Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

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MisAdventures in Mid-Life Dating: Coco, the epilogue and last WTF

MisAdventures in Mid-Life Dating: Coco, the epilogue and last WTFMany of you are curious about what happened between Coco and I. I'm somewhat surprised, frankly. 

I started this whole thing by being completely honest and blunt with the drama, melodrama, dark comedy, and, sometimes outright slapstick  comedy that is Mid-Life Dating from the Male view. 

No reason to stop now.

The result of our first date seems to have slipped by just about everyone. I placed it in three comments on MisAdventures in Mid-Life Dating: The Talk, The Result, The WTFFF? Of course, it got lost in the shuffle of some 105 comments so far. 

Yes, 105 comments. 

I guess this series has hit a nerve. This dating thing is hard. I guess it's equally hard on both males and females, although likely in far different ways.

I wouldn't know. I'm having enough trouble with the male viewpoint, thank you. Come to think of it, just this male's viewpoint is all I can handle. Or, should that be "mishandle." 

I'll let you decide.

This series has been pretty therapeutic for me. It helped me organize my thoughts and thought processes. It also made me realize that no, I am not simply out of practice at this dating thing. I was never practiced at all.

Let me explain by looking at the math. 

I'm 59 now. Less my first 13 years of life when I wasn't dating at all, less 20 years with Susan (wife #1), less 19 years with Filly (Filomena, wife #2), makes a grand total of 7 years dating experience.

DAYMN, I'm a neophyte at this shit. 

Still, judging by the number of dates I do manage to get, women seem to enjoy my clumsy meanderings through this minefield called mid-life dating. You know what they say, "Even a blind squirrel finds a nut every now and then."

On the plus side... 

A combined forty years living with two wonderful women taught me a thing or two -- mostly what not to do. 

I have a great facility for speaking to people in general, and women in particular. They don't intimidate me. Pretty much nothing does. 

I have a whacky sense of humor and love to make people laugh. 

No one has ever mistaken me for Brad Pitt, but I ain't Quasimodo either. 

I'm a damned good cook.

And yes, Louise, my technical knowledge is such that I can help them set up their WiFi, routers, and range extenders. To be sure, that has never come up during an in-date conversation.

I'm also a realist. When a crazy hottie like Coco expresses a strong, insistent interest, my spidey senses tingle.

The Coco First Date (pasted from comment stream with edits)

If you recall, Coco was to cook me dinner, then we'd go to a movie. I was 15 minutes late again. As a rule, I’m never late. Yet, I was late twice in a row. 

Omen? 

Subconscious sabotage/warning?

Who cares? ...  Anyone? 

I thought not.

Coco prepared meatloaf with garlic mashed potatoes and a green salad. Dessert was bakery-bought cannoli with a cheese assortment. She somehow got it in her head that meatloaf was my favorite meal. (I think it was from a comment from Cyndi wilkins. Sorry to drag you in this again, Cyndi) That’s sweet but inaccurate. It isn’t like I don’t like meatloaf, it's just not my favorite.

Anyway, her meatloaf was moist and very tasty. Cyndi wilkins get your mind out of the gutter! That isn't a euphemism for anything. 

I later found out that she originally made carrot cake for dessert but tossed it when she had trouble with the cream cheese frosting being too runny. When she tried to fix it, it became too sweet.

Been there, done that myself.

It’s tough to cook and bake for a chef and pastry chef. People think they need to hit perfection. Nope, when you try we appreciate your effort. We understand the pressure you put on yourself. Coco did great. I don’t remember ever saying so, but carrot cake is my favorite dessert.

At least female carrot cake is my favorite. Randall Burns, my brother chef, and all you foodies out there may not be familiar with "female" describing a carrot cake. There's no reason you should, I made up the term during a culinary competition. It means a carrot cake with no nuts, ergo. . . "female."

Back to it. Supper was great.

