who react badly to being challenged on their expressed views, while they laud the principles extolled here? Not many, I dare say. Cheers!

Kevin Pashuk

6 years ago #64

#98
Thanks Louise, and thanks for sharing.

Louise Smith

6 years ago #63

Can be a steep learning curve but worth the view from the top of the mountain

Kevin Pashuk

6 years ago #62

#96
Thanks Harvey. Each day is indeed a new day, particularly when it comes to dealing with those who may disagree with you. The secret seems to be the openness of our minds to hear a counter opinion versus the thickness of our skin to repel those who disagree.

Harvey Lloyd

6 years ago #61

#95
I believe you could post this one everyday and it would be helpful. Not only is it a social media thing but a live conversation thing. The offense towards a goal seems to be on the sidelines a lot lately. The defensive team is always trying to sort out how did that statement cut you? I was furthering a dialogue towards the goal. Is it possible to run out of sensitivity? Maybe at the micro level we have a sensitivity protein and like vitamin C we can't store it we just use it up and need more. Maybe we could get big pharma to come up with a sensitivity vitamin. We could take this around noon, or if you are in a really sensitive group earlier, so we won't spend the next morning undoing what the afternoon goal focus brought:)

Kevin Pashuk

6 years ago #60

Another busy week ahead, so no time for a new post, but this one seems to fit the theme of my week.

Zacharias 🐝 Voulgaris

7 years ago #59

Well, it's usually people who suck that project their condition to other via the cocoon that is the Web. I doubt these people would have the balls to say that to your face. If they do however bother you (or anyone else who posts online), here is my response to their witless comment: "yes, I do suck, all the marrow out of life! Thank you for noticing!" No point trying to argue with idiots.

Randy Keho

7 years ago #58

It's the holidays, so people are gaining weight. I know, I work for a uniform-rental company. Perhaps, some people need to increase the waist size of their big-boy and big-girl pants.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #57

Time to resurrect this post from the summer...

don kerr

7 years ago #56

Rock on Kevin...you are bang on. Sharing.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #55

#89
You should get along quite well here Paul. As you noted, there are several tools to make our beBee experience more effective.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #54

#87
Thanks Renée. That post by Graham is one of my favourites.

Harvey Lloyd

7 years ago #53

#85
This is a subject of social media as we look to feedback to accomplish something in our lives. I find i can read into a post many things, establishing choice. With out the visual aid and ears to guide me on intent i am left to assume. I am often amazed to how folks can always assume the very same thing across many posts. Negative or positive. In seeking social media connections i believe we need to start with assuming intent as helpful. Make a few comments and see how they are received, reflected or consumed. Without all the senses online then we need to work harder to see intent. Recent discussions around truth and facts are a prime example of folks leaving the reservation over content that was posed for discussion not blasphemy against another's belief system. This post said what i was thinking well, Kevin Pashuk.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #52

Thanks Harvey for resurrecting this and sharing.

Harvey Lloyd

7 years ago #51

In an effort to look back at some older posts, this gem showed up. Also it appears to be applicable to some circumstance that have popped up recently on my feed.

David B. Grinberg

7 years ago #50

Yes, keeping this wonderful platform professional, polite and courteous is of utmost importance. There's nothing wrong with disagreeing, as that's one critical factor that sparks engagement. However, personal insults and attacks should not be tolerated -- period. We are all better than that.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #49

#77
Thanks Joel Anderson. In a generation whose sense of personal responsibility has been shaped by years of getting 'participation awards', it's sometimes helpful to remind them.

Joel Anderson

7 years ago #48

Thanks Kevin Pashuk And maybe along the way good, bad or otherwise, "whatever you do, do it good!" Express yourself: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jW4VZ5J0fNQ

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #47

#75
I don't think of it as 'spooky' Susan Rooks, I think of it as 'affinity'.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #46

#73
Agreed John Valledor.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #45

#68
These are great point to append onto this post Wayne Yoshida.

Joel Anderson

7 years ago #44

"let’s put on our big-boy and big-girl pants" a phrase I consistently use with my daughters, nieces and nephews. Well done on a great post.