We yakked throughout about nothing and everything, but couldn’t agree on a movie. Coco wanted to see The St-Anne’s Lock Boardwalk that I always talk about. I was surprised she had never been, so off we went.

We walked up and down the boardwalk gawking at boats, talking (again just small talk). We also played a game… people watching and adding the inaudible dialogue. That was hysterical.

It was fun.

We went into a restaurant for drinks, it’s called something or other Bar and Grill but were told we had to order food to get drinks. Coco said, “I can eat,” and, yes, she can. Lord knows where she puts it.

We ordered mussels arrabiatta with extra sauce on the french fries. More importantly, there was a single malt for me and a dark rum and diet coke (?? Is that a thing) for Coco.

Very soon after that things got weird, but just a little.

I don’t know if this is an advantage to dating Coco. In some ways it is. In other ways, it’s annoying and more than just a little insulting. None of it is her fault though.

I ordered a single round of drinks, yet Coco and I had 3 each. No, it wasn’t three-for-one night.

We were nibbling on our fires, watching passing boats, talking etc, when the waitress comes over with another dark rum and diet coke, “Excuse me, this is from the gentleman at the counter.” She then sort of nodded towards me, and I saw a slight nod from Coco.

A few minutes, later, a single malt showed up, compliments of some other guy at the counter.

The process repeated itself twice. It started bugging me, my left eyebrow started arching. Coco noticed and called the waitress over, “The next time just say I drink vodka doubles straight up and bring me water. Charge the idiots for vodka.” To me, she said, “Sorry, it’s not like I asked for it.”

Seriously, guys, what’s the idea of sending drinks to random hotties? Has it ever worked?

So, bottom line, I saved about $60. That’s not a bad thing, I guess.

At this point, Coco asked about the boats moored on the other side of the canal. I explained there was a man-made island over there with picnic tables.

“Let’s have a picnic!”

Her enthusiasm for the little things is infectious. We packed our leftover fries in a doggie bag and ordered another batch with sriracha mayo. We picked up the emergency blanket from the trunk of my car. Coco kicked off the heels and tossed them in the trunk

Neither of us is a big drinker, so we were pleasantly pickled. and we set out to the island for our picnic.

An Aside: Coco is six feet tall. Coco in heels is 6'4". I'm 5'9". That doesn't bother me in the least. She tossed the shoes in the trunk because A - She insists heels are a form of torture inflicted upon women. (Yet, she nearly always wears them) and B - I told her she would have to ditch them or carry them across. The walkway to the island is made of steel gratings over the lock doors.

We sat on the blanket, yakked, cracked jokes and nibbled on fries for a while. Then we lay on the blanket looking up at the stars. Coco snuggles delightfully.

That’s when the fireworks started.

No, Wayne, I don’t mean those kinds of fireworks. I mean real ones. The kind that swooshes up in the air and blows up into a gazillion bright points of light. There must have been some sort of competition across the river. There were four, fifteen-minute shows with five-minute “intermissions” between them.

We had a great view from our picnic’s vantage point, but I was distracted since Coco was using my shoulder as her pillow. Her hair smelled great and there were other views, better ones than fireworks.

Overall, the date actually was one of the best ones ever. We get along great. We enjoy each other’s company. But, that huge age difference is a major issue, at least to me.

Over the date, we agreed that we would be each other’s DLR. – Date of Last Resort. We won’t be the first call, but, provided neither is in a relationship, we will always accept the other’s invitation.

I’ll work on the free drinks thing. Hey, if they want to toss their money away, who am I to say otherwise?

When I brought her back home, she confirmed the new ground rules as she understood them -- So long as neither is in a relationship, we will not be the first call, but we will always accept the other’s invitation.

I agreed that was what we agreed.

“Good. That means we’re now Friends-with-Benefits!” Then she planted a big wet one on me before closing the door in my face.

Damn but that girl is infuriating.

Subsequent Dates

That first date made me think that maybe Coco and I were not completely out of the realm of possibility. A few more dates (where we both fudged the meaning of DLR) made me seriously consider a relationship with her. We continued to get along. We could crack each other up. We could relax in each other's company. We laughed at the same comedies and cried at the same chick flicks. 

I mean, I don't think anyone else cries at chick flicks except Coco and I. There, I said it, I cry at sentimental chick flicks. Sue me.

We didn't do the TWO BIG RELATIONSHIP STEPS, but still.

Seriously? You don't know the two biggest relationship steps?

The first is meeting the folks. That is a major deal... everyone knows that. 

The second is farting in front of each other. Nothing quite says, "I'm comfortable around you," like PFFFFT!

She wasn't too thrilled about my Messenger chats with D, but then again, neither of us is particularly jealous.

Things were going great! I could see a light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes, that light in the tunnel is a train on a collision course. That's about when I went to Coco's friend's birthday party. 

O......M.....G......!

Coco is 34 going on 45. Most of her friends are 34 going on 16. That first day we met on the golf course? That was her imitating them.

To make a long story short -- Get together with someone and you get together with their friends. It's just not sustainable otherwise. That evening was nearly as pleasant as a root canal without anesthesia. 

She sensed something was different, but never asked what. I think she already knew.

Coco and I went downhill from there -- no, downhill implies a gradual descent. Coco and I fell off a cliff. We still talk, we still play golf (We today, Sunday). While it would have been fun to let the relationship play out, I ended up exactly where I hoped to be... with Coco as a friend and golf buddy. 

Neither of us wants to play the DLR card, I think. The Friends with benefits thing is off the table.

Hmmm, I guess we did let the relationship play out.

Cheers
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Comments

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #64

#61
As a kid, we wrote secret messages with onion juice. You would then hold the paper over a candle. The sugar in the juice would caramelize showing the message. Fluorescent ink is a good idea, but I think plain clean water will dry invisibly for maximum security and confidentiality. {giggles} We should probably forget using carrier pigeons. The poor little buggers would never make half the distance. And if any were harmed the Mysterious D (I sort of like that name for her) would likely hunt us both down. If only there was some way to magically transmit documents over great distances using that interweb thingamajigger.

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #63

#62
LOL... I get up by 7 on weekends (that's when I sleep in) and 5:00 weekdays. BEST BREAKFASTS (in order): Chocolate Cake with icing, Cold Pizza, Cold Lasagna, two eggs over very easy on toast with glazed ham and a grapefruit half (red), Eggs Benedict (classic). I never had curry for breakfast, but then again I'm not a Brit so what would I know of curry? Anyone know a good curry place in Montreal?

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #62

#60
Shhhhh, she wants to keep it secret.

Randall Burns

3 years ago #61

#57
#47 Ummmm.... Are we talking about the Parsnip and Ginger cake recipe? OK, off the top of my head; use your favorite carrot cake recipe and replace the carrots with parsnips, replace the veg oil with extra virgin olive oil, add fresh grated ginger, (use your discretion), follow the procedure... marmalade sauce; Quarter 6 oranges, (North to South), remove seeds and ends, slice quarters thinly, cook in simple syrup for 15 minutes, (add water if needed to maintain consistency), remove from heat and add 2 oz Grand Marnier

Claire L Cardwell

3 years ago #60

#56
Me too Paul \ - cake for breakfast! (that or curry is the breakfast of champions..) Just got busted by my parents for waking up early!

Claire L Cardwell

3 years ago #59

#54
Invisible ink! Great idea or even fluorescent ink (you will need a black light). We could also bugger things up by using carrier pigeons.

Claire L Cardwell

3 years ago #58

#53
You could always meet half way - in London or even Iceland or Greenland - I've heard that Iceland Air and a Norwegian Airline were offering flights from London to New York (with a shot stop over in Greenland or Iceland for about R1000 - it's about R14/to $1 at the moment. As far as the other flight is concerned (yes I knew all along who the mysterious D is) it's about 50% cheaper if you book it from the States.