Wayne Yoshida

7 years ago #43

#74
Susan Rooks - Isn't that an excellent line? It's one of those universal things one can say to anyone. I used to work with someone who thought the world revolved around her. She would request something from me and expect an immediate response. . . . But of course, other deadlines would be in front of her request . . . .
#61
Kevin Pashuk, it's always spooky when one of us writes about something others have been thinking about! And you really hit the proverbial nail with this one.
#68
Wayne Yoshida, I love that second phrase "we will give this item the attention it deserves." I know somewhere, sometime I am going to use that.

Wayne Yoshida

7 years ago #40

Here's another side of this coin. These two phrases came from one of my earlier supervisors: (1) "Sometimes it's not enough to be right - sometimes you have to convince the other you are not wrong," and (2) "we will give this item the attention it deserves."

Phil Friedman

7 years ago #39

#65
Kevin Pashuk - MP and The Holy Grail? OMG, you guys are a LOT older than I thought you were.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #38

A general note thise those who think Brian McKenzie and I have gone completely crackers... I suggest you start with Monty Python's Search for the Holy Grail and go from there. Beware the bunny.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #37

#54
But why the mightiest tree Aaron Skogen? I actually want you to bring me some shrubbery! Nee!

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #36

#56
Great suggestion Lisa Gallagher to go back and read the comments slowly instead of just skimming.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #35

#57
Thanks .

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #34

#59
I can assure you Susan Rooks, that if I got into your head, it was purely coincidental. I try and write about things that should be common sense. Those rare people gifted in common sense seem to enjoy my musings. Thanks for your comment.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #33

#58
I obviously had some great manners training Dean-san... but etiquette is sadly lacking in many. Perhaps we need to recruit a manner goddess in the same way we have a Grammar goddess (aka Susan Rooks)
OK, Kevin Pashuk, get OUT OF MY HEAD! Either all thoughts are universal or you've been peeking. You're right; sometimes we're wrong on something. Sometimes others are. It can be difficult to not lash out at someone -- but it's necessary. We will disagree a lot, but with respect, we can survive. And learn, which is the big thing on social media. I learn every day! Thanks for a great post!

Dean Owen

7 years ago #31

Hey Kevin-san, your social media manners are an example to all.

Mohammed Abdul Jawad

7 years ago #30

Yep...beBee is so exciting, wonderful with all the interactive engagement, sequential responses and thoughtful sharing.

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #29

What a refreshing read Kevin Pashuk! I've had others disagree with some of my writings and I have to admit, I too, had to take a step back and reflect. I think at times it's a great learning experience. "We challenge ideas, not people." Great quote and if we can remember this, it's easier not to take an opposing view as a personal attack. I'm fairly thick skinned but there are times I've had my feelings hurt which doesn't happen often. I tend to be a speed reader as well, so I'm learning to slow down, re-read and try to understand a comment if it's conflicting. I think if we can take a deep breath and try to keep in mind that not everyone is going to agree with us, we can communicate better with each other.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #28

#46
Yes, and yes. Thicker skin AND more manners.
#40
we will solve it :)

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #26

#37
Not at all Aurorasa Sima have heard our requests for this.
#37
Aurorasa Sima @alberto anaya

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #24

#30
Another great movie quote Gerald Hecht as in "It must be Italian... It says on the box Fra-Geel-ee."

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #23

#27
You make good points Phil Friedman. The 'report abuse' button can indeed become abusive itself.
#27
Phil Friedman it will be always like that. Bees Will always reach 100% of their followers. If any followed one start to post poor quality content you can just stop following him or silence or block (the last one will be available soon)

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #21

#10
Check out my exchange with Brian McKenzie. Warning, there may be some Monty Python involved.

don kerr

7 years ago #20

Could not agree more Phil Friedman#17

Phil Friedman

7 years ago #19

#24
Kevin Pashuk, has committed to 100% distribution to 100% of one's followers 100% of the time -- so I do not believe the practice is necessary on beBee, and should be avoided. 2) I would personally prefer to see people admonish trolls or ignore them. (I cannot resist doing the former.) As I have seen on LinkedIn and elsewhere serious abuse of the "report" button as a tool to silence others, or simply to harrass perceived competition. 3) I am availableto sit on a committee to create a thin-skinned label. Cheers!