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #57

Oh, and Coco wants to be played by Sofia Vergara in our imaginary television show. She's okay with the accent

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #56

Who mentioned Coco and golf? The first time we played, I was returning to the game from a ten-year hiatus. I literally hadn't so much as held a golf club in ten years. She beat me by (I think) 3 strokes. She also beat me the second time we played, but only by 1 stroke. She remarked that I was improving. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I played to a 4 to 6 handicap in the old days (mid to high 70s). The third time we played, she lost by 5. The fourth, she lost by 15. I'm still not at my old level, but getting closer. I also found out she's a poor loser LOL. Still, I enjoy the free beers at the half-way break. Weather permitting, we're playing this weekend. This time she will play from the ladies' tees as is her right. She thinks that will even us up. I doubt it will. Chivalry is not dead, only on life support. I don't consider it chivalrous to let her win -- that's condescending and just rude.

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #55

#47
YO! Randy, my brotha chef frum anotha motha, Randall Burns, SO? We can't keep Louise Smith (never call her "Lou") waiting.

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #54

#49
Hmmm, a woman like male carrot cake while a man likes female carrot cake.... No surprise there. Lemon meringue is the bomb! I like mine super tart with at least 4 inches (10cm) of meringue. Of course, the meringue needs to be flamed a little! Damn, now I'm hungry

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #53

#51
LOL.... A food fight at the UN is something I would LOVE to see. No, I want to right smack in the middle of it!

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #52

#52
Deal, you can design those sets for the non-existent NetFlix pilot. Draw them in invisible ink for security's sake

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #51

#49
Yes, Claire, but you're a delightful nut. LOL I don't think there will ever be a D episode (darn the luck). There's a small matter of a large distance. Hmm, maybe a vacation, something along the old movie "Same Time Next Year"? Logistically improbable.

Claire L Cardwell

3 years ago #50

#38
Paul \ - you could make the sets smaller and hire very vertically challenged people for the other roles... Smaller sets, less materials used, more money saved to go on important things - like the desert section and chocolate fountain from the catering people.

Claire L Cardwell

3 years ago #49

#34
Not even a 'food fight' Paul \ ? Very disappointed in these antipodean chefs - where is Marco Pierre White or Gordon Ramsey when you need a good scrap?

Claire L Cardwell

3 years ago #48

#25
Me too Louise Smith - down with Coco and bring on the mysterious D!

Claire L Cardwell

3 years ago #47

#23
It's got to be a Lemon Meringue Pie Louise Smith! I like my carrot cake with nuts (then again I AM nuts, so I guess that's probably why...)

Claire L Cardwell

3 years ago #46

#12
Harvey Lloyd's the next ! Paul - don't give up on D!

Louise Smith

3 years ago #45

#46
And ?

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #44

#42
My carrot cake is a three-time competition winner. Shall we post "Eat Your Vegies Cake: Two Ways"?

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #43

#43
LOL.... will I ever get over that photoshopped image? Meg Ryan? Why not? We can all dream. Since James Gandolfini is gone, I want to be played by Jason Alexander.

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #42

#39
hmmmm, parsnip cake! Now why didn't I think of that?

Cyndi wilkins

3 years ago #41

#36
Ha Ha...Again, I wasn't referring to you physically...I've seen you in a bikini;-) Hee Hee! #38 If this screenplay thingy happens I want to be played by Meg Ryan as a sort of virtual 'work-wife' trying to save you from yourself;-) LOL!!!!

Louise Smith

3 years ago #40

#39
That sounds yum Is it a secret recipe Randall Burns ?

Louise Smith

3 years ago #39

#38
I'm 4'12" Tell Coca no matter how good an actor is - acting tall doesn't cut it ! Acting mean prob works better !

Randall Burns

3 years ago #38

#34
Yes Paul \ I still have that idea for a post with you in my "vault". :-)

Randall Burns

3 years ago #37

Another great entertaining post Paul \, i haven't had time to go through the comments yet, but I will. I have a great recipe for a parsnip and ginger cake which is just a carrot cake replaced with parsnips, extra virgin olive oil, (to replace the veg oil) and fresh ginger. I make a fresh orange marmalade sauce for it, try it sometime. OK, time to read the comment thread...

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #36

#29
#32 If there's ever a screenplay (not bloody likely, although something similar worked well for Seinfeld) I'll write it LOL, you can collaborate Louise Smith. BTW: Coco did say she wants to be played by Selma Hayek. Then I told her Selma is 5'2" and Coco is six feet. Her response? SHe can just act taller. LOL. While Ms. Hayek is one of my favorite actresses, there are some things that even she can't pull off. Things like a unibrow (that was proven) and becoming taller for a role

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #35

#31
Re: "Eh?" You becoming Canadjun, Wayne? Come to think of it, Wayne, along with Gordon, and Doug are very common names up here

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #34

#33
I'll have you know that my heart is in tip top shape physically, and only slightly dented not broken emotionally

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #33

#29
That lends a whole new meaning to the golf term "threesome"

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #32

#23
LOL Pavlova is right up there!! The issue is that Pavlova the ballet dancer was world famous but particularly in Australia and New Zealand. Someone came up with the idea of a contest to create a dessert in her name. That's when things went awry. Ms Pavlova chose the winner. It was either an Australian who worked in New Zealand or a Kiwi who worked in Auss. Both countries claim it as their national dessert. I can't vouch for this, but one of my instructors in Pastry School insists that Australia and New Zealand declared war on each other on the floor of the UN over the dessert. It was a very short war of shouting only.

Cyndi wilkins

3 years ago #31

#27
I wasn't necessarily referring to his cooking Louise Smith;-) There's more to heart health than one's diet...Some of us just have a taste for delectable desserts even when we know in our hearts we are the one's being made a meal of;-) Lol!!!

Louise Smith

3 years ago #30

#30
Yes you're first on the Free Ticket list Tend to be exposed to a lot of drama in my job !

Wayne Yoshida

3 years ago #29

#21
Eh?

Harvey Lloyd

3 years ago #28

#29
I believe you should be hired to write the screen play. Make sure I get a ticket for the opening though🤪

Louise Smith

3 years ago #27

#28
But on the Golf Course a lonely lovely lady needs to join a group to go 'round with INTRO New Love Interest Yet unknown character She happens to be starting out when Cocoa & Paul are So of course they invite her to join them Not knowing she's a "deadly" GOLF player She wins & then it's WWIII Sturm und Drang A Love Triangle ?

Harvey Lloyd

3 years ago #26

#25
We need to stay stereotypical here if we wish for Netflix to pick up the screen play:) Our comments are creating the script of this fantastic showdown of the current Romeo and Juliet. Shakespeare did not have but a stage and a show to cast his story. We have now, Netflix and binge watching. We can OD the audience with total immersion on the drama of Dating on the Golf Course, The life and times of Coco and Paul. Stayed tuned for next week when Coco creates the great meatloaf and Paul asks to go out to eat.

Louise Smith

3 years ago #25

#19
Heart Health Cyndi wilkins with his magnificent Cooking ?

Louise Smith

3 years ago #24

#18
Dogs are very good Judges of Character ! I have 2 Dachshunds. I trust their noses every time !

Louise Smith

3 years ago #23

#12
Sorry this female want Cocoa to LOSE ! ESP at Golf !