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #18

#17
Thanks for bringing up the Beezer Manifesto Phil Friedman!

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #17

You know Don Kerr, that 'big boy' pants are the ones without the elastic at the back... unless of course you are approaching geezerhood, then they are just comfortable.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #16

#15
Perhaps Phil Friedman's crew could come up with a Comment Advisory Sticker - Warning! Fragile Thin Skinned Blogger!

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #15

#14
Thanks Franci Eugenia Hoffman, cough) pretty much everyone on beBee is using their real name. (and his identity isn't exactly a secret). Thanks for commenting. Respectfully yours, Kevin

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #14

#13
There's too much thin skin in business Rebel Brown. That's really the point of this post. Perhaps we should mix my cowboy post in with this one. Can't be a good cowboy and have thin skin.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #13

#11
Thank you DILMA BALBI for commenting. I do like you.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #12

#9
I agree Jim Murray is both troll bait and adept at handling them. I think that dealing with it is like litter... if we each make good use of the 'Report Comment' feature to delete the nasty comments (and I know I'm potentially opening up a debate on censorship... but it is very clear when a comment is nasty) or spam, then the community can do a big part in ensuring the conversation stays civil.. maybe contrary, but civil.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #11

#8
Your comment Aurorasa Sima is worthy of a post on its own. You makes some great points. I personally don't get into too many bar room conversations these days but have been known to hang out with some geezers, er, I mean Beezers at a local waterfront restaurant.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #10

#7
Interesting thoughts David Grinberg. I suppose that would be a good thing to do if I felt I had 'knocked one out of the park' with my post... but otherwise wouldn't want to overload your notification feed with too many event mentioning you. I'll ponder this.

Phil Friedman

7 years ago #9

#16
Don Kerr - It's something I believe we have to change on social media. Well... maybe that is abig order. How about just creating an ethos of civil and adult engagement on beBee, where ideas and opinions can actually be discussed. There is a lot of talk about on social media concerning the need to be "passionate". Well, how passionate is one about one's ideas, if one withers and whines at the first sign of disagreement? I think maybe the Hive system can offer a path to genuine engagement.For example, because Hives like the BeeZers encourage open and frank discussion. And the frail among us are forewarned. But you know that, as the founding BeeZers discussed all that before launch. Cheers!

don kerr

7 years ago #8

big-boy pants firmly secured! Let's get 'er done! Well put Kevin Pashuk

Phil Friedman

7 years ago #7

Personal reparte can be entertaining if witty. Unfortunately, the contemporary vocabulary of web trolls barely extends, if at all past "you suck!" Brilliant, truly brilliant. Makes me regret that I am not a millennial with rapier like repostes like, " Wow, dude, really???!!!😤😤😤😤" I do like the use of a "FRAGILE" label at the top of the post, and have myself suggest something similar. Also perhaps one that says, "You may comment, but the author will not deign to reply." Cheers!

Jim Murray

7 years ago #6

Kevin Pashuk, if you're looking for a dust up. :)

Jim Murray

7 years ago #5

Kevin Pashuk, and let him 'engage' the crap out of them. I have never seen anyone do it better.

David B. Grinberg

7 years ago #4

Good points, Kevin Pashuk. Engagement is what social media is all about. The only problems is keeping up with all the buzz-worthy blog posts being published daily. Thus, one suggestion I have is for authors to tag bees at the end of the post or in the comment section to alert anyone specific who might otherwise miss it. Thoughts?

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #3

Let's not forget Brian McKenzie, the master of the insult - Sir Winston Churchill. When Lady Astor said to Churchill "Winston, if you were my husband I would flavour your coffee with poison" To which Churchill replied: "Madam, if I were your husband, I should drink it"

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #2

#3
Now you are engaging Brian McKenzie!!! "Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time"

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #1

#1
I remember those days. There was some cleverness involved. I don't remember vitriolic hate coming out... but certainly some zingers. "I fart in your general direction..." still works well.

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