Louise Smith

3 years ago #22

#8
OR https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PdJm3DVg3EM

Louise Smith

3 years ago #21

" It means a carrot cake with no nuts, ergo. . . "female." " Ha ha ha Actually I don't cook carrot cake so it's one of my fav things to eat when someone else cooks it or when I go out for coffee But I don't like the "nuts" so I guess I love female carrot cake ! Not surprising really ! My speciality is Banana Cake I can cook it in my sleep without a recipe & vary it according to what ingredients are on hand But of course it has to include bananas Most recipes say 2 to 4 bananas I usu use 6 to 8 & if they are my organically homegrown from my backyard, they have extra flavour & natural sweetness My other FAV dessert to cook is AUSTRALIAN Pavlova (Kiwis try to say they invented it but they are criminals who are sent home to NZ from Aussie jails without passing GO & without $200) I've cooked Pav since I was a kid at Mum's side I can make it with a handbeater, with 2 eggwhites & any kind of sugar not just caster sugar & it's perfect every time Sad in AUS at the moment going into Summer as we have Strawberry Terrorism so they may not make it onto this season's Pavs (http://www.abc.net.au/news/2018-09-14/strawberry-needle-scare-what-you-need-to-know/10248736) New PM Sco Mo might invent a new fad - Smashed Strawberry Needles !

Cyndi wilkins

3 years ago #20

#21
'BOOOOOOM'....she says with a flick of the wrist! Don't forget to bring the bird seed;-)

Ken Boddie

3 years ago #19

Why not try visiting your local petting zoo, Paul? Great place to pick up chicks. 🤣😂🤣

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #18

LOL.... You guys give up too easily.

Cyndi wilkins

3 years ago #17

Hmmm...I don't know Paul \...seems the general consensus here is having pets might be a bit better than heavy petting at this time... or at least heavy panting...At this stage of the game we need to start thinking about heart health...although it would be a great finale;-) Lol!

A dog or cat are good companions plus, you know when you least expect it is when you find someone. I see a future series!?

Wayne Yoshida

3 years ago #15

Paul \ - true life adventures . ..

Wayne Yoshida

3 years ago #14

This does need to become a movie. Could be better than "When Harry Met Sally" or "You've Got Mail"

Wayne Yoshida

3 years ago #13

#12
#13 -- Or HBO Original Series

Wayne Yoshida

3 years ago #12

#4
#5 Actually, I think dogs are better companions most of the time. I often suggest this to anyone struggling with a relationship...

Jerry Fletcher

3 years ago #11

Paul, I'm with Harvey. This could be the pilot for a great series.

Harvey Lloyd

3 years ago #10

I say you take a break and go for epoch two. The first epoch was enlightening and entertaining. Consider your audience's needs now:) The males require education in this area of chaos and the females want Coco to win. This really can't be the epilogue. Great series, i still see a Netflix original series here.

Cyndi wilkins

3 years ago #9

#5
No...I'm saying a dog might be better;-) LMAO now!

Renée 🐝 Cormier

3 years ago #8

Better days ahead, buddy.

Ken Boddie

3 years ago #7

I’m with Cyndi wilkins, Paul. Why don’t you get a dog (or a cat). You can always have your ‘cocoa’ in a mug. And, oh yes, according to your carrot cake definition, I prefer squirrel cake. 🤗

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #6

#4
besides, I'm more a cat person. I like their independence

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #5

#4
LMAO you aren't really suggesting that a dog is as good as a compatible woman are you, Cyndi wilkins?

Cyndi wilkins

3 years ago #4

#3
That's probably not a bad thing...Take a knee for a while...Have you ever thought of just getting a dog or something?? No pun intended;-) Dogs totally live in the 'No Bullshit Zone'...and they love you even when you're an Arse;-)

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #3

#2
Nope a completely different pinhead The single initial thing sounded like a good idea at the time to preserve annonymity. Even I'm confused now. C was done a while back. D is a wish but also an impossibility. Coco is now golf only. Damn, so far, there's no one to move on to!

Cyndi wilkins

3 years ago #2

Oh Lordy Paul \!!! It sounded so sweet and promising until...'The Party'...Don't tell let me guess...it was a party for one of those two chicks that talked smack about you in French...right?? What were there names again...Thelma and Louise?!?! Alrighty then...Let's put a pin in it with C and move on to D...Soooo many letters soooo little time;-) Lol!

Paul "Pablo" Croubalian

3 years ago #1

Cyndi wilkins are mentioned in this post

